I can’t tell you why, but I have way too much fun with these.
I Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass
Damn, I really wanted a rat’s ass. I mean my collection! The things I would do. The places I’d go. What’s a guy to do? I don’t know who coined this phrase or who’s sitting on a pile of asses to toss out like candy at a parade but I’ll humbly refuse the offer. In fact, I struggle to find a situation where I would want a rat’s ass let alone need one. How are they practical? What am I going to do with a rat’s ass? I can’t you know…spend it anywhere. Witches use like toe jam and shit yet even they take the high road on this and refuse to use a rat’s ass. This is easily the most worthless item to hold onto. SO YOU KNOW WHAT, you can keep your rat’s ass tough guy, I don’t want it anyways.
Can you imagine… followed by something utterly banal.
Yes Helen, I CAN imagine what it’s like to be stuck at the post office. Uh-huh Martha, I think I CAN comprehend the frustration of the elevator not working. You know what Bob?, I CAN imagine the embarrassment on your face after you gave that presentation without realizing your zipper was down. Anytime someone describes a situation then asks if you can imagine low balls your imagination.
You Stick out like a sore thumb.
I have been alive for 28 years and have yet to see a sore thumb. I could thumb wrestle legions of people with sore thumbs and have no idea any of them are sore. What does sore look like? Like a 50 year old the day after cutting the grass? Remove the word “Sore” and say you stick out like a thumb. Is the me or is that worse. Hey Jim, yeah you stick out like a thumb? What did you call me? *Smack* I’m not the smartest guy in the classroom, but thumb are small, and genuinely don’t stick out. Have you ever looked at someone and noticed their thumb? Who does that? I’m confused.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. What expressions am I missing?