Happy birthday to me.
As I celebrate my 113th trip around the sun, let me reassure you, age is just a number.
Us old people are younger than you think!
I am 113 years young and I love napping. Oh, glorious, get-me-out-of-situations napping! I’ve mastered the art of sneaking in a siesta before and after every meal. Put me in a situation I don’t want to be in, and I’m out faster than a neon light at a rundown bar. You better leave me be, or you’ll witness my volcanic rage equal to a thousand toddlers being denied their mom’s iPad. Before I go, I’ve been contemplating making “Nap Time” a national holiday, and I’m sure I’ll have millions of supporters. Particularly the office folk.
I am 113 years young and I have selective hearing. What? Did you say something? Come again? I have an innate ability to strategically tune out the less exciting stuff in life. Take my medicine? Eat my vegetables? Call my family? Yuck! What did you say? … I lost my hearing years ago. Well, at least, between you and me, that’s what everyone thinks. My secret is, I’m just a pro at filtering out the mundane and a damn good actor. If you want to get my attention, you’ll have to bribe me with a plate of warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies, and offer up Matlock on Blue Ray — then we’ll have a deal!
I am 113 years young, and boy, do I misplace things. Now, where in the wide world of walking canes is the damn clicker? And don’t even get me started on my keys… jingly bastards. Even my dentures join in on the vanishing act. And it’s not just the small stuff. Oh no, I’ve misplaced entire conversations! (Selective hearing rears its ugly head yet again!) My brain likes to play hide-and-seek with my memories sometimes, and it’s like trying to catch soap bubbles with a butterfly net.
I am 113 years old and I’m fascinated by technology. One moment, I’m scrolling through social media, wishing my son-in-law’s high school friend, whom I never met a happy birthday. The next I’m wondering if my smartphone is possessed. I said something out loud, and it magically appears on my phone. Did I accidentally summon a ghost? Technology is great. Before, I would see my classmates only on reunions and leave the rest to the imagination. Now I learn what they have for breakfast. Thanks Facebook!
I am 113 years young and I am stubborn. Once I’ve made up my mind, it’s like trying to move a mountain with a feather duster. Want me to try a new hobby? Forget about it. I’ve been knitting and baking since before the pandemic was just a twinkle in Mother Nature’s eye. Think you’re gonna come over and watch the game? Not a chance — we’re watching “Murder, She Wrote” on repeat. Want me to change my mind about the annual family potluck? Nope. I’ve been bringing the same legendary fruitcake for generations, and it’s here to stay, whether you’re gluten free or not.
So, cheers to being 113 years young and embracing my inner child. Life may be filled with forgetfulness, selective hearing, and stubbornness, but it’s also filled with laughter, joy, and a spirit that’s forever young.
Please like, comment, and share with someone who would find this funny. I am also not 113 years old and today is not my birthday- the backstory is someone mentioned “years young” and I thought it was funny hahah. But I do think youngness is a state of mind. I can’t say for certain but I would guess most people don’t feel old.