Tourist photos.
I always love to see them when someone is on vacation.
Not because I’m happy for them.
Which, by the way, isn’t always true.
But selfishly, I love what vacations do to people. Because the second an American touches down in “the old country” — which, ironically, is usually also a “new country” to them — they instantly decide life is better across the pond.
You’ll see the captions:
“The food…”
“The culture…”
“The way people live…”
And act like you couldn’t possibly understand the concept of overpaying for bread with olive oil.
They wave you off.
“You really just had to be there.”
“…I bet.”
“No, no… these people… these people walk around. They sit on benches. They discuss things.”
“Like people at a park?”
She scoffs.
“Not even close.”
My friend Janice recently went to Italy and sent me nineteen photos of the same fountain.
Nineteen.
And suddenly she’s fascinated by completely ordinary human experiences.
A basket of bread.
A glass of wine.
An old man sitting silently outside a café like he lost an argument with his wife and is afraid to come home.
And now she’s enlightened.
One meatball later and suddenly she’s qualified to discuss “the European relationship with time.”
And don’t get me wrong, I believe in stopping & smelling the roses. But what always gets me about tourist photos is the sudden depth of the captions.
Every caption suddenly sounds like the final line of a philosophy book written by someone wearing a scarf indoors.
“These people… they know how to live.”
Do they?
Because from having family in Europe, I can assure everyone reading this that most Europeans spend their day smoking cigarettes while quietly resenting tourists.
Which, by the way, is also what Americans do.
New York built a sparkling personality around it.
That’s what vacations really are though — temporary fascination with ordinary life.
The fact that human beings all basically do the exact same things everywhere on Earth — eat bread, complain, stand in lines, avoid eye contact — yet the second it happens in another country, suddenly it becomes magical.
And honestly, the idea becomes even funnier in reverse.
Because I would love to see Europeans romanticize America the way Americans romanticize Europe.
I imagine someone sharing a photo of a Walmart.
One woman dropped a gallon of milk in aisle seven.
A toddler is crying, fully red-faced, like he was just told they weren’t buying the toy.
A guy in basketball shorts is arguing with the self-checkout machine like it can talk back.
And in the background, a YouTuber is trying to become famous by climbing into a ball pit display while his friend films horizontally for some reason.
The caption:
“They really know how to live.”
Or a close-up photo of a McDonald’s cheeseburger.
The bag has no napkins.
There’s a wet floor sign blurred in the background.
The soda machine is making noises normally associated with hospital equipment.
And one employee is lightly hitting the side of it.
The caption:
“The fast life.”
And finally, there’s a Waffle House.
It’s 2 a.m., and it’s filled to the brim with truckers & drunks.
Nearby, a waitress named Amber is gripping a cigarette in one hand and holding her pen like a knife in the other. She has a look on her face that has seen the worst of humanity, and to be fair, she has.
Behind her at the countertop, someone is arguing with the cook about hash browns, and the dishwasher looks like he wants to drown himself.
And in the distance, a fight is slowly forming as four people stand, fists formed.
Yet not everyone is concerned.
In fact, one guy keeps eating.
The caption:
“Peace is a mindset.”
Now that’s a vacation.
Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think!
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Thanks for the images of ordinary American life as seen through European tourists. I had a Japanese student for a month who found our shopping carts extraordinary: “So big!”
Hahah that’s such a specific thing to notice! Appreciate you reading my friend!
This is hilarious, I chuckled at the irony and the fact that I lived in Europe for a while helps. It’s so true the way Americans romanticize it, and while that’s fun, I can tell you by year two I just wanted a hamburger from McDonald’s:)
Nothing like a cheeseburger from McDonald’s! I appreciate you reading!
When I used to work in a hotel several years ago, guests would say things like “South America is so alive, so many colorful houses and people talking to each other, to strangers, even when buying bread”. That always got me a bit, thinking it was a funny thing to say, I agree that we are like that, but this happens everywhere too I guess. I think when people take a break from their routine they just observe the usual, the slow and boring parts of daily life and get a different sense of it when there’s no hurry. It is funny though when some of these observations seem so out of their normal train of thoughts and Instagram posts. The way you described the Wallmart scene is so vivid, and the wearing a scarf indoors writer part took me out!
So happy you enjoyed! Thank you for reading!
Your blogs having been really great lately. “That’s what vacations really are though — temporary fascination with ordinary life.” For for me lately, your blogs have been like that. Temporary fascination with how someone else sees the world. Awesome stuff. Instead of a picture, I make note of a quote!
(Here’s a favorite of mine from the other day, “ I want a ruler swollen with sodium and savagery. I want a man with gout. I want a man after whom I’d be afraid to use the bathroom.”)
Thanks so much! I appreciate it’ personally I’m focusing on writing things that I find funny and interesting and trying to remain true to that.
But your comment made my day so thank you!!
It’s not just American; it’s a very human tendency. Grass always seems greener on the other side.
So true, so damn true
🤣 Wise points and liked the caption, couldn’t agree more.
How funny!
Thank you so much my friend
Never seen vacations through this lens..they wont be the same now that i have read this 😛
Hahah so happy you enjoyed! Appreciate you reading
This post is both deep and deeply funny. I could imagine Robert Stack’s voice narrating this piece.
Hahah thank you so much! Puts a new twist on it forsure!
I think it’s human nature to think that things will be better somewhere else. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing write-up
Totally agree – the whole grass is greener
I love the definition of vacations as temporary fascination with ordinary life- funny but also true!
Thank you so much! I always think the truth is what’s funny. And I appreciate you reading my friend!
It’s funny because many Europeans do the exact same thing with America. We romanticize the lifestyle, the cities, the diners, the roads… sometimes even the ordinary.
Recently, I realized I knew more about other places than my own city, so I decided to become a tourist where I live and look at it with fresh eyes.
Maybe that’s what travel really changes: not the place itself, but the way we choose to see things.
That actually sounds so so fun, what a great idea
You eviscerated the whole egoism of travel. How are people supposed to boast now? 🙂 I once knew a French teacher who thought she was a card-carrying Parisen since she took kiddos to France in the summer. Oy.
I love the card-carrying angle – I could see that!
Incredibly funny and thought provoking at the sometime 🙂 I think the fascination with new places comes from many factors, notably among them: you are plucked out of your usual routine. I bet if I am taking a break from my everyday rut, I will find my own house and neighbourhood as fascinating as any fancy foreign destination.
I reckon you’re right!!
Hi I love storytelling. Nice one and never stop
Thank you so much! Made my day!