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A Letter to the Neighbor Who Plays Loud Music

Hey Julio,

Can you please turn the music up?

The dead can’t hear it.

And to be honest, they really ought to hear something, because they can’t hear anything you know?

Because they’re dead, Julio.

Dead.

And if anyone deserves front-row seats to your playlist, it’s the people who haven’t heard anything for years.

Make their bones rattle. 

Call it exercise.

And while you’re at it, crank it up for the rest of us, too.

Because right now, I can’t hear myself think, and I’ve started to enjoy that feeling.

Thinking ruins everything.

Thinking is how civilizations collapse, you know. 

So please, save the neighborhood from our own dangerous thoughts.

If you don’t, we might organize. And you don’t want us organized, Julio.

We’ll turn into a PTO meeting, and nobody wants that.

Louder, please.

I’ve actually started to enjoy your music during my movie nights.

Seriously, you turned The Exorcist into a rom-com. Freddy Krueger chasing teenagers? Suddenly hilarious when set to a country twang.

You’ve changed my entire perspective on soundtracks.

Julio, I want you to score my life: breakfast, commute, dentist appointments — the whole sha-bang.

Don’t stop now, Julio. Don’t you dare stop.

Today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Forever.

My house is shaking. Dust has started falling from the ceiling.

Just a few more decibels, and I can finally file that insurance claim.

I’ll be so rich I can buy silence.

So rich I can be unseen.

We’re so close.

Yet so far.

So please, Julio, crank it up then crank it up some more.

This is only your beginning.

With gratitude and mild tinnitus,

Your Biggest Fan.

—The Neighbor

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think! Have you met him?

39 thoughts on “A Letter to the Neighbor Who Plays Loud Music”

  3. A little dark, there. But truly, I’d rather smell skunk in my neighborhood than have it polluted with media I can’t turn off.

    Reply

  6. I love what you say here and yes, I once had a neighbour like that and my thoughts once were that you could use if you wish to, “the electric bill I saved because I listened to your music instead of playing my own or watching the tv. I had free entertainment at your expense.”

    Reply

  10. Does he ever stop? Like late at night? That should be your cue to turn yours up loud, leave it up, and go out. It might inconvenience you for a while, a few days, maybe a week, but he ought to get the message at some point. Fight fire with fire, my friend. 🙁

    Reply

  16. I had the advantage of being a corporate musician as a career. My synth rig alone would punish any home sound system. And did, when required. Better still, I could dial in sub bass drones that made even the best trunk rumbling ghetto ride phase cancel and implode.
    Normally I use headphones. And yes, I know this neighbor. Too bad their choice of music is always as brain dead as they are. Like Lamont Dozier told me, If we weren’t out of our chairs it got tossed. Amen.

    Reply

  23. My neighbors hear games from the NBA, NFL, NHL, shortwave radio, and citizen band. As for music I plug in my headphones and listen to my music cds all through the night. ✌️

    Reply

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