The Guy Holding the Door Open While Standing in the Doorway

You meet each other at the same time.

One man on either side of the gym door.

And for a split second, you both stare at each other, silently deciding who will go first.

But the guy is quicker to the draw, and grabs the handle.

“Go on ahead, sir.”

And you smile, because someone in this world still has manners.

But when you step forward, you see the problem:

The guy holding the door isn’t holding it like a butler. You know, one arm on the door, body stepped back, leaving the space completely open.

This man is holding it like a rock placed on the inside.

Except this rock, err boulder  is six-foot-four, 305 pounds, with a gym bag hanging from one hand and a shaker bottle sticking out of the side pocket.

And he doesn’t realize it.

He doesn’t realize he’s holding the door open while simultaneously holding the space you’re supposed to walk through, with drops of sweat splashing off the concrete.

So you step forward.

Then step back.

“Nah… you go first.”

The guy turns a shade of pink.

“No… no… no… no… you go. I already got the door.”

“Nah. I insist.”

And now nobody is going through the door, and the guy thinks you’re an asshole.

 

The Person Who Waves You Through Traffic

You’re sitting at a left turn on a four-lane street.

Cars are screaming by on either side.

Except for the innermost lane, where one kind soul has stopped.

He looks over the top of his reading glasses and flashes his lights.

“Go.”

You raise your hand to acknowledge him.

But there’s a problem.

You can’t see the traffic coming from the other direction, because he blocked a growing line of cars.

And neither can he, because he’s too focused on you.

You see another flash, then hear a friendly toot of the horn.

You smile and point toward the traffic.

“Cars.”

He can’t hear you.

Now the kind man is leaning on the horn.

He rolls down his window.

“GOOOOOOOOO!”

Your hands shake.

“I CAN’T!”

He points at you.

You point at the cars.

He points forward.

You point at the cars.

Neither of you is getting anywhere.

Cars behind both of you are starting to pile up.

Now you’re feeling the pressure.

There’s a chorus of horns gaining steam behind you.

The kind man is still waving you through.

So eventually, you gun it.

And immediately get sideswiped by a guy looking at his cellphone.

You sit there for a second.

The helpful driver looks at you.

You look at him.

He frowns.

Then quickly drives away.

Like this was somehow your fault.

It was.

 

The Person Who Says, “Take Your Time”

It happened innocently enough.

You’re fumbling for your Advantage Card at the grocery store when you hear:

“Take your time.”

You turn around.

A guy is standing behind you in line with his arms folded and a smile on his face.

You slowly turn back.

Your wallet suddenly feels unfamiliar.

You know the card is in there.

You’ve seen it before.

So you start fumbling through the wallet.

You pull out three credit cards.

An expired insurance card.

And a receipt from six months ago.

You go to shake your wallet when… it drops.

“Fuck.”

You crouch down to pick everything up.

“No… it’s okay.”

Your eyes widen.

His body language is telling you he wants to stick a plastic knife in your neck, but his face is calm and cool.

You find the wallet and start stretching the pockets out, peering into them like somehow that will help you see the giant orange card.

“Seriously. No rush.”

So you start rushing.

You pat your pockets.

Then your back pocket.

Then the wallet again.

“Slow down. It’s okay.”

Now you’re moving even faster.

You check your coat.

Nothing.

Front pocket.

Nothing.

Wallet.

Nothing.

Finally, on one last pat, you feel something stiff.

You pull it out.

It’s the Advantage Card.

There it is.

Your face sighs with relief.

You hand it to the cashier.

And the cashier drops it.

The Person Who Explains Something You Already Understand

“Yeah, I got it.”

They continue.

“So basically what you’re going to want to do is—”

“I understand.”

“Right. So what you do is—”

“I got it.”

They continue.

Now they’re using their hands.

One hand is moving through the air like they’re drawing a diagram.

You start nodding.

“Right.”

“Exactly.”

“Yep.”

You nod again.

They explain it another way.

You nod.

Then another way.

You nod again.

Eventually, they finish.

“Does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

You pause.

“Actually, I forgot…”

They lean forward.

You can see it in their eyes.

They’re ready.

You’ve given them another opportunity to explain it.

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