The signs were there.
The over-the-top enthusiasm. The unnervingly wide smile. The energy level that suggested either a deep passion for hospitality or an espresso IV drip.
You told yourself it would be fine…
When you notice there are more phones on tables than forks in hands.
When you notice the diners are more committed to capturing their meals and less committed to consuming them.
When you notice the plates were small, yet the prices were high.
And when your waitress appeared — beaming, borderline vibrating — you had the choice but still didn’t leave.
“WELCOME TO NIGHT-DARK! ARE YOU FEELING HUNGRY TODAY?”
You flinch. It’s not quite yelling, but it’s yelling.
Your fiancé stiffens next to you. Around the room, other diners whisper over their artisanal cocktails, but your waitress is carrying 90% of the restaurant’s decibel level on her own.
“…Uh, can we see some menus?”
“SURE THING!”
The menus drop. She hovers, grinning like she’s been waiting for this moment her entire life.
“ANYTHING TO DRINK?”
“A couple waters,” you say.
Her smile twitches. The momentary flicker of disappointment in her eyes tells you she knows her tip just went down. She scurries off, and you turn to your fiancé.
“Is it just me, or is she… a lot?”
“Who cares? Just enjoy the moment.”
You try. You really do.
But then, she returns.
Not just with two waters — a tray of waters. A full, polished serving tray, just for your sad little tap waters. You glance around. No one else has a tray.
The influencers pause mid-photo. Their brows furrow. Something is off.
“So what’s it gonna be?” the waitress chirps.
You glance at your fiancé, who makes the mistake of asking a fatal question:
“What’s good here?”
The waitress’s face explodes with delight, like someone just shot a firework up her ass.
“EVERYTHING IS GOOD, BUT OUR STEAK IS THE BEST!”
Disappointment loves reassurance.
You internally groan. Of course. The most expensive item. The upsell was inevitable.
Your fiancé nods, convinced. Steak it is. You order salmon.
“THESE ARE GONNA BE SO YUMMY!” she exclaims.
Yummy.
The word lingers in the air, haunting you.
A five-year-old eating a Go-Gurt? That’s yummy. A $90 steak? That better damn well be life-changing.
But the madness isn’t over.
Because when the steak arrives, it’s not alone.
A parade follows. A full conga line of clapping employees. Busboys are dragged from their dishes. Hosts abandon their stand. They clap, twirl, and sing — all because your fiancé ordered a steak.
You want to disappear into your seat, but it’s too late. The cult-like celebration is happening.
Right now.
Your fiancé, now equally horrified, meets your eyes. You’re both finally in on the ruse.
This waitress… is a lot.
You eat your dinner in silence, regretting your choices.
Eventually, you track down your waitress.
“What was that about?”
She sighs, suddenly dropping the act.
“Just this stupid sh*t my job makes us do.”
For the first time all night, you truly understand her.
She hates her job just like you hate yours.
And in that moment, you bond — two souls trapped in a place you’d both rather leave.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think!
Never miss an article: Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack
Very amusing post Anthony!😂 I sure it was quite an experience for you both. I’ve witnessed such a display before in a restaurant and I think it’s rather ridiculous, not only for the customer but also for the service staff. Thank you for sharing 😊🙏
Thank you for reading!!
Great ending!
Thank you so much!
Be honest. If she showed you the curmudgeon she really felt, you probably would have given her a lower tip. *Sigh* The things we do for a living wage.
Ha it’s the humanity that unites us! Also this is fiction
Lol, I love the comment from the waitress at the end. Great twist in the story and a valuable lesson: she might think this is all is just as extra as you do but she needs to pay bills and her behavior didn’t reflect her truly as a person–so think twice before deciding to hate on your upbeat hospitality worker.
When your waitress is one espresso shot away from turning dinner into a Broadway musical— bravo for surviving the steak parade!
Hahah yes! Thank you
“A parade follows. A full conga line of clapping employees. Busboys are dragged from their dishes. Hosts abandon their stand. They all clap—because your fiancé ordered a steak.”
I sank deep into my chair reading this, almost wanting to disappear.
Also I never thought disappointment and reassurance would go so well hand in hand. I have so much to explore now writing wise based on this !
Interesting and amusing post as usual ✨👏🏻
Thanks so much! I love the disappoint loves reassurance -opposites attract!
Having been some version of nearly my entire adult life, I can relate. Some days it is so hard just to be accommodating, overcompensation is the only way to get through it! This was a really fun read1
Thank you so much for reading!!
You enter the restaurant—symbolic of life’s expectations, ja? But instead of nourishment, you find performance, artifice. The waitress, so exaggerated, so too much—perhaps a manifestation of your own discomfort with social pressure, ja? She is the id, unfiltered, demanding validation through tips, approval, applause. You? You resist, but you stay—trapped by obligation, by expectation, by the fear of making a scene. Und your fiancé? The voice of complacency, of societal norm, urging you to ‘just enjoy.’ But you see through it. In the end, when the waitress drops her mask, you feel relief—because authenticity, even weary and cynical, is more satisfying than the ‘yummy’ illusion. Dining on modern alienation, ja? A struggle for real connection in a world obsessed with spectacle. Very telling.
Thank you for reading my friend! Loved reading this comment
What a great way to explain these feelings. You had me enjoying it the whole time. It was like I was sitting at a table watching all this. Great job Tony!!!
Thank you so much for reading my friend. So happy you enjoyed!
Haha! The work waitresses and waiters have to put in just to get some semblance of a decent tip nowadays is mind-blowing.
This made me laugh. Thank you for that. 🤣😆😂
So happy it did! I did my fair share of asskissing when I was a waiter too!
Another great post, Tony. What is it with these restaurants that make their staff do this? Much better to let them be themselves. We have honest and genuine conversations at our regular restaurants, and we tip because we appreciate that. It isn’t just our regular places though. We once went for lunch in a busy restaurant in London before going to the opera, and we mentioned that to the waiter. Two weeks later we went back again – and he asked us if we’d enjoyed the opera. He might have remembered us for the tip, but he must have served hundreds of people since he’d seen us last. No artifice but a good memory and a genuine manner do the job, for me. 🙂
That’s so nice when people remember the little moments! I would love to eat in London!
I hope you will, one day. 🙂
Oh dear, am I the only one who likes it when staff come out singing and clapping? Joking. I hope the food was good.
Good -doesn’t beat home cooking though! Thank you for reading
“A five year old eating a go-gurt. That’s yummy.” That made me truly lol. thanks.
Thank you so much!! Made me laugh too
I enjoyed this a lot. Loved the ending!
Thank you so much h!
The thing that makes me cring is the repetition of “perfect.”
“I’ll have the pasta.”
“PERFECT!”
“Can I have another glass of wine?
“PERFECT!”
“Where is the washroom?”
“PERFEC—Um, what was that?”
Hahah that’s such a good observation
As a waitress and a writer, I feel this. I so feel this! Do you know how many times I just want to be like, “What the hell do you want to eat? I am tired. I don’t feel like entertaining today…” But that tip money makes me act otherwise. Thank you for sharing!
p.s. Waiting tables also makes for good real-life storytelling. Like the guy that almost threw his steak sandwich at me because “he doesn’t eat red meat.” Well, bruh, what did you think a STEAK sandwich was gonna consist of?!
You should deff write that story! I was a waiter too – some of my favorite memories came from that
You are awesome, You got 11504 subscriptions. Teach me, Teach me ,Teach me, How?
Write what moves you. Interact with other writers, be consistent
The story of Startups moved me so much that I post as much as I can every day. Can I get everyone’s love this way? Still confused now. Haha..
What a delightful read, cleverly descriptive without going overboard. Also, makes me glad again that my restaurant days are over.
Thank you so much!
“the influencer pause mid-photo” – that’s my favorite part.
Thanks so much! Appreciate you reading
Here in India most restaurants have music playing in the background which is so annoying. When all you need is a peaceful and quiet meal.
Ahh I feel your pain