“So what’ll it be?”
He knew it was wrong, and you could see it in his eyes.
Hopeful, a little embarrassed, and actively coming to terms with the fact that—yes—he was the reason the gas station stopped moving.
But that didn’t faze him.
He turned back around before losing himself in the reflection of the Great Wall of Lotto.
Before him were over 50 different scratch-off options, stacked in even rows with aggressive names like Cashplosion, Gold Rush Deluxe, Fast Money Fever, and Chill Payday, which features a snowman in sunglasses, inexplicably leaning on a palm tree.
All of this had the man in a trance, studying his options like he’s selecting a retirement plan.
And he is.
Meanwhile, the cashier’s eyes flick back and forth, seeing the seed of a problem start to take root. It’s been a solid 30 seconds since the man arrived at the counter, and time has stood still.
He taps the counter and leans over, trying to see if there’s any life in him.
“Hey buddy, what’ll it be?”
But the man doesn’t respond.
“Hello??”
Still nothing.
Instead, he scratches his belly—absentmindedly, like the world is his couch.
Then, after a beat, he says:
“Uhhh… let me get…”
The line holds its breath as he seemingly relearns counting.
21…
22…
23…
A toddler behind you starts crying.
Or maybe it’s you.
24…
25…
26…
“Dude, what the actual fuck,” someone mutters behind you.
And you feel a strange relief that at least you’re not suffering alone.
That someone else has an afternoon that’s also being ruined.
Was this the company misery kept?
The man now scratches his chin, like a professor trying to recall the name of an ancient Greek island—while buying Super Money Tornado on a Tuesday.
“And uhh…”
His eyes scan tickets 17 through 19, and you think you’ve got this bastard pegged.
You whisper, “Seventeen.”
He says, “Seventeen.”
And just like that, you’re psychic and can foresee yourself still being stuck here.
“Hurry the fuck up!” comes a cry from the back.
You don’t turn.
The cashier glances from the man back to the line and sees three more people caught up in the cobweb.
One has a frozen burrito.
One has transmission fluid.
One looks like she hasn’t slept since April.
The cashier whispers, “Fuck,” becomes acutely aware of his blood pressure, before turning back to the man.
“Hey, Bub, you’re holding up the line. Will that be all?”
The Bub wakes him.
He hesitates, glancing at the scratchers, then back at the cashier.
“…Yeah.”
The line exhales, like a missing pet has just wandered home.
The cashier nods and punches in the numbers.
“Ok… ok… That’ll be 57 bucks. Will this be cash or credit?”
The man ponders.
“Credit.”
Then reaches for the wallet he could’ve pulled out five minutes ago.
Meanwhile—
You see the finish line.
Sweet, sweet freedom, only one slow idiot away.
But as the man goes to insert his credit card, the payment system crashes.
His winnings gone in a blink.
And he and the cashier look at each other, both wanting to kill the other man.
Then, all at once, the man throws his hands up, storms out of the gas station, and calls this place “a bunch of bullshit.”
You seem to agree.
But at least you’re up.
You have cash.
And you quietly buy Ticket #17.
Because the Great Wall of Lotto pulled you in too.
Please like comment, share and tell me what you think. Have you met this man.
Follow my substack here:Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack
😂🤣😂 I love this line! “Instead, he scratches his belly—absentmindedly, like the world is his couch.”
Well done!!
Hahaha thanks so much! Just recording what I saw
As they say … Write what you know! 😂
Love reading your blogs … keep them coming!
Thank you so so much – made my day
Too funny. Kind of like going to McDonalds or any of the fast food places and getting behind the man or woman who looks at the menu like he or she is seeing it for the first time. Umm, it’s been the same menu (with only a few slight changes) since you were a kid. Ha, ha. Aren’t we impatient ones? Ha, ha.
That absolutely drives me crazy! Menu hasn’t changed in 20 years!
Lol. Come on now, guys; there’s always someone going there for the first time!
While the menu may not have changed, the prices have, like a chameleon and a customer has to eat on a BUDGET if they must🤷
I agree with Sandy..what a great line. I love it when you order #17 with cash…too funny. Thanks for the laugh!
No problem, thanks for the read – so happy you enjoyed!
Scratch cards. The work of the Devil. You know he’s got your number, aka 7, 666, 144,000. 🙂 🙂 🙂
OMG absolutely made my day! I love the overdramatic! Check out my block if you get a chance
So funny, exactly what happens when we want to pay for gas and buy a few Quick Picks, but get behind a “real lottery player” who buys ALL kinds of stuff. Thanks for the chuckle.
Funny stuff! You hit the nail except I get that here at the supermarket cashier, waiting in line and going through all the motions. Add to that a really hot day and half the people not wearing deodorant or haven’t had a shower for a week or so and you get the picture!
I do love how you take on the mundane realities of daily life and cast them with an odd enchantment and a belly-laughing finale. Well done.
Thank you so much! Humor lives in annoyance
Been there a hundred times, and I feel every inch of your pain. The waiting until the total is rung up before considering one’s method of payment. Worse still, counting out precise change to save everyone a bit of time.
Love this story. We all have been there. Love the image of “The Great Wall of Lotto ” 🤣😎🙃
Reading your writing is the kind of fun that is like getting away with something. I really enjoy it. There were so many lines in this one that I really liked, and I have to ask…
Did you win?
I won a night of heartburn when I realized I wasted 2 dollars.
Thank you so much for the kind words, you made my day!