I once called my old boss a canker sore.
You know, that annoying little white sore in your mouth that makes eating feel like a punishment?
That was my boss, in human form.
The man had a supernatural ability to take simple tasks — things a middle schooler could probably handle — and make them needlessly complicated, like vacuuming your house blindfolded.
For example, let’s say we needed to send our coworkers a message about a training session. Easy, right? Just fire off an email and the job’s done.
Not so fast…
For my boss, this was the corporate equivalent of scaling Mount Everest without oxygen and would cause his mind to break into a frenzy.
Should we send an email?
A text?
Maybe a video?
Should the video have music?
After agonizing over delivery for way too long (and killing the video idea), we’d spend hours wordsmithing the message. Then we’d dive into font selection. Then font size. Then formatting. And on and on and on.
By the end of it all, I wanted to rip my own face off, and based on a few lingering scars, I’m pretty sure I did.
To say the least, I hated my job. I hated my boss. And honestly, I kind of hated myself for putting up with it.
The thing is, I was so inside my head, that I had completely overlooked the solution to my problem that was also in my head, just waiting to be found.
Reframing my emotions.
Why You Do the Things You Do
Have you ever asked yourself why you actually do the things you do?
Not the autopilot stuff like brushing your teeth or taking out the trash. I mean the things that make you, you.
For example, I’m a writer. And every week, someone usually asks me, “ How do you write so much?”
The answer?
I like it. That’s it.
You do the things you like to do. I do the things I like to do, and we all collectively do the things we like to do.
That’s how life works.
And unless someone’s holding us hostage with our responsibilities, we’re all just out here chasing the dopamine hit of doing things we enjoy.
That’s the secret to success, by the way.
You’re more likely to have success when you’re doing something you actually enjoy.
So if you can tell yourself you like the activity, half the battle is already won.
The Reframe
So, what do you do when you don’t like the thing you’re supposed to be doing?
It’s easy, you reframe it.
Take working out, for example. Let’s say you want to get in shape, but the thought of going to the gym makes you want to stick your hand in a bag of chips while your mind dreads how hard it’s going to be.
Fine.
Don’t think of it as “working out.” Call it adult recess. Pretend it’s gym class, but without that one kid who always smelled like cheese.
It sounds stupid, but it works.
Because the minute you make something even slightly more enjoyable, you’re more likely to stick with it.
Or let’s say you’ve got a boss who’s a human canker sore. (I know the type.)
Reframe your work.
Make it a game.
Trick your brain into thinking it’s fun.
When I worked in outside sales, I had to talk to 30 people a day just to hear 28 of them say “no” so I could find 2 or 3 who’d say “yes.”
Do you know how depressing that is?
So, I turned it into a giant game of hide-and-seek. Every “no” was just another step closer to finding the elusive “yes.”
Once I reframed my job as a game, I had success shortly after.
Reframe Everything
Even relationships can benefit from reframing.
Look, it’s normal to get annoyed with your spouse or your friends from time to time. Sometimes, the people we love the most in the world will make you want to climb a very large and very remote mountain just for the peace and quiet.
But reframing helps.
- Today is an adventure, and I get to share it with someone I love.
- We’ve been together long enough to experience things most people don’t. That’s pretty cool.
- Okay, maybe I’m annoyed right now, but this is still someone who makes my life better.
Everything in life is how you look at it and how you emotionally respond to it.
Never forget that.
Full Circle
When I had to deal with my canker sore of a boss, reframing was my survival strategy.
I forced myself to think of 2–3 things I liked about him. I reframed my work as a game. I focused on the parts of the job I enjoyed and tried to ignore the rest.
And anytime he would do something that made my blood boil, I just kept reframing it.
“This is pretty annoying; maybe I can write about it.”
And well… here you go.
Did I eventually quit? Hell yes.
But while I was still there, reframing helped. It taught me how to stop letting my negative emotions run the show.
Did I screw up and lose my frame from time to time?
Of course.
I did, and you likely will too.
We’re human, after all.
But every time you reframe something you hate into something you can tolerate — or maybe even enjoy — you’re building a skill that will change your life.
The truth is, life is a movie, and you’re the director. So do yourself a favor and give yourself a movie worth watching.
And if you’re lucky, you’ll get to enjoy the popcorn along the way, too.
Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think. Do you agree?
Sigh up for my email list here! (4) Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack
Great point. Attitude is everything!
110% can relate, I bite my tongue everytime my supervisor calls. Never can call to see if we need anything or just to check in. He always calls with some sort of complaint or criticism.
I wish I could reframe the woman who called my dear wife a bitch for not bringing her drink fast enough (I made it too slow for her patience) but I’m really happy I’ve been able to working together with her for thirty years (my wife, not the loser). I wish I could reframe the girl who told me shift change is difficult but you shouldn’t take it out on your customers (she turned out to be a hooker, and it’s a great story I’ll write down someday) and I wish I could reframe the dickhead who insisted his son was 21 and could sit at the bar even though he looked sixteen and didn’t have ID, but then I remembered we don’t have to take work home with us and we have a great life in a beautiful home and we love each other and the rest of them can all go suck on their miserable lives.
Le sigh. It’s been a long couple of weeks. But I liked your post.🤪
I tell you what, you’ve got some great writing material right there – I’d love to read it!
Thank you for this hilarious and relatable morning read! I spent several years working for a “canker sore” in the software industry, and walking away was surprisingly easy. Like you, I learned a valuable life lesson about the power of attitude during that time.
It’s crazy bad bosses teach us the most
You made me laugh so much!
Made me smile and we have to remember in the grand theme/scheme of things, people who get on our pip have to be applauded for the entertainment factor. 😂
I agree
Nice post 🌅🌅
I smiled, I’m a firm believer of the “re-framing.” Sometimes I have to re-frame multiple times in one day, depending on what has to get done.
I’m the same way, thank you so much for reading!
dude this was so intellectually hilarious… bravo.
Thanks so much man! Appreciate you reading
Awesome and so true… I “reframe” things all the time….
It’s what we gotta do!
I agree. I love the idea of using those undesirable experiences as kernels of inspiration (pardon the popcorn pun). It’s like when I treat myself to an audiobook when I go for a walk in the snow, even though my toes, fingers, and nose are freezing.
Good alternatives. Sometimes life is like a vacuum cleaner, sometimes it sucks and other times it blows.
lmao – wise words my friend!
I’d turn the Reframe Game into a drinking game: Boss got mad cuz you I didn’t guess how many pieces of lint were in his pocket, I take a shot!
This is the kind of wisdom that needs to go on an inspirational mug
This is such a profound post, Anthony. It’s always doing what you love that eventually pays off. Reframing works if you don’t like it, but essentially, it’s all you have to do.
Your blog is better than going to a therapist!
Cheaper too! Haha – thank you so much – made my day
Great energy…breaks the drivel, and, oh, static!
Thankyou 🤩 I like the movie idea because it’s true
Interesting, and true – especially the relationship one, which I try to bear in mind when the man is getting seriously on my nerves, lol. Thanks for posting. 🙂
Thank you for reading!
Glad you can relate – I feel the same way too with my fiance sometimes
Great Article!
Abusive and insensitive people are bad luck. Oft, I try to avoid them at all cost. They can lower one’s self esteem and courage. I’ve always found reframing a bit tough for me, but I guess I will try. 🙏
It’s one thingwe can do!
Sure we can. Many thanks for sharing, bud. 😊
I have sooo been there! Ha! I used to mentally say to my boss, “Thank you for helping me make a better choice”!
Yeah hahah that’s not a bad way to reframe it at all
He sounds like my ex! Exactly why we are not together, he loved making everything difficult, well that and much much more!
Oh boy! Happy you’re out of it
I read this post and now I also hate that human canker sore whom I never met! 😂🤝
I am trying to adopt a similar mindset. Kudos.
Reframing is such a powerful tool for shifting our perspectives and making life more enjoyable. Your examples, especially the ‘adult recess’ one, had me laughing 🤣
Loved this.
Totally true
Thank you so much!
Wonderful ♥️
I do this with reading the news (rather than lamenting about the state of the world, I make it a game of sorts to see if I can find stupid news stories to make fun of), but I haven’t thought to try this with other stressors. Good idea!
Absolutely correct, life has shown this to be absolutely true without doubt…the next step is realizing when there is something you need to reframe and apply this principle in realtime.
Absolutely!!
Love this! It is great…and very true.
Thank you so much glad uoi enjoiex
Nice one
Thank you!!