If you want to be invisible on Halloween, be a gnome.
People assume you’re harmless—like a lawn ornament that wandered a bit too far. Perfect for those of us who’d rather observe than participate.
So that’s exactly what I chose to do this year – I chose to be a lawn gnome so I could observe Halloween undisturbed.
After all – it’s the Superbowl of people watching.
As I performed my civic duty of being the creepy stranger who hands out candy to kids, I’d like to take some time and share what I saw.
I saw a little girl run up to me with eyes wide and call me “Santa.” She proceeded to tug my gnome beard so hard it fell from my face. Somewhere between the panic in her eyes and the beard in her fist, I thought, “Do I need to lose weight?” The scene lasted only a second but may have left her memory of “Santa” scarred for a lifetime.
I saw another kid peer up at me, squint, and ask, “Are you Papa Smurf?” It caught me off guard, so I quickly replied, “Only when I’m feeling blue.” I watched the joke fly directly over her head, but thankfully, it landed appreciatively in mine.
I saw a boy dig through my candy bucket with the intensity of a gold miner panning for diamonds. It made me question when Halloween started becoming more like a buffet and less like the luck of the draw.
I saw a devoted dog walker plow through the throngs of trick-or-treaters like Halloween was a giant inconvenience. His pace never slowed, and his face held a mixture of mild irritation and total indifference as if all these people on his sidewalk were an obstacle course he hadn’t signed up for. It made me wonder why anyone would willingly walk their dog on Halloween.
I saw a guy crack a joke that failed so spectacularly it was as if the very air rejected it. He slunk off into the night like his very spirit was booed by the universe.
I saw adults trick-or-treating without children—some holding plastic pumpkins, others just extending an empty hand with a grin. While there’s no official age limit on trick-or-treating, these adults seemed less like they were “reliving childhood” and more like they’d found a loophole in the system.
I saw two 15-year-old boys peer through a window at younger kids racing around in costumes, realizing, perhaps for the first time, that their Halloween days were slipping away. I imagine it’ll be a good ten years before they’re back, on the other side of the candy bowl, in costumes like mine, doling out treats to strangers.
I heard the inevitable chorus of parents complaining about the price of candy, and I found myself nodding along, all of us bonded in silent agreement that it’s too much.
I watched another dog walker look away when their dog dropped a deuce in someone’s yard. They quickly kicked leaves over it, and I can only imagine how many people stepped in it.
And I felt the transition as the excitement of Halloween started to fade, as reality poured in.
Halloween, what a treat.
Please, like, comment, share and tell me what you think! What did you see?
Good philosophical observations on a variety of Halloween aspects. If these are not literal observations, they have a feel of authenticity.
So happy you enjoyed, thank you for reading
I absolutely loved reading every second of this!
So happy you did, thank you so much!
What a concept The gnome idea had ne laughing and the observations were funny and brilliant. You went straight to the top shelf with today post Anthony. Santa indeed lol
So happy you enjoyed, thank you!!
We were home for once this Halloween. Alas, the only person who came to our door was the pizza guy. We gave him 5 pieces of candy. I enjoyed your Halloween observations!
Heck yes! The gnome gets a bonus on building mechanical vehicles. Not sure if they are as good at sneaking like the halflings. Choices, choices (just joking around). I always like your observations. Keep em coming.
Thank you so much- we’re handy with a wrench
“I saw a boy dig through my candy bucket with the intensity of a gold miner panning for diamonds.” Kind of the same thing for the kid. Of course, personally, I’d take the gold or diamonds. You can buy a lot of great candy and wouldn’t need to dig with a skeptical eye. Ha, ha.
I’m with you there! Gold is the better right up until the moment you bite it and shatter your teeth! Thank you for reading
I would’ve called the dog-poop guy out, but I’m weird about poop and owners like that, though.
And this:
“I saw a guy crack a joke that failed so spectacularly it was as if the very air rejected it. He slunk off into the night like his very spirit was booed by the universe.”
😂😆🤣 He shouldn’t quit his day job.
“I saw adults trick-or-treating without children—some holding plastic pumpkins, others just extending an empty hand with a grin. While there’s no official age limit on trick-or-treating, these adults seemed less like they were “reliving childhood” and more like they’d found a loophole in the system.”‘
Um, sir . . . free candy! 😂😆🤣
So happy you enjoyed, I’m happy the dog didn’t take a dump in my yard
💯💯💯 I’m glad it didn’t, either!
Like this a lot.
Gwen.
Thank you so much!
Hola,
Thanks for the like on my post back on my blog.
Your observations were a hoot; and I love the thought of being disguised as a lawn ornament. xD
Thank you so much, so glad you enjoyed