The Person Losing Their Mind at an Intersection

You made the mistake of going shopping because buying fiber waits for no one.

And at this particular plaza, there’s a three-way stop, with a mysterious fourth lane that cuts through and gets the right-of-way.

You get there first.

And after you let the oncoming driver go, you start your left turn when you hear the world’s loudest HONK.

Not a normal honk.

The honk that only comes when someone is trying to push the steering wheel through the front fender.

You look up and there’s a woman sitting behind the stop sign, her face so pink it could be mistaken for bubble gum.

Her hair is actively becoming untangled.

Her glasses are steaming up.

And she looks like she’s been told the grocery store ran out of cheese.

Then you look down at her license plate.

Massachusetts.

And suddenly you understand the term “Masshole.”

The Guy With His Elbow Sticking Out

Not a damn care in the world.

One minute you’re rolling the dice, hoping you can make it home on an eighth of a tank.

The next, you see the elbow.

Just hanging out the window.

The man’s entire arm looks more relaxed than you ever felt at a spa.

He has somewhere to go.

He just doesn’t seem particularly interested in getting there.

It’s amazing.

The Couple Arguing

Sometimes it’s a woman foaming at the mouth while her husband sits there looking like he’s actively regreetign his marriage.

Sometimes it’s the reverse.

And other times it’s two men or two women who aren’t saying a word , just staring straight ahead, dead-eyed, mouths muted.

Which is somehow worse.

The crazy part is, you know it started with something small.

“I can’t believe you didn’t want to go to Target with me.”

That’s it.

That was the crime.

But twelve minutes later, they’re screaming about something that happened in 2014.

You’d almost feel bad.

But you’re married.

The Texter

Are they driving, or are they texting?

Actually, they’re doing both.

Correction.

Oh shit!

They’re doing both.

You’re stuck behind some yahoo and watch the car drift ever so slightly to the right.

Then ever so slightly to the left.

Then back to the right.

And at this point, you’re no longer following a car but following a question.

“What the Heck are they doing?”

You wait for a couple of giant semis to pass so you can get around them.

When you finally do, you look over.

Their head is down.

They quickly look up.

Then squint.

Then look back down at their phone.

Apparently, whatever they’re watching on YouTube cannot wait until they reach their destination.

You call them an asshole.

Then text your friend that you’ll be 15 minutes late.

The Speedster

Life in the fast lane.

You try to pass them.

Well…

You attempt to pass them.

Because the moment they see your turn signal, they push the hammer down.

Now they’re gone.

They’re shaving seconds off their trip like they’re being paid by the minute.

And for what?

To sit at the same red light as you.

You see them stopped and smile as you pull up beside them.

They look straight ahead.

You look straight ahead.

Neither of you acknowledges what just happened.

And the cruelest part is, they’re never the ones who get pulled over.

 

The Slow Driver

The turtle who learned to drive.

Like everyone else, you want to go home.

But in front of you is a streak of taillights so red you’d think someone went over the earth with a Crayola.

You swear.

You move to the left.

And what you want most is to see the bastard causing all this slow up.

Your pulse quickens.

Then their egg-shaped sedan comes into view.

You pull alongside.

And there they are.

Someone who can barely see over the steering wheel.

You immediately feel terrible.

Because you were expecting an asshole.

Instead, you got somebody’s grandmother.

And now you’re passing them feeling like the worst person in Ohio.

Later in life, you’ll realize that driving slow is the ultimate status symbol.

Everyone else is worried about getting somewhere.

They’re just going.

The Stunt Driver

There you are, cruising at 72 miles per hour, when you see something you thought you’d never see.

A motorcycle.

No.

Motorcycles.

Doing wheelies.

Through traffic.

Like they’re playing GTA with actual vehicles.

You watch one disappear between two cars and think, Well, I guess that’s how he dies.

Then another one flies past you.

And just when you think you’ve seen everything, you notice a bumper sticker.

WATCH OUT FOR MOTORCYCLES.

And you make a mental note to send them a memo.

Watch out for me.

Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think! Who did I miss?

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT of my book Letters From Jasper.  It means the world. And if you’re looking for a new read and enjoy my writing, I’d be honored is you considered reading, Letters From Jasper.

 

PLOT:A dying father hits the road to reconnect with his estranged son, but things take a turn when they get involved in a robbery. 

Perfect for anyone who likes humor and heart reads or has ever had a dead parent.  Available on Kindle Unlimited, Harcover, or Paperback. Here it is: Amazon.com: Letters From Jasper eBook : Winn, Anthony: Kindle Store

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