Humor

Stupid Expressions

I can’t tell you why, but I have way too much fun with these.


I Don’t Give A Rat’s Ass

Damn, I really wanted a rat’s ass. I mean my collection! The things I would do. The places I’d go. What’s a guy to do? I don’t know who coined this phrase or who’s sitting on a pile of asses to toss out like candy at a parade but I’ll humbly refuse the offer. In fact, I struggle to find a situation where I would want a rat’s ass let alone need one. How are they practical? What am I going to do with a rat’s ass? I can’t you know…spend it anywhere. Witches use like toe jam and shit yet even they take the high road on this and refuse to use a rat’s ass. This is easily the most worthless item to hold onto. SO YOU KNOW WHAT, you can keep your rat’s ass tough guy, I don’t want it anyways.

Can you imagine… followed by something utterly banal.

Yes Helen, I CAN imagine what it’s like to be stuck at the post office. Uh-huh Martha, I think I CAN comprehend the frustration of the elevator not working. You know what Bob?, I CAN imagine the embarrassment on your face after you gave that presentation without realizing your zipper was down. Anytime someone describes a situation then asks if you can imagine low balls your imagination.

You Stick out like a sore thumb.

I have been alive for 28 years and have yet to see a sore thumb. I could thumb wrestle legions of people with sore thumbs and have no idea any of them are sore. What does sore look like? Like a 50 year old the day after cutting the grass? Remove the word “Sore” and say you stick out like a thumb. Is the me or is that worse. Hey Jim, yeah you stick out like a thumb? What did you call me? *Smack* I’m not the smartest guy in the classroom, but thumb are small, and genuinely don’t stick out. Have you ever looked at someone and noticed their thumb? Who does that? I’m confused.


Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. What expressions am I missing?

40 thoughts on “Stupid Expressions”

  5. Cracked me up. I needed a laugh. Cheers!
    I’ve got two:
    1. “Bless your heart!” i.e. you are a hot mess and it is your own fault but i do not have the courage to say that (esp. in American South). Now, ‘bless you,’ said softly, goes a long way.

    2. “Literally…..[insert something that did not happen, used for emphasis].
    “We literally ate all the ziti while you were away.”
    [there is still half a plate of ziti].

    In standard sense ‘literally’ means: In a literal manner: taking words in their usual or most basic sense, not figurative.
    Since 2000’s, an extended use has become common, where it is used for effect in non-literal contexts.

    Boo. Giggle.
    (Concise Oxford English Dictionary 11th ed. 2008)

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  6. Those are hilarious, especially since I use “I don’t give a rat’s ass.” Luckily the people I say it to don’t know that rat’s asses are worthless. Here’s one that drives me ballistic: “Does that make sense?” :::drool::: :::gibber::: cave woman…. no understand…

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  7. Don’t forget that the Rat’s Ass is a scientific unit of measurement. You can rate experiences, speeches, emotional attachments, and many other facets of life on the RA scale. There are positive and negative numbers, depending upon whether you do or don’t care…oddly enough we most often hear of the latter.

    Our cat often deals in the real thing during the warmer months. It pays to look closely at the door mat before you step out with bare feet…

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  8. My boss, who was an American, used to say tiny rat’s ass. Initially I found it funny. Later I understood he meant he would not cede an inch as little as a rat’s ass. Question is who has the dimension of a rat’s ass? May be, to make the ass even smaller, one made the rat tiny.

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  9. My favorite here in Italy is, “Bo!” (Rough English equivalent of “I don’t know, I don’t care.”I have lived here for two decades and I still can’t fathom the stupidity it takes to respond to every question with, “Bo!”

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  11. Since I often don’t give a rat’s ass, loudly, I’m afraid that anything I say here can and will be used for future blog posts. But that’s ok. “Rat bastard” a fave endearment learned from a parental unit.

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. I read a memo years ago in which many of the letters were missing and yet most people could still figure it out. Makes you wonder how precise we need to be to communicate. But then , who give a rat’s ass?

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  13. Lol! Funny indeed. 🤭

    “This is histerical” 👈 one of the expresions I don’t get when it comes to laughter. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Am I stupid and can’t read between the lines? 🤔 Who knows. 😂

    Anyhow… Cool post. 👏🏻 You have a writing style I enjoy. 😉

    (Oh, am I using too many emojis? 🤔 I bet this could make another post. 😁)

    Liked by 2 people

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      1. It’s my pleasure to read unconventional content. Take my word on this. 😁 I only give compliments if I believe they’re deserved. Since you made me smile, you’ve got 1 point. 🤭

        Thanks for the emoji permission. 😂 You seem like a cool dude. Are you on Medium and/ or LinkedIn? I enjoy connecting with people outside the original platform and some of them become my podcast guests. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 1 point?! Score! Can’t wait to see the prize when I get to 10.

        Well I’m glad you don’t hand out compliments like forks at a restaurant. Yes, feel free to connect with me on IG – @mistawinn – what do you podcast about ?

        Liked by 1 person

  17. I wrote a thing about similes or metaphors or whatever they are.

    Easy as pie – why pie? Carrots are easy.
    Easy as falling off a log. As someone who has fallen off a log
    “As painful as falling off a log” makes more sense.

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  18. How about “I’m so shit-faced.” Is that because one is so drunk, he or she fell on a pile of poop? That must be the origin. So now we have this image of a turd-covered face that reeks of such potent stink, it makes you wonder if it will combust. Ah, this must be when spontaneous combustion takes place. So that’s how it happens . . .

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  21. Sore thumbs do stick out! If you hurt your finger, or thumb, (and I have many times), it becomes useless and is easy to spot (at least I think) when you are handing over money or what not. I don’t know, maybe that’s just my super literal interpretation lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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  22. Here’s an expression for you: “Wouldn’t say sh*t if he had a mouthful.”
    What a lovely sentiment.
    What a lovely image.
    Great site, by the way.
    And thanks for dropping in on mine to read the same sort of stuff.
    All the best, buddy.
    John Ormsby
    P.S. Is Tony Bologna married to Mrs Malarkey?

    Liked by 1 person

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