The Gym Is Not A Colosseum

The King of the jungle doesn’t have time for you. He doesn’t have time for me…

You and I, we have something in common. We know the same guy. The weight room guy. Hell, the world knows the weight room guy thanks to social media. What up #FitFam I see you! In a past life I’ve even been the weight room guy and dropped a 45 pound plate on my foot. I didn’t even flinch. Not an inch.

Sometimes when the wind blows I can almost hear the grunts, taste the testosterone, see the sweat and feel the burn. Almost…. if only this couch wasn’t holding me back, but I digress.

For those that aren’t hip to the times, the weight room guy has taken on the unholy crusade to motivate his 217 followers to not only hit the gym, but hit the gym and rip out it’s fucking throat. He or she persuades us to fight the good fight and concur the fat, blubbering, bastard-monster; aptly named obesity. He is training us to show obesity no mercy; none, none at all damn it! The weight room guy has a gift of making voluntary workouts seem mandatory as if his or her life depended on it.

Through a barrage of posts and status updates we are reminded a few things: 1.) Going to the gym on a Saturday is in fact a noble and certainly instagramable worthy act. 2.) Training legs involves getting run over by a steamroller. 3.) Dedication doesn’t sleep. Evidently, dedication is on speed. Weight room guy constantly informs you of his battle with weights and God bless him. Truth be told, I’m rooting for him.

Before I get to my destination let me throw out this disclaimer, as I don’t want someone to throw a barbell through my laptop.

This article isn’t against fitness, the weight room and wanting to better yourself. Yes, I am in fact a fitness enthusiast and enjoy working out; presumably more than the average bloke. I’m not going to make this a pissing contest. I have friends that make their living off of the weight room and motivating people to stay in shape. I think that’s awesome and I’m happy for them. Some of my friends literally get paid to workout, and that’s the American dream. That and having Eddie Van Halen play your wedding. Goals my friend, goals indeed.

Even if you aren’t my friend and you dedicated your career to fitness I’m happy for you and wish you nothing but success. This article is one of satire and one of fun. It is intended to shed light on what I consider to be a funny trend in the fitness industry. Let’s proceed.

My favorite weight room guy post is the motivational meme, and my very favorite motivational meme is this:

 

Because, you know, a lion not losing sleep over the opinions of sheep somehow directly translates into a struggle with a bench press, and a fistfight with a squat rack.

Dear reader,

I want to ask you two very important questions:

What do lions and sheep have in common? What do lions and fitness have in common?

Wait for it…. Spare me the “They’re both animals, they both have fur etc, etc”

The answer is nothing, absolutely fucking nothing. Notta. Zilch. Zero.

This meme does not apply to the weight room and I’m going to tell you why.

Workouts Are Voluntary.

Weight room guy, give me a fucking break. Spare me the dramatics, I’m not here for the thrills, I wear wrangler jeans. You’re working out, not fighting off a dragon from pulverizing your kingdom. Unless, you’re a solider, public servant, or an athlete, workouts are voluntary. Period. Nobody is holding a gun to your head saying you must workout out. You’re working out because you want to. You spent the past nine hours chained to a desk. You’re not a lion you’re an accountant. Gyms are safe environments, not a battlefield or an African safari. Please do less.

 

There Isn’t Any Chatter Of Sheep Compelling You Not To Lift.

 

There’s always an exception, I’ll get that out of the way but let’s be real with each other. You don’t have sheep, you don’t know people that are expressing their opinion telling you not to lift. You’re not involved in some crusade where people are feverishly trying to sway you from the gym. Nobody is stopping you from going to the weight room. Nobody is telling you it’s a bad idea. In fact, nobody really fucking cares. Never in the course of human history has there been people spreading the idea that working out is a bad. It hasn’t happened. Even Sumos lift. Sumos Bazzle! Sumos! This meme only appeals to the weight room guys status-anxious audience because it reassures them that there are some people that they are in fact, better than.

 

Why Would A Lion Listen To A Sheep Anyways?

 

Why would a lion listen to a sheep anyways? Sheep and lions aren’t on good terms remember? Because, you know, lions eat sheep. They’re not even friends on Facebook and everyone has friends they aren’t friends with on Facebook. When was the last time you have ever seen a sheep call a lion with it’s sheep cell phone and voice it’s opinion? You haven’t. I surely haven’t and I’m not expecting to either! This meme really does display a lack of critical thinking. Why in the fuck would a lion listen to a sheep? Like Why? There you go, having me type like a California girl again.

 

Final Thoughts

Weight room guy, you have a heart of gold and a body of steel, but please for the love of mankind, stop sharing this meme. Your aren’t a lion. Sorry. Who knows? One day you might be able to go full lion on us with some surgery and start wearing sweaters with humans on them. Maybe you’ll ambush some sheep. I don’t know. I’m not a miracle worker. Seriously, you’re going to the gym to workout. You aren’t the only one that has had this idea. It’s not a colosseum it’s a gym. There’s one in every town.

Fitness is great, it’s healthy and it’s helpful but remember, going to the gym is not going to war. Going to a gym is….going to a gym. You pay money to give yourself a voluntary workout. You’re killing the weights and killing me with this stupid meme. I’m typing this from my death bed. You motivated me so much that I’m going to die. Thanks. Have a great lift. Rawr.

Thanks for reading. Please let me know your favorite Internet memes that you love to let drive yourself crazy and why. Comment, share and let me know what you think!

106 thoughts on “The Gym Is Not A Colosseum

  1. “Because, you know, a lion not losing sleep over the opinions of sheep somehow directly translates into a struggle with a bench press, and a fistfight with a squat rack.”

    “Why in the fuck would a lion listen to a sheep? Like Why? There you go, having me type like a California girl again.”

    I shouldn’t read your stuff at work, but I do. Just have to stifle the quite literal LOL that starts to erupt when my humor is tickled.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, actually it’s 5% of your “FOLLOWERS,” not necessarily “readers.” Impressive amount, though. I admire those who can follow thousands and vice versa. I am constantly removing “followers” from my blog…preferring a VERY small group. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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