Hey Hank,
Keep it up.
Well—tell your dog to, that is.
Tell him to keep going for me because after a few more hours, he’ll set the world record for most consecutive barks from a single canine. And to live this close to the precipice of greatness—it feels historic.
Like one of those moments they’ll write about and even force school children to memorize for a test.
So please, consider this encouragement, not a complaint.
Where do I even begin?
First, I have to compliment your dog’s imagination.
He barks as if fleets of mailmen are lining up outside your door just begging to deliver the mail.
In his mind, the mailbox is overflowing with letters piling into the driveway, spilling into the street, blowing in the wind.
And when the barks come faster, sharper, harder—I picture him seeing a burglar, knife in one hand, bad intentions in the other, pushed back only by his noble noise.
Everyone plays the hero of their own dreams, I suppose.
But still—his vision, his imagination, there aren’t enough colors in the world to express it.
Second, the stamina.
Wow!
Just wow!
I can barely make it through a two-minute small-talk conversation without searching for the nearest exit.
This letter? It’s killing me.
Yet Fido? He barks like an Olympic athlete.
The passion. The preparation. The performance. The follow-through.
Chef’s kiss.
And finally—the volume.
Yikes!
I haven’t had a good night’s rest in days.
At first, I thought it might drive me to the edge.
I thought one more sleepless night might make me drive over to your house and kill him and kill you.
Not literally, of course.
But now? It’s music to my ears. The rhythm of a thousand tiny woofs has become my favorite white noise machine, and I hope it never stops.
So keep it up.
Keep going.
Because greatness comes with a cost.
And I’m willing to help him pay the price.
—The Neighbor
P.S. — Tell him to be careful. Home security companies might come after him for stealing their business model.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think!
This is a fact. My dog Ramon, 15 years young, perches on the back of a soft chair near the window every day. He lets me know when there are dogs, cats, people, cars…everything that goes by outside. He thinks he is protecting me, and he probably is. I don’t ever tell him to stop because I know he won’t and because he feels it is his job. I always thank him and tell him he’s doing a good job. 🙂
I do the same with ours – I feel safer with them
I was just thinking the other day that barking dogs beat screaming children because while children can and do scream non-stop for hours they do eventually run out of steam. Dogs never stop. Never ever never.
They’re olympians for sure!!
Hey Tony, sounds like it’s time for you to move to a different neighborhood. Loud music, and now non stop dog barking! 🫣
Hahah yeahhh know any good places?
I agree with Carolina Mom, although it seems unfair that you should have to move. Can’t this guy get warned as a noise nuisance or something? You can’t be the only one affected by his antisocial and irresponsible attitude 😐
Hahah yeah… the silver lining is this is fiction but my neighbor really does bump music from time to time
Thank goodness it’s not real – but neighbours can be a pain, as you suggest. 🙂
😂
On a quest for an island so undiscovered that even pirates haven’t bothered to leave a Yelp review. I’ll keep you posted. It’s ok, you can be my neighbor. 😉
Let’s do it! I’ll bring the marshmellows
Deal. 🤝
🤝
Best line: _Not literally, of course._ Ha! Do it.
A nonstop barking neighbor is not at all pleasant. You have my sympathy. My neighbors and I faced a slightly different annoyance the past few weeks. Some college kid had parked on our street and just left his car sitting there. It had a faulty switch or something and at random time of the day AND night, the car alarm would go off. We finally put so much pressure on the police that one of our officers actually solved the problem. (Actually, I fear the problem probably just moved to another neighborhood, but at least it’s off our street with the 3 families with babes under 2!)
Oh man I’d be going crazy!’ Must be bad if you’re gettin help!
United front. 😣
Wait, do you live in my neighborhood?! There’s always SOMEONE’S dog that just can’t shut up, I swear. Our friendly crime fighting neighborhood dog barks exactly the same cadence, all day, every 3 seconds, for hours. It’s infuriating. And then, next door is the ankle biter… don’t get me started on THAT one. Ugh.
This is why I like cats.
Love cats too! They have so much personality
Yes, they do! We have 4 cats and each one has their unique personality… love them so much!
Many people get hurt riding electric bikes, because they are so quiet cars don’t hear them. In my neighborhood they have fixed this problem by insuring that every electric bike comes with a pre-installed sound system that could drown out a jet engine. They are also programmed to only play the bass, so that if you are deaf, you will still know that they are in your blind spot, because your windows will rattle.