The Case Against Pet Social Media

Now If you’re reading this post, it’s probably safe to assume that you like your pet. I mean it’s your pet, it’s practically your flesh and blood…expect for the fur and the paws and the whole “DNA” thing scientists can’t seem to stop beating their chest about.

You love your pet, don’t blush, I can see it your eyes and with enough magic mushrooms I can even see it in your soul.

But you’re not alone, you see, everyone likes their pet.

And you know what – it doesn’t matter how much of a silver-tongued salesman you are, you’ll never convince me to admit that your pet is better than mine! But hey, it’s not a competition now is it?!

To be frank and low-brow: Pet’s fricken rule, they bring sunlight to cloudy day and have a way of making even the loneliest feel loved. They’re a gift to humanity.

So with all that said, I’d like to introduce you to my gripe of the week.

The Pet Profile.

You all can exhale now, the war is over: Howard the hound dog, and Kitty the cat have broken down barriers for animals all alike… they’re online.

No more do you have to see your pet giving you the sad eye’s to get you to let them outside nor do you have to deal with your pet serenading you with a chorus of meow’s for their morning treat.

They ain’t got time for that! They’re too damn busy wasting time!

No sir, the pet’s are busy taking selfies and updating their Facebook.

I mean, with all these pet profile’s you’d think they grew a thumb… maybe even two thumbs!

Our pet’s are such social-media-sluts, they’re everywhere exchanging good boy’s & good girls for likes!


In case you are lost, I’m talking about the pet social media profiles that you may be numb to seeing by now.

I gripe on this for one real reason.

What’s The Point.

Now listen, I know what it’s like to be bored – Hell, I used to sit and think about nothing before it was called meditation.

Believe it or not, one time I was so bored I even went on a random walk – outside too! Just got up and did it!

I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I suspect that the engine for the pet social media profiles is fueled by a general sense of boredom.

The burning pain in my side is not an infection, no sir, it’s a lack of understanding.

What’s the point of a pet social media profile?

I mean what’s the pet going to post about?

The dog getting his 401K?

The cat sharing recipes for dinner?

The fish talking about their boss being a total shark in the office?

I don’t get it… but maybe that’s the whole point!

I understand that everyone loves their pet but to arrive at the point where the pet is updating you about their life , I ask you, can’t I hear about the owners life instead?

I don’t know I’m at a lost for words… except for these 500 words on the topic.

Alas, I’ll go to sleep in the glow of my monitor wondering… until my dog asks me to let him outside.

Anyways, I want to wish you all a Happy Holiday! Thanks so much for stopping by! You all make me very happy!

Disclaimer: If you know me personally you’d know that my dog is essentially all over my social media profile. He practically treats my social media like a fire hydrant! This is meant to be for satire. If you have a pet social media profile – more power to you! Please comment, share and let me know your thoughts on the subject. If you’re feeling brave, share a picture of your pet too.

13 thoughts on “The Case Against Pet Social Media

  1. Social media is a box pets are within our walls so they would end up there as well. Although there is not much social interaction in social media so, the pet is not much different than a hunting trophy in a man cave. Just, an odd thing. I block everyone pretty much. Even pets. Yeah. I don’t care. My heart is small.

  2. So…I have to ask if you’ve ever been to (That isn’t linking. It’s worth the manual entry. Aren’t we lazy?!) It’s the only place I think pets belong on social media. I hope it’s still there and not been destroyed by the bully activists yet.

  3. Funny cat videos or gifs of pets doing something like typing generate lots and lots of clicks on Twitter feeds. I did one and — boom! — up went the views. So they are attention getters and maybe something to use sparingly. I actually have a pic of my dog somewhere sitting in the bathroom and I want to use that with a certain caption.

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