Anyone can be an idiot… but can YOU be a Facebook idiot? You decide.
What lies below is an utterly satirical guide you can follow to learn how to become a world-class Facebook idiot in preparation for the upcoming election season.
Buckle up, it’s time to lower your IQ.
Post Without Logic
Hey Einstein, guess what? All those years of struggling to better yourself through education are WORTHLESS. Why? Because the cornerstone of being a Facebook idiot is posting without logic. So get a head start and lose yours… (your head). Instead of researching informed political opinions from legitimate sources, you know, painstakingly taking the time to understand all points of view and using logic & reason to interrupt where you fall on the proverbial line…. Do the opposite… post without logic. Actually… don’t do anything…. Make a TV dinner, pick your belly button, and blame the dog for the stained carpet. If anything, just share the stories on Facebook that have pictures with your favorite color. Who doesn’t like your favorite color? Only an idiot… that’s who!
Belittle People For Having Opposite Points Of View
Are you the type of yellow tooth, bone sucking barbarian who steps on spiders when you see them? Great. Now it’s your turn to step on virtual spiders… you know, the bastards who disagree with what you have to say. Whenever someone has the nerve to park their logical opinion in your narrow-minded driveway, prepare to put on your angry old man pants and belittle people who disagree with you. Be proactive. Instead of welcoming a debate, squash the discussion before it even starts. I mean, come on, If someone is disagreeing with you, they must be wrong. After all, you’re always right, and the sun revolves around you. A dedicated Facebook idiot belittles people who see things from a different lens. Instead of embracing America’s melting pot, these people want to watch the pot burn, so they can roast marshmallows and make s’ mores. Who doesn’t love s’ mores, right?
Defend What You Post With Emotion
The critical step in becoming a real Facebook idiot is to defend whatever you post with some pure, hardworkin’, unchecked emotion. Now it’s your turn to become a dragon and let your opinions burn wherever they damn well, please. Essentially, if anyone fancy-schmancy person wants to use “logic,” kick that person in the proverbial balls with your emotional response. Remember, no questions. No logic. Straight emotion. You want to use so much emotion that it drowns all forms of reason. It’s a pool party, baby, it’s time to take a swim.
Never Fact Check
Hey Buddy, come over here and let’s beat this dead horse, dare I say… together. Again, never, ever, EVER fact check what you post. Only an idiot would post something without fact-checking, and that’s our goal. To clarify, our goal isn’t to be informed, it’s being an idiot. So please, don’t fact check any of your political beliefs. Checking the facts is what people who are not idiots do … we don’t want to be like them!
You can’t be a shy sally if you want to be a professional Facebook Idiot. Oh no, check your ego at the door and prepare to give your sausage fingers the workout of a lifetime! Post nonstop like you’re a psychopath running from the government who won’t be silenced. You want to post so much that the Guinness Book of World Records will contact you for a world record. That’s how much you should post. Anytime you smell the first wif of a post you like, share it.. don’t bother reading it…. Reading doesn’t matter. Remember, our goal isn’t to post on facts, logic, or reason. It’s mainly to post things that have our favorite color. Stick to the plan Stan! Stick. To. The. Plan.
Never Take Action
Finally, the best way to earn your Being a Facebook Idiot boy scout badge is to simply never take action on anything you believe. Never. Instead of you know, becoming more involved with your political party, making some phone calls, attending meetings, etc.… do none of that. Instead, keep your lumpy, hairy ass glued to the couch. Is it leather right? You like leather… so grab a soda & stay awhile. You want to aim for all talk, no action. THAT’S how the greats did it! After all, taking action would take you away from your darling TV, and we all know he gets lonely.
Happy Election season, people. Thank you for allowing me to waste your time. Again, this is a joke and my way of poking fun at how some people act on Facebook. I’m not perfect; I’ve made mistakes but, ideally, do the opposite of what I said in this article. Be informed—fact Check. Use Logic. Understand all sides of an issue before posting. Welcome debate. Take action for what you believe in. Be kind. Let’s try to be better as a society; we owe the world that.
Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think. Are you excited about all the political posts?