“Why didn’t you CC me?”

Five little words that made my entire body tense up like I’d just been plunged into cold water.

I was early in my career, working as a performance specialist, and I had one of those bosses — the kind who doesn’t just stay at the office but somehow follows you home, like a ghost from a graveyard.

Let’s just call him, The Jackass.

The Jackass is that type of boss who treats minor mistakes like major war crimes.

For example, let’s say The Jackass asks you to reply to an email for him. Ten minutes later, you get another email from him: “Why didn’t you answer it like this?”

Nail a presentation? No “Great job!” Just a smug, “You should’ve mentioned X, Y, and Z,” even though your presentation achieved the desired result.

And heaven forbid you forgot to CC him on an email. Forget miscommunication — this was treason.

In short, The Jackass is someone who treats your success as an inconvenience because now they have nothing to criticize

So when I got that dreaded “Why didn’t you CC me?” email, I panicked. My heart raced, my palms got sweaty, and I tore through my inbox like a raccoon in a trash can.

Sure enough — I’d forgotten to CC him.

Instead of calmly replying, “Oops, sorry about that. I’ll include you next time,” I spiraled.

My body reacted like I was on Survivor, about to be voted off the island.

Looking back, I smile because I now see the real issue. I wasn’t just working a stressful job. I was in a situationship with my job — an exhausting, one-sided dynamic fueled by anxiety and obligation.

Instead, I should have been in a relationship.

Situationships vs. Relationships

In every part of life, you’re either in a situationship or a relationship.

A situationship is any connection — work, love, family, or self — where the vibe is fear, insecurity, or obligation instead of trust, respect, and value.

It’s like dating. It’s that awkward middle ground between “We’re a thing” and “I’m just someone who texts you when I’m bored.” But situationships aren’t just for love — they sneak into your job, your friendships, and even the way you treat yourself.

That’s what I had with The Jackass. He wasn’t a control freak because he loved order — he was terrified of looking bad. And that fear poisoned everything.

You see, Situationships thrive on insecurity, and insecurity is about as motivating as a meeting with a divorce lawyer.

A relationship, on the other hand, is what makes life feel meaningful.

 It’s connections built on trust, respect, and care. It’s why you can have a demanding boss and still like working for them — they challenge you without making you feel like garbage. And when you make a mistake, they remind you, “Hey, I’m human too, just try to be more mindful.”

The thing is, situationships and relationships are on a spectrum, and both can shift.

A healthy relationship can decay into a situationship. And sometimes, a toxic situationship can — with enough work — turn into something meaningful. But it’s on you to make that happen.

The key is to realize where you’re at in your connections with other people.

Spotting the Difference

So how do you know which one you’re stuck in?

At work:

• Situationship: The boss who micromanages because they’re terrified of looking bad. The coworker who’s only friendly when they need something. The manager who tosses you under the bus the second things go sideways.
• Relationship: The colleague who jumps in when you’re overwhelmed. The boss who gives you clear feedback but still has your back. The manager who quietly pulls you aside and says, “Hey, you crushed that.”

At home:

• Situationship: The friend who tracks every favor like they’re keeping score. The brother who only calls when his car breaks down. The partner who turns every argument into a three-act play about how you’re always wrong.

• Relationship: The friend who shows up when you’re a mess. The partner who laughs with you at your dumb mistakes. The person who assumes the best of you — even when you screw up.

And most importantly… with yourself:

• Situationship: Every time you skip the gym, have one too many beers or blow off your goals, you punish yourself like you’re auditioning for a role in The Da Vinci Code. It’s not accountability — it’s self-loathing.

• Relationship: You own your mistakes, but you also cut yourself some slack. It’s saying, “Yeah, I screwed up — but I’m still worth the effort.” You’re kind to yourself yet still want the best for yourself.

That last one? That’s the foundation for success in life. A good relationship with yourself is the fertilizer that grows a healthy life.

How to Be Happier (and Less Stressed)

Perhaps the easiest way to be happier in your life is to take an inventory of all your relationships.

Step one is simple: Figure out where you’re stuck in a situationship.

If your boss loses his mind over something trivial? Don’t waste your energy trying to change him. Just mentally note: Oh, okay — this is a situationship. Then stop giving it more emotional rent than it deserves.

Step two:

Invest your mental energy where the relationships are. Spend more time with the people (and parts of life) that energize you.

You can’t always fire your boss or cut off a toxic relative, but you can decide how much of your time, focus, and sanity they get.

The simple act of figuring out if you’re in a situationship or a relationship, will give you the mental clarity and a compass of where to focus on.

Step three:

If you want to turn a situationship into a relationship? Start small. Set boundaries. Speak up. Push back. And try to build a relationship with all your actions. Treat them like they were your friend.

 If that doesn’t work? Minimize their airtime in your life.

Full Circle

Situationships are like emotional black holes — they suck you in, drain you dry, and leave you questioning your life choices. They are the gray moments of life.

Relationships, on the other hand, are where the magic happens. They build you up, give you energy, and make you feel like you’re part of something bigger. This is life in technicolor.

The bottom line:

If you want to be happier and more productive, spend less time in situationships and more time in relationships. It’s how you see the world in living color.

Feeling stuck at work? Book a call with Jason. jason@focustoevolve.com He offers holistic training and productivity strategies — endorsed by Navy SEALs, CEOs, and Fortune 500 companies alike. (Want to see my endorsement video? It’s here: Testimonials — Focus to Evolve)

Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think! Have you seen this in your life? 

Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack