It never fails.
Friday night rolls around, and like clockwork, someone’s apartment transforms into a crowded, alcohol-soaked zoo. The workweek is dead, the music is alive, and the kitchen island is a graveyard of empty beer cans, broken pretzels, and misplaced ambitions. Somewhere in the chaos is the host, beaming with a silent smile that screams, “Drink! Be merry! Destroy my security deposit!”
He’s a people person, and nothing makes him happier than helping people let loose. And tonight, with a fridge full of beer, he’s practically a shepherd. “Need a beer? Want a shot? Help yourself!” And with those few words from the host, the floodgates were officially opened.
But you? You’re different, and his words have no effect. You don’t want a beer. You don’t want a shot. You weren’t wired to let loose; you were wired to hold on. What you want is to evaporate into your home and not feel guilty for wanting to leave a party early. What you want is human connection, without connection—a predicament that’s left you perpetually unsatisfied.
As time marches on and you lean against the wall, your biology betrays you. You’re thirsty in this house of hops, standing there wondering what you’re going to put in your glass. By this point, you’ve been asked, “Do you want a beer?” a solid four or five times, and you’re running out of excuses. As your head hangs low, you see a promise hiding in the distance.
A LaCroix.
“Drink anything! Have fun, we’ve got so much stuff!”
And there it is: permission. Sweet, sparkling permission. You detach from the wall, shuffle to the kitchen like a raccoon creeping toward a garbage can, and grab the LaCroix. The lime one, because you deserve luxury.
The first sip is heavenly. Crisp. Bubbling. Like drinking static electricity without the shock. The second is reassuring, like a phone call from a friend you didn’t know you needed. You pour it into a glass, giving the perception that you’re drinking something to calm the inquiring minds because, for some reason, people get concerned when someone isn’t drinking.
As you float back to your wall, sipping, you observe the world around you. The host is jumping from one conversation to another as if this were a fundraiser in a house full of wealthy donors. And by this time, people are on their sixth, seventh, and eighth beers, really letting loose.
Your glass is regrettably empty, and you’ve decided you’ve earned your second drink. Hell, you’re playing catch-up now. But the moment you grab that can and pour it into your glass, the music practically stops.
“Dude, what the fuck!?”
You freeze mid-sip. It’s the host who looks at you like you were a dog who took a dump on his carpet.
“Those are for me! Like, personal!”
You take a step back—you weren’t planning for this. Finally, you muster a few words.
“But… you… you said ‘grab anything.’”
“Yeah, anything alcoholic,” he snaps. “The non-alcoholic drinks are mine.”
You blink. “But aren’t people using the LaCroix as mixers?”
“Well, yeah. That’s fine. That’s different.”
You frown.
“How?”
The host shakes his head and throws his arm around you like you’re a fifth grader gearing up for a life lesson.
“Because they’re mixing it with booze. That’s the point.”
You look around, hoping for backup, but the crowd has gathered, wide-eyed and eager for blood. Some lady fans herself like she’s about to faint from your audacity.
“Okay, my bad,” you stammer, trying to recover. Your eyes dart to a 12-pack of Coke. “I’ll just grab a Coke, then.”
The host’s face contorts like he’s passing a kidney stone.
“Dude, no! Those are personal too!”
Now you’re fully floored. Everything you knew about life has gone out the window and flushed into the toilet.
“What? I just saw someone make a rum and Coke!”
“Well, yeah! You can’t have a rum and Coke without the Coke.”
“But I can’t have a Coke without rum?”
“Unless the Coke is powdered.”
You shake your head, hoping sense will fall in.
“Wait… wait… so you’re saying drink anything you want, as long as there’s alcohol in it, but the second I take a non-alcoholic drink, it’s… it’s personal?”
“YES!”
The lady shakes her head and reapplies her lipstick clearly annoyed with you.
You throw your hands up.
“WHY?”
The host’s face grows an easy smile.
“Because this is America.”
You frown, and the host, ever the people pleaser, throws his arm around you once more.
“So… do you want a beer?”
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. It’s funny to me, whenever I hold a party, I don’t care if people don’t drink, I usually don’t drink myself, but I thought it was funny how I was pissed when someone drank my coke, and an article was born.
I would have definitely gone for the Lime LaCroix. Lol. It’s funny how so many people consider it weird or even disrespectful when others don’t drink alcohol while they’re drinking.🤦🏽♀️
It’s so weird! Like why do people care lmao
When I throw parties, it’s usually BYOB, alcoholic or not. I don’t mind when partiers abstain. They are usually DDs. BUT! I hate it when they assume BYOB is only alcohol and they drink all my bottled water and sodas. 😂
I have been abstaining from alcohol for the last year and definitely will grab something nonalcoholic (or bring my own if I suspect there won’t be options). It is interesting in our culture how people just assume everyone drinks and react weirdly if someone is not drinking.
It’s such a weird thing, it really is
I have never felt so bad for whoever 😂 what a confusing experience, so much pressure, so much of everything uncomfortable. This is why I’m always curled up at home, watching a series or movie.
Nothing better than a good night in
Thank you for writing this uncomfortable observation, Tony! I don’t drink alcohol and find myself being asked to justify this at most parties. Or worse, it’s just an immediate conversation killer for the other person. Why?!
Literally makes no sense
i know what you mean here. after navigating the frat scene in college – i’ve grown an annoyance with pressure hosts and party themes where drinking is an uncomfortably obvious priority. Mike
Hahah yeah it’s a thing forsure
“What you want, is human connection without connection.” This resonates with me. The “in-person” connection is hard to navigate because people can be such assholes. If I could know ahead of time the kind of personalities I’ll be dealing at a social event, I might be more apt to attend. I don’t want to waste my time and energy trying to socialize with people I have nothing in common with. I’m too old for that. When I was younger I was very social because I drank a lot, and all my friends drank. You can have fun with almost anybody when your drinking. Now that I rarely drink, I can’t imagine having to be at a party with people who are buzzed or drunk, especially if many are strangers to me. I can’t think of a worse way of spending my time.
Love this! 🙂
Thank you so much my friend
“…human connection without connection” is so true. At certain parties, those who don’t drink appear to be in a parallel universe! There – but not there. LOL. I stopped drinking and I came to realize that these parties are no longer ‘a social gathering’ of friends. Some of these parties appear to me now to be a reason to drink (?) – an excuse? Or a ‘place’ to drink (?) where others are drinking as much or more, making one comfortable with the idea of wanting to get drunk and not facing this alone which could be ‘disturbing’. It is so ingrained in society…you described it beautifully – a great ‘snapshot’ of this situation!
Hilarious and oh-so-real as usual, Anthony!
As a Deaf person, this oppressive is very real in today world. I can relate to the person who was drinking non-alcoholic pressure feeling in the different situations in life.
yeah
I love your blog. This post truly resonated. For me, finding a LaCroix at a family gathering is like trying to find the proverbial needle in a haystack. You really have to fish around in the cooler — sometimes reaching elbow-deep in the ice — to find one among the beer and wine coolers. And when you do, people give you an incredulous look, as if you pulled a rabbit from a hat. I don’t regret my decision to stop drinking (although family parties sometimes make me question this decision). However, nowadays, I always make sure to come prepared with my own case of fizzy water. Occasionally, I even get to enjoy one at the party. Great blog, keep up the great work!
Thank you so much! I do the same now
Nicely written, was fun to read!
Thank you so much!