Dear Team,

Guys seriously… who knocked over the porta potty? Come on guys, what the fuck! This is all we had, THIS IS ALL I HAD. What am I going to do now? Huh, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO NOW? I’m freaking out. What do you expect me to do? Where do you EXPECT me to shit? Huh, Where in the FUCK am I supposed to shit KEVIN.

Kevin, you dirty little leach, I know this was you. YOU’RE the one who wants to see the world burn. Everyone always sucks up to you but not me! I knew you were rotten the moment you pranced on sight. You and your long hair, yeah, I know it was you.

Does it make you feel like a big man, taking my little slice of heaven away? How does that feel? Is this the feeling you have been craving? Seeing a grown man suffer? Huh, is this where you get off?

I knew when you joined the crew it was going to be nothing but trouble. You were always giving the mailman a hard time for no reason and we all thought it was weird but went a long with it… kind of like a girl in a loveless, desperate relationship… not that I know anything about that. But this is the FINAL STRAW buddy boy.

Kevin I am one cup coffee away from exploding… I am balancing ON THE THIN LINE between peace and chaos and buddy, let me tell you, the winds aren’t subtle.

When I waddled my cute, shapeless, fatass off of the trailer and into the yard and saw “Ol Purdy” knocked over, a part of me died. I don’t know what part, but I knew something smelt funny.

Since your little stunt I have to leave the job site to find my peace, do you know how inefficient that is? You probably don’t because you only think of yourself.

It may have been a porta potty to you but it was a porta kingdom to me. That was my place. I loved it and it accepted me, the only way a lifeless, plastic object could: silently.

And where the fuck are you Kevin?, I haven’t seen you since this morning. You’re probably off chasing the next great thrill instead of working.

And to think that I would go out of my way to give you the proverbial bone when you needed one. SHAME. ON. ME.

Fetch time is over buddy, it’s back to the long, long leash for you.

This is the LAST time we ever hire a guard dog.

– Management