“I just don’t know what to do with my life.”
I watched the words tumble out of my friend’s mouth, falling somewhere between a smile and a sigh. We were sitting around a bonfire talking about future plans when he admitted something most people have felt at one point:
Not knowing what the fuck to do with their life.
And that’s… well, frustrating.
Spend five minutes on social media and it looks like everyone else has it all figured out.
They’ve got the career, the relationship, the abs, and even a damn golden retriever all neatly lined up, marching toward their goals while you’re stuck staring at their smiling faces wondering why you don’t have that too.
But here’s your gentle reminder: people smile for the camera.
What you see isn’t always reality.
And it never was.
I turned back to my friend and shifted in my seat.
“So what are you going to do about it?” I asked.
He poked a stick into the coals, sparks flying into the night sky. “I think so-and-so has something going on. They said I could move down there and stay with them.”
And at that, I frowned.
The sober truth about finding direction in life
My friend is a dreamer. He often talks about how the world should work, how people are constantly being wronged, and how someone ought to fix it.
And while those are great thoughts to have, if I’m being honest? He’s waiting and has been for years. Waiting for someone to swoop in and hand him his life purpose in a neatly sealed envelope.
The thing is life doesn’t work that way.
This isn’t the movies.
You’re not going to wake up one morning, open your door, and have a 500-pound bearded man announce, “Hey Harry, you’re a wizard.” “That’s why it’s not working out, you’re just in the wrong place.”
Nope.
Nobody’s coming.
So you have to chart your own course. Which, in many ways, is kind of like being a wizard because you’re the one who brings the magic into your own damn life.
The framework for figuring it out
So how in the hell do you find direction for what to do with your life?
Well, if you ask me, you don’t need a ten-step plan, a guru, or a 400-page self-help book. You just need to answer two questions:
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What do I not want to do?
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What gives me energy?
Step 1: What you don’t want to do
This is the easier entry point.
Why? Because we all know what we don’t like.
You don’t need a spiritual awakening to know that sitting in traffic for two hours or grinding through soul-sucking busywork isn’t your thing. You’ve already got a mental list of shit that makes you groan the second it lands on your plate.
Use that.
Every time you bump into something that drains you, cross it off your life menu. That’s progress. You’re narrowing the field. You’re clearing the weeds so you can actually see what’s left.
Step 2: What gives you energy
Here’s the trickier but far more important part.
Once you’ve cut the obvious “hell no’s,” you need to notice what actually gives you life. And no, it doesn’t feel like touching a live wire. There’s no dramatic rush where the heavens part and you suddenly “just know.”
It’s subtle. At first, it’s just a faint hum. A spark of interest. A sense that you could keep going without wanting to slam your head against the desk. That’s the feeling to pay attention to.
Because the happiest people? They’re not the ones who magically stumbled onto their perfect calling. They’re the ones who spend most of their 24 hours doing stuff that stimulates them mentally, challenges them in the right way, and makes their work feel like fuel instead of a slow leak.
And the only way to find that is to experiment. Try a bunch of things. Then reflect. After each attempt, ask yourself:
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Did this give me energy?
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Do I want to do it again?
Over time, those small notes add up. You start cutting out the dead weight and leaning into the stuff that lights you up.
That’s the whole process.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not instant.
But it fucking works.
Because here’s the truth: whatever you choose, you’re going to spend a lot of your life doing it. So why waste that time on things that empty you out?
Full Circle
I wish it weren’t so, but no one is going to swoop in and tell you your hidden truth.
It’s on you to do the work.
Always has been, always will be.
But the moment you accept that, something shifts.
You stop waiting and start doing.
And when you start doing, that’s the moment you finally feel in control.
Do you agree? Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think! More importantly, thank you for reading.
Great post, do what you want to do and happiness follows.
Totally agree! Appreciate yo reading
So true. 🙂
Thank you for reading my friend!!
Nobody’s coming
Only us!
Totally agree 🙌🏻
Thanks so much!!
“But here’s your reminder: people smile for the camera. What you see isn’t always reality.” Um, you mean social media isn’t real? You’ve just broken my glass house Tony. And then on top of that, you tell me that nobody is coming. Wow, I’m going to start to call you the Grinch!!! And maybe a few other choice names. Ha, ha. No, you’re so right. Nobody is coming. It’s up to us to find our passion, to right our ships. Great advice.
So happy you enjoyed my friend!
Just don’t light a fire for when I come down the chimney 😉
Imagine finding out “nobody is coming” after years locked in a belief that there is. You’ve just shattered the matrix. Congrats!
Btw, I am being sincere, I used to believe someone was coming to save me, so thank you for telling us all, “ain’t happenin”. It is rather brave to be so honest.
No worries at all, so happy to help!!
I agree! Great post!
“you’re the one who brings the magic into your own damn life.” Yep! Totally agree!
Agree! I love that you made it a point to figure out what you don’t want to do as well!
Very wise advice. I spent three decades in retailing management but never felt like it defined who I was. Even though, with all modesty, I was good at it. I switched careers late in life and became a window clerk at the USPS, but that’s not who I was either. It was what I did with the scant hours left to me outside of work that defined who I was. Now that I’m retired, it’s all I am.
Thank you so much for reading my friend!!
Well shared.
“My friend is a dreamer. He often talks about how the world should work, how people are constantly being wronged, and how someone ought to fix it.” Advice all our politicians need to receive and take seriously. Boy am I sick a tired of finger point campaign messaging and without clear viable alternatives! So step one done. My little thing is to blog the to discomfort, and that energizes me. Step two also done 😉 Seriously though, I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing 🙏🏿🇺🇬
Unfortunately, life’s purpose usually doesn’t pay the bills. I’ve had the jobs I was passionate about, now I have the soul-sucking job that pays the bills so I can continue to throw what little free time I have at the things I love.
I so agree!
Indeed! Appreciate you reading my friend!
Honest, no-fluff, and real. Thank you for writing this. This is one of the most grounding, practical, yet inspiring things I’ve read in a while.
Tina
So happy this helped! Made my day reading this.
As someone who is young and very very dumb, this definitely hits home for me. I already have a strong sense of what I want to do and yet I still sometimes struggle with this! It’s like, I still want to do and be 10,000 other things lol. Thanks for the heartfelt advice 🙂 .
Great post. A little long for my liking, but it strikes a chord. What I have learned about social media is this: 49% of the posts are lies, 49% of the posts are not true, and the other 2% exaggerate….so why would anyone use social media as a launch point to measure life?