Have you ever noticed how buzzwords never once got you buzzed? Well, folks, welcome to sobriety.
Spearhead
“I’ll go ahead and spearhead this initiative.” Oh, will you? Spearhead? Unless you’re in a Cheetah-skinned loincloth hunting mammoths, let’s drop the prehistoric fantasy. Here’s a newsflash: a problem that Excel could solve in five minutes probably doesn’t need a jagged weapon jammed into its side, no matter how medieval it sounds. You’re not a warrior; you’re a guy with a tie and a poorly managed-inbox. Sit down.
Low Hanging Fruit
“Guys, let’s focus on the low-hanging fruit right in front of us.” “But Bob, we sell hydraulic fittings. There’s no vitamin C in diesel.” Ah, low-hanging fruit, the phrase that makes you feel like a cherry picker in a corporate orchard. I don’t know what sick, likable, foraging bastard coined this phrase, but damn him and damn you too. “Focus on the low-hanging fruit” – got it. See you at the grocery store.
Touch Base
“Let’s touch base in a week or so.” How about we just talk? Yeah – let’s talk in a week. Talk—short, sweet, and one syllable. “Touch base” sounds like a euphemism for something HR wouldn’t approve of. Can we all agree to stop sounding like we’re in a never-ending baseball game and just have a conversation?
Wheelhouse
“Let’s stick to what’s in our wheelhouse.” Wheelhouse? Yeah, because we’re all moonlighting as steamboat captains. Here’s the deal: unless your name is Captain Ahab, let’s drop the nautical nonsense. We’re not manning a ship; we’re manning a cubicle. Poorly.
Value-Added
“We’re providing value-added services.” Value-added means, “We found a way to charge you more for something you didn’t want in the first place.” If I wanted value-added, I’d go to a buffet, not a boardroom. Give me a break.
Holistic
“Let’s take a holistic approach to this problem.” Holistic? What are we, a bunch of druids chanting in the forest? Holistic means “let’s look at everything, including especially the stuff that doesn’t matter.” The only thing holistic here is my headache from listening to this nonsense.
Feeling needlessly angry? Great! Please like, comment, share and let me know what I missed
I laughted my socks off at this – which is another silly saying, because they’re still on my feet where I put them this morning. Why are we so addicted to such buzzwords and other silly sayings? What would be so wrong with a return to good, plain English (or whatever’s your mother tongue)? Nice post, Tony. I’m just gonna run it up the flagpole with my old man and see if he salutes it. 🙁
Hahah please run it up the flagpole -well done!
You have selected some great ones. Paradigm shift, hitting it out of the park, and whole nine yards would also make my list.
Ahhh yes! Great recs will have to add those to a new list. Paradigm shift is so pretentious
If you switch up paradigm to two quarters you’re ahead by $.10. 🤔😚🤗
lol I see what you did there 😉 😉
lol! Good points – mine would be “No need to reinvent the wheel” or to “cry over spilled milk” – coming out your manager’s mouth, especially when micromanaging is the dominant culture… 😄
I hate no need to reinvent the wheel lol drives me crazy
Lol These were great
Thank you so much !
LOL Don’t open a can of worms, meaning don’t open myself to trouble. The only time I want to open a can of worms is when I’m fishing. Where is the trouble?
Never thought of it, but when you actually look it, those words are rather stupid. Thanks. for a chuckle this AM
Happy to provide and totally agree
Blockchain and AI are the ones for me, cloud used to be on the list but that one as mostly faded away
Your humor is back. Spot on with all of these. I laughed at all of them, but really enjoyed “Touch Base,” which often means, let’s drop this topic and hopefully, “something” will happen where we don’t have to discuss it again. LOL I had been thinking of two others this week, can’t think of them now, but I really felt the same — let’s MOVE ON from these buzz words. Have a great weekend.
It feels so good to be back! And yes let’s move on from them indeed
Well done.
Value Added, I see that you “added value” to this outrageously funny post at no extra charge, very nicely done!
Thank you sir !!
Way to Think Outside the Box.
Made me chuckle
This was a fun read. You could have added ‘On boarding’ and ‘Off boarding.’ Particularly apt for businesses that sink like the Titanic…..
I like it ! Yeah there’s a lot of fun you can have with those phrases
Well, this blog post Anthony is quite interesting and engaging. Great list my friend and I find it quite the insightful one.
Great sense of humor bro. Loved the example of phrases and Yes to answer your question, I feel needlessly angry.
The angrier I get the hungrier I become😭😂, haha that is just a joke because I saw the hotdog picture in this blog and that is all I can think about right now😂✌
Thanks for reading my friend! If you grab a hotdog, I’ll grab one too!
Brilliant… One that’s been doing the rounds in my place is a term that should have been banished to the fiery depths of hell a long time ago … Synergy. It really is back with a vengeance 😑
I hate synergy lol overused
Talk about a gut-laugh! Oh my gosh, how fun to read this!!!!!
So happy you enjoyed!
Great points 😀 i am holistic 😁😁 well shared
Thank you so much for reading my Holistic friend
😂😂😂
For a while, a lot of emails from higher management arrived with no capitalization, all lower case. I suppose, the thought being that the higher you were on the corporate chain, the less restricted by punctuation you had become. Now, you don’t see that much anymore, the memos from the top are penned by an admin, carefully crafted. Because, rank means you have people just for that function.
And so… corporate life moves on…
Corporate life shines on with fluorescent liggta
Gotta be deep-dive, the (popularly despised) synergy, growth mindset, circle back, touch base, drill down…
Those are all great! Deff need to write one more
Can we add “bandwidth” to the list? First time I heard my boss ask if I”had the bandwidth” to do something, I looked down at my waist and said, “Are you saying I’m fat? Or skinny? And why are you commenting on my underwear band anyway?”
Had I seen this post some two years back when I worked in sales and marketing, lol, I’d have been highly conscious of most if not all of these phrases and words! I enjoyed reading through!
So happy you did, thank you for letting me know!
Nice one
In modern American corporate business, the overuse and misuse of buzzwords have reached absurd levels, turning meetings into a “synergy”-fest and emails into “low-hanging fruit” hunting grounds. Executives proudly announce their plans to “disrupt the ecosystem” with a “robust paradigm shift,” while interns are tasked with “circling back” on the “actionable insights” from last week’s “deep dive.” Meanwhile, everyone is encouraged to “pivot” like a ballerina on espresso, despite the fact that nobody really knows what they’re pivoting from or to. This tidal wave of jargon not only muddles meaningful communication but also transforms the workplace into a surreal theater where “blue-sky thinking” means anything but clear skies.
Funny. I loathe business clichés. It should be a drinking game for the next zoom meeting. If we drank every time some tired, old business cliché was trotted out…well, we’d all be on the floor before anything was decided.
This post makes such amazing points! Holistic one is my absolute favourite here !
Holistic is a fun one Forsure – thank you so much for reading
I’m choking on laughter 😂 Awesome article! I’m sick of the following buzzwords: deep dive, think outside the box etcetera etcetera to the point that anytime anyone says them I just want to turn red and apologise to everyone listening for that other person’s buzzword… If you want to be inspired, why not buy an eraser and rub those cartoony clouds off?
Value-Added – yup. That’s the same way I feel when I hear somebody use that phrase.
From the construction industry – “WOW factor”. It’s only going to wow once. And even then, most people will be thinking “WOW, that’s hideous.”
UNPACK. The one I hate is “unpack.” They could use “explain.” Let me explain that to us, Or I’ll tell/show you how it works.
When I hear UNPACK, I’m immediately on a cruise ship putting my things away for a two week cruise on the Mediterranean. OR, I’m back at home, taking all those closes out to put in the washer etc. etc.
Reaching out, all sounds a bit needy. Why not contact people, instead of just sitting there waving your arms about looking like a third rate am-dram player.
That’s better, I feel cleansed now.
I’m ready to punch shit! Ad “circle back” …cheers man!
Hate that!
Hilarious! I loved this.
All great ones. My personal favorite corporate-ism is the acronym. SO MANY ACRONYMS. It took me two months at my corporate job before I knew what all their acronyms stood for.
There’s too many of them that’s Forsure!
Off with their heads!
But you—yours is staying put. This is funny. I like it. Thanks.
Ha! Blue sky thinking at it’s very best!
Hilarious! I loved this.
Thank you so much!