Happy birthday to me.
As I celebrate my 113th trip around the sun, let me reassure you, age is just a number.
Us old people are younger than you think!
I am 113 years young and I love napping. Oh, glorious, get-me-out-of-situations napping! I’ve mastered the art of sneaking in a siesta before and after every meal. Put me in a situation I don’t want to be in, and I’m out faster than a neon light at a rundown bar. You better leave me be, or you’ll witness my volcanic rage equal to a thousand toddlers being denied their mom’s iPad. Before I go, I’ve been contemplating making “Nap Time” a national holiday, and I’m sure I’ll have millions of supporters. Particularly the office folk.
I am 113 years young and I have selective hearing. What? Did you say something? Come again? I have an innate ability to strategically tune out the less exciting stuff in life. Take my medicine? Eat my vegetables? Call my family? Yuck! What did you say? … I lost my hearing years ago. Well, at least, between you and me, that’s what everyone thinks. My secret is, I’m just a pro at filtering out the mundane and a damn good actor. If you want to get my attention, you’ll have to bribe me with a plate of warm, gooey chocolate chip cookies, and offer up Matlock on Blue Ray — then we’ll have a deal!
I am 113 years young, and boy, do I misplace things. Now, where in the wide world of walking canes is the damn clicker? And don’t even get me started on my keys… jingly bastards. Even my dentures join in on the vanishing act. And it’s not just the small stuff. Oh no, I’ve misplaced entire conversations! (Selective hearing rears its ugly head yet again!) My brain likes to play hide-and-seek with my memories sometimes, and it’s like trying to catch soap bubbles with a butterfly net.
I am 113 years old and I’m fascinated by technology. One moment, I’m scrolling through social media, wishing my son-in-law’s high school friend, whom I never met a happy birthday. The next I’m wondering if my smartphone is possessed. I said something out loud, and it magically appears on my phone. Did I accidentally summon a ghost? Technology is great. Before, I would see my classmates only on reunions and leave the rest to the imagination. Now I learn what they have for breakfast. Thanks Facebook!
I am 113 years young and I am stubborn. Once I’ve made up my mind, it’s like trying to move a mountain with a feather duster. Want me to try a new hobby? Forget about it. I’ve been knitting and baking since before the pandemic was just a twinkle in Mother Nature’s eye. Think you’re gonna come over and watch the game? Not a chance — we’re watching “Murder, She Wrote” on repeat. Want me to change my mind about the annual family potluck? Nope. I’ve been bringing the same legendary fruitcake for generations, and it’s here to stay, whether you’re gluten free or not.
So, cheers to being 113 years young and embracing my inner child. Life may be filled with forgetfulness, selective hearing, and stubbornness, but it’s also filled with laughter, joy, and a spirit that’s forever young.
Please like, comment, and share with someone who would find this funny. I am also not 113 years old and today is not my birthday- the backstory is someone mentioned “years young” and I thought it was funny hahah. But I do think youngness is a state of mind. I can’t say for certain but I would guess most people don’t feel old.
A very happy birthday to you
Hahah thank you!
You’re welcome
I look forward to the day it’s socially acceptable to fall asleep during boring conversations.
It’s never to early to start a new tradition
Aren’t you supposed to be writing things down for Bilbo? 🙂
Happy birthday!
Gah, not for Bilbo, for Frodo.
Old age, you know.
Touché
Hahah one of those hobbits
I love that new picture of your grandson and his floozie!
Hahaha well played
a very happy birthday to you.
best wishes your way 🎉🤍
Thanks! It’s not really my birthday but I appreciate it non the less
Oops… I reread… to see if I missed something 🤭🤣
… and I read you aren’t really 113….a wonderful write.
non the less… you welcome 😁
Happiest birthday ,Have a great day and year ahead 🙏🙌
Thanks!
Huh really?
No lmao I’m not really 113 – it’s just satire. I heard someone say years young and it just inspires this piece. This is 200% made up
Happy Birthday! I love this post so much, I’m going to print it and hang it on my wall to encourage me as I create a new life for myself. ♥️
Thank you! It’s not really my birthday and I’m in my 30’s but still -the message is sound!
I figured as much, but know this- Happy Birthday anyway, because I’m grateful for you!
Ha I am grateful for YOU! Thank you
Ha! I dictated a conversation with my wife and the whole damn thing appeared as a text to my daughter, which fortunately I caught before it was sent. Technology schmecknology will be the death of me someday. I may request that my Macbook Pro, my iPad and my iPhone be cremated along with my well-used and worn out body and mind. Meanwhile the earth does not orbit around the sun but that’s another story for another time as it has to do with the mass of the universe.
hahah agreed – Technology schmecknology – and that’s interesting about the orbit – I will have to look into that – thanks for reading hope you have a great weekend!
Ya had me at nap.
I’m gonna start giving out pillows with every post
Hahahah “the nap time”… One of the essential rights of human being violated. I’m happy for you sir though… I am really looking forward having that especially when it is raining… 🥰
Nap time – best time of the day – the prefect restart
Yes I definitely agree to that. Cheers 😍
A very merry unbirthday to you. The restaurant I work at gets a ton of old people. They are stubborn. As the banquet coordinator, I have helped quite a few people celebrate their 100th birthday (I also have helped their families plan their wake as well, but then I do their grandchild’s baby shower, and it is all the circle of life).
Hakuna Matata my friend! Circle of life indeed hahah
I was wondering 113 years…really 🤣🤣. It’s a good one though!
So happy you enjoyed!
Haha! Love this. I do feel that one should always embrace the perks that come with age with your inner child mindset. Well written, thanks!
So glad you enjoyed this! It’s always good to keep your inner child alive IMO
You have an inner child, I have an inner grumpy ol’ b*stard, but they think along the same lines. 🙂
Hahah well I have an inner bipolar – grumpy old man mixed with an inner child. … takes all kinds!
Happy belated birthday 🎈🎈 Robert! I hope you already own a walking stick, if not, then may you live long to own one.
Thank you my friend – I’m hoping I live king enough to have 2 walking sticks
Yes I did read the whole thing and some comments, so I know you are not 113 but in your 30s, and its not really your birthday, though you didn’t say when that was. I like your satire humor, and will visit now and then, but some of your language is a bit harsh on my tender young (78, really!) ears. And I’m still resisiting naps, except on Sundays. It’s a sign of babies or old people. haha.
Thank you for reading my friend! I love satire and comments like this make me want to keep writing!
Selective hearing…Love the article
So happy you did!
Nice
Happy birthday
Beautiful and funny post
Thank you so much!
Increase your life year with THE GOD’S. GRACE
Indeed!
And I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I think you’re right … age might be a number, but our attitude towards it comes from our state of mind. I was laughing at some of your examples too though … when I think about what we’re dealing with regarding my mother-in-law, she definitely has selective hearing and memory 😁
Thank you my friend! So happy you enjoyed! Wishing you the best from across the pond
🥰
This is a really good writing. I enjoyed to read through. Thanks for this joyful morning 🙂
Thank you so for reading!
Nap Day an official celebration is a must Sir. Loved it and smiled throughout reading it.🌻
So glad you did!
🎂🍫🌹😄
🎂🍫🌹😄😂👌👏🏼
Happy 113th trip around the sun! 🌞
Age really is just a number, and you’ve mastered the art of napping like a pro!
😴 Nap Time as a national holiday sounds like a brilliant idea! Count me in as a supporter.
🙌 Keep on embracing your selective hearing, misplacing things, and being fascinated by technology.
You’re an inspiration! 🎉🎂
I do it just for you!
This is so wholesome haha! I love it
Happy birthday age is just a number your blogg is great
Thank you so much! Thanks for reading !
Happy not 113th! I’m watching murder she writes well though!
Gracias my friend! I’ll save you birthday cake whenever it’s my birthday