Want to know what the biggest misconception of grief is?

That you’ll get over it. 

Because the truth is, you don’t. Instead, you learn to live with it. 

I apologize for not being as active lately, but it’s for good reason:

I’ve been putting together a workbook on how to live with grief.

That said, here are a few prompts – can you let me know if they actually help?

P.S. In my book, I separate days into good days and bad days. Also, the wave is the wave of grief.

BAD DAY · 8 — The shoulds

Grief loves the word should. Should have called. Should have known. Should have been there. But here’s the truth hiding behind every should: you were a human being doing the best you can with what you had going on at the time. That’s all any of us ever gets. Everyone has a should and it looks clear with hindsight. But hindsight is just that. So don’t beat yourself up.

Write: Write the biggest should you’re carrying. Then underneath: Write why it’s ok it didn’t happen. Here’s a hint… you and me… we’re human. Be as kind to yourself as you’d be to a friend saying the same thing.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

BAD DAY · 7 — It was rude of them to die

Here’s a feeling that sympathy cards skip: rage. Actual anger that they had the nerve to leave you holding all of it — the bills, the empty side of the bed, the stories with no one to tell. Loving someone and being furious at them for dying are not opposites. Some days they’re the same sentence. Because the people we love are often the people we argue with.

Write: Tell them off. Right here. Every unfair thing they left you with. Don’t be polite — politeness is for funerals, and this isn’t one.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

BAD DAY · 5 — Their name is still in my phone

You keep scrolling past a name that will never light up your screen again. You can’t quite delete it — because deleting it feels like a second, smaller death — so it just sits there in your contacts, like a little tombstone in your pocket.

Write: Don’t delete it. Instead, write the text you’d send right now if it would go through. Send it here.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

GOOD DAY · 3 — A Tuesday, not a milestone

We store the dead as highlight reels — the wedding, the speech, the big day. But that’s not who you miss. You miss them on a random Tuesday: barefoot in the kitchen, complaining about the news, and telling a story that had no point and took nine minutes. The ordinary, not the highlight reel is where the person actually lived. Remember that.

Write: Write one scene with them as the main character — think a Tuesday, not a milestone. What were they doing, what did they say, what did the room smell like? When you finish, underline the one detail you never want to forget. That underline is the point.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

GOOD DAY · 19 — The thing that drove me nuts

Here’s the con nobody warns you about: you will end up missing the exact habits that used to make you insane. The humming. The chewing. The way they parked in the back because they were so worried about someone scratching their car.

Write: Write the annoying thing you’d give anything to be annoyed by again. Let yourself laugh at it. Missing the irritating stuff is just love, being honest about the whole person.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

GOOD DAY · 37 — A letter from them

You knew them well enough to know what they’d write you — how they’d talk you off a ledge, what they’d want for you, and how they’d sign off. So let them write it.

Write: Write the letter they’d write you right now. Let them be kind to you. Let them be proud of you. They would be — so let them say it in their own words.

Today’s Wave: ☐ hard ☐ okay ☐ good
When it hit: ______________________
Why do you think you felt that way? ______________________
What were you really trying to feel? ______________________
A stranger had your exact day. What would you tell them? ______________________

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. Do you think this actually helps?