The Gym Is Not A Colosseum

The King of the jungle doesn’t have time for you. He doesn’t have time for me…

You and I, we have something in common. We know the same guy. The weight room guy. Hell, the world knows the weight room guy thanks to social media. What up #FitFam I see you! In a past life I’ve even been the weight room guy and dropped a 45 pound plate on my foot. I didn’t even flinch. Not an inch.

Sometimes when the wind blows I can almost hear the grunts, taste the testosterone, see the sweat and feel the burn. Almost…. if only this couch wasn’t holding me back, but I digress.

For those that aren’t hip to the times, the weight room guy has taken on the unholy crusade to motivate his 217 followers to not only hit the gym, but hit the gym and rip out it’s fucking throat. He or she persuades us to fight the good fight and concur the fat, blubbering, bastard-monster; aptly named obesity. He is training us to show obesity no mercy; none, none at all damn it! The weight room guy has a gift of making voluntary workouts seem mandatory as if his or her life depended on it.

Through a barrage of posts and status updates we are reminded a few things: 1.) Going to the gym on a Saturday is in fact a noble and certainly instagramable worthy act. 2.) Training legs involves getting run over by a steamroller. 3.) Dedication doesn’t sleep. Evidently, dedication is on speed. Weight room guy constantly informs you of his battle with weights and God bless him. Truth be told, I’m rooting for him.

Before I get to my destination let me throw out this disclaimer, as I don’t want someone to throw a barbell through my laptop.

This article isn’t against fitness, the weight room and wanting to better yourself. Yes, I am in fact a fitness enthusiast and enjoy working out; presumably more than the average bloke. I’m not going to make this a pissing contest. I have friends that make their living off of the weight room and motivating people to stay in shape. I think that’s awesome and I’m happy for them. Some of my friends literally get paid to workout, and that’s the American dream. That and having Eddie Van Halen play your wedding. Goals my friend, goals indeed.

Even if you aren’t my friend and you dedicated your career to fitness I’m happy for you and wish you nothing but success. This article is one of satire and one of fun. It is intended to shed light on what I consider to be a funny trend in the fitness industry. Let’s proceed.

My favorite weight room guy post is the motivational meme, and my very favorite motivational meme is this:

Lion

Because, you know, a lion not losing sleep over the opinions of sheep somehow directly translates into a struggle with a bench press, and a fistfight with a squat rack.

Dear reader,

I want to ask you two very important questions:

What do lions and sheep have in common? What do lions and fitness have in common?

Wait for it…. Spare me the “They’re both animals, they both have fur etc, etc”

The answer is nothing, absolutely fucking nothing. Notta. Zilch. Zero.

This meme does not apply to the weight room and I’m going to tell you why.

Workouts Are Voluntary.

Weight room guy, give me a fucking break. Spare me the dramatics, I’m not here for the thrills, I wear wrangler jeans. You’re working out, not fighting off a dragon from pulverizing your kingdom. Unless, you’re a solider, public servant, or an athlete, workouts are voluntary. Period. Nobody is holding a gun to your head saying you must workout out. You’re working out because you want to. You spent the past nine hours chained to a desk. You’re not a lion you’re an accountant. Gyms are safe environments, not a battlefield or an African safari. Please do less.

 

There Isn’t Any Chatter Of Sheep Compelling You Not To Lift.

 

There’s always an exception, I’ll get that out of the way but let’s be real with each other. You don’t have sheep, you don’t know people that are expressing their opinion telling you not to lift. You’re not involved in some crusade where people are feverishly trying to sway you from the gym. Nobody is stopping you from going to the weight room. Nobody is telling you it’s a bad idea. In fact, nobody really fucking cares. Never in the course of human history has there been people spreading the idea that working out is a bad. It hasn’t happened. Even Sumos lift. Sumos Bazzle! Sumos! This meme only appeals to the weight room guys status-anxious audience because it reassures them that there are some people that they are in fact, better than.

Austin Meme 

Why Would A Lion Listen To A Sheep Anyways?

 

Why would a lion listen to a sheep anyways? Sheep and lions aren’t on good terms remember? Because, you know, lions eat sheep. They’re not even friends on Facebook and everyone has friends they aren’t friends with on Facebook. When was the last time you have ever seen a sheep call a lion with it’s sheep cell phone and voice it’s opinion? You haven’t. I surely haven’t and I’m not expecting to either! This meme really does display a lack of critical thinking. Why in the fuck would a lion listen to a sheep? Like Why? There you go, having me type like a California girl again.

 

Final Thoughts

Weight room guy, you have a heart of gold and a body of steel, but please for the love of mankind, stop sharing this meme. Your aren’t a lion. Sorry. Who knows? One day you might be able to go full lion on us with some surgery and start wearing sweaters with humans on them. Maybe you’ll ambush some sheep. I don’t know. I’m not a miracle worker. Seriously, you’re going to the gym to workout. You aren’t the only one that has had this idea. It’s not a colosseum it’s a gym. There’s one in every town.

Fitness is great, it’s healthy and it’s helpful but remember, going to the gym is not going to war. Going to a gym is….going to a gym. You pay money to give yourself a voluntary workout. You’re killing the weights and killing me with this stupid meme. I’m typing this from my death bed. You motivated me so much that I’m going to die. Thanks. Have a great lift. Rawr.

Thanks for reading. Please let me know your favorite Internet memes that you love to let drive yourself crazy and why. Comment, share and let me know what you think!

83 thoughts on “The Gym Is Not A Colosseum

    1. Hey Bro,

      Do I even lift? Do you even dead lift in your sleep? I’d send you my measurements but i’m too busy curling.

      Glad you enjoy my blog, I’ll see you in the weight room. I wont spot you.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Too funny! I’m a die hard gym goer and this made me laugh. We all know “that” person at the gym and, hell, we sometimes ARE “that” person at the gym. That’s what makes it so funny! If fitness nuts can’t laugh at themselves sometimes, there’s just no hope for them.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Glad you enjoyed it! I’m a gym nut myself and I agree you gotta be able to laugh at yourself. I just think when people get overly passionate about anything you can find humor in it

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Few things I’d like to throw out there:
    1. You referenced that you wear Wranglers…joke? Let’s hope so. Do they even sell those anymore? If so, are the tapered leg? Frankly, I’m worried. You’re my new Oprah, therefore, nevermind I have no more after therefore.
    2. Can we take a minute to give a shout out to Cross-Fit? I was waiting to get to the part where there was a reference, but perhaps another post. I will wait to hear about dead lifting trees and rolling tires and shit for another day.
    3. The Lion and the Sheep thing is odd. Are there sheep in Africa? I thought lions were after Zebras or Gazelles…and maybe a Hyena on a special occasion. OR…and this would be more disturbing, Lion King was a complete massive lie and I’ve been watching it over and over again with my kiddo and have deceived by Disney once again (my prince never came…thanks Snow White). Have I been brainwashed to believe that Lions go after those Zebras and Gazelles, but spared the Warthog and the dancing meerkat because of their entertainment value? I am questioning EVERYTHING right now. Even the mystic monkey guy.
    4. Last point, I promise – taking pictures of yourself at the gym is the equivalent of taking pictures of your food and posting it on Instagram. Yes, I’m happy you’re working out or whatever. Hell, I can appreciate a nice picture of something nicely cooked and pretty. But it wears off. After both of these types of pictures I feel both fat for not working out and hungry because I can’t eat the picture. Feeling Fat + Hungry = No win situation – which then leads to me doing nothing but sinking into my couch further and singing the Lion King song really loud…”HaaaaSabenyaaaaBabaDeeSaaMamaaaaaa!!” <-let me know if you don't get this reference. We may have two things to work on: Wranglers and Lion King Opening Scenes.
    #ImOut #SunsUpGunsUp #BestFoodEver #NoFilter #GrumpyCatismyfaveMeme

    Liked by 3 people

    1. In order 1.) I do not wear wrangler jeans. I did add that out for comedic value. Although I’m not opposed to wrangler jeans and you’re damn right they’ll be tapered . I see what you did there at the end.

      2) cross fit will get its own entire article- it deserves it, I honestly don’t know where to even begin with it.
      3) The word isn’t out yet on the Disney conspiracy. Lions do eat zebras and gazelles. However this meme is about sheep and it is odd…hence the article lol
      4) agreed…and I did get the reference.

      #thegunshow
      #straightflexing
      #wingnighteverynight

      Liked by 1 person

  3. If the damn lion would just get off his butt and eat the sheep, the internet would be free of one more meme that gets overused repeatedly, but alas, he is waiting for the lioness to do the hunting for him. Excellent job! Very entertaining!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “motivate his 217 followers to not only hit the gym, but hit the gym and rip out it’s fucking throat”

    literally laughed the whole time reading your post.

    i’m studying to become a personal trainer and lately i have been more conscious of the “fitfam” so it was a refreshing reminder not to take myself so seriously 🙂

    happy i found your blog – looking forward to more good reads!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Claire,
      Glad you enjoyed the read! I was studying to get my personal training license and then I rediscovered my love for writing so I started to focus on writing more so then personal training. I work in the fitness industry as my day job so I’m exposed to all the trends and I always thought it was funny how serious some people take it. Glad you enjoyed the article, wish you nothing but success with your Personal training.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Lolz. I like my workouts. I like lifting. I like martial arts. I like cycling. I also realize not everyone is into that. I workout because I like it and what I do isn’t what someone else will do. The only thing I proselytize is hitting a punching bag and that’s only to my Kenpo students. I’ve periodically had people ask “Why don’t you bike more?” or “Why don’t you run more?” or “Why don’t you lift more?”

    Mostly because I don’t feel like it.

    Good post. Gyms need to print this out and hang it in the locker room with a little note that reads “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Another funny post! I’m about to become a personal trainer, am certified to teach group fitness, and just left a job as, get this: an accountant! So the “you’re not a lion you’re an accountant” line really made me laugh. Keep these coming please!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I know gym guy. he’s the one that chuckles under his breath when I ask him to spot me and my 165 pound bench press. Gym guy says I need to step it up, get ripped. Gym guy never sees me while I’m running an obstacle course, a marathon or just out in the woods for a good time. Gym guy thinks cardio is is a spanish word…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hate the whole notion of going to the gym. Severe inconvenience. I also hate working out. So I’m glad I have the right equipment in my house to eliminate the excuse, get it done, and carry on with the rest of my day.

    Great post. I enjoy your writing and thanks for following my blog as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No problem man, I’m glad you liked it! I hold the belief that the best exercises you can do for your body are the ones you can do at home! Sounds like we’re on the same page.

      Like

  9. This is what everyone thinks when they go to the gym before they post on snapchat… you know because it’s so much better than posting on instagram and is in no way shape or form finding a way to tell everyone that you are at the gym. #swole
    Diggin’ it dude. Nice work.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. MAGIC. Absolutely right on all counts. Gymbros take themselves WAY. TOO. SERIOUSLY.

    “Sumos Bazzle! Sumos! ” – Thank heavens you included the AP photo, I thought this was a thing The Kids These Days are saying like ‘bizzatch’ or ‘beeyotch’ and almost added it to my Under-Thirty Interaction Vocab List.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. There’s one at every gym, I think. (Do they send them out from Central Casting?) Grunting and groaning, and them dropping the weights with a crash and a clatter. The Squire and I work out – quietly – on the machines and the cardio equipment, and often chuckle at the antics of the Weight Room Guys.

    Enjoyed your post, and thanks for stopping by The Swamp.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hahah I thought your response was hilarious. I find it impossible not to laugh when I hear mad grunting in the gym. Thank you for stopping by Tonysbologna. Looking forward to more of your posts.

      Like

  12. I’m a Crossfit fan, so don’t be too harsh. 🙂 I’ve been lifting in a gym for longer than you’ve probably been alive and I can lift some pretty heavy crap for a 50 year old woman…heck…for any woman actually. But THANK YOU!!! The gym guy and the lions drive me nuts. But the best line….”that’s the American dream. That and having Eddie Van Halen play your wedding. Goals my friend, goals indeed.” Priceless! Loved the post.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. My gym is World Gym San Diego. It is Gym Guy and Gym Gal heaven. It’s the SWOLE palace, the place they go when they compete. So I don’t have just one but many in my path. I learned to just chuckle as I go along getting in their way, especially when they are practicing their poses in the mirror with their posing coaches. Yes posing coaches…it’s comical.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Rawr! I am a bit of an enthusiast myself, and have posted that deadlift video, and then felt something akin to shame and remorse as absolutely zero people gave fucks about it. My bad. I will revert to the humble gym dude with big heart and less grunts. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Great blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers?

    I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
    Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or
    go for a paid option? There are so many options out there
    that I’m totally confused .. Any tips? Kudos!

    Like

  16. I can’t go to the gym anymore. I don’t really care so much about the narcissistic weight guys who just love to look in the mirror at their abs. With our demographics (mostly middle-aged), I feel like a cougar on display. Both the men and women are assessing me. Who’s the new woman at the gym? Has she got some cellulite???? Now I used the walking trails, unwashed and hidden under the trees. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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