The People Who Stand Up the Moment the Plane Lands and Try to Rush to the Front
The plane lands.
The seatbelt sign dings off.
And suddenly, like a field of prairie dogs sensing danger, heads pop up, and bodies start moving.
They clutch their carry-ons, eyes darting, calculating the best possible route to barrel past a grandmother, a flight attendant, and some guy in crutches —because perish the thought of having to wait your turn.
“But we have somewhere to be.”
Yes. You and literally everyone who has ever flown —ever.
It’s as if they believe deplaning works on a first-come, first-served basis.
If they don’t move quickly enough, they’ll be left behind, doomed to live out the rest of their days in 23B, subsisting on pretzels and a can of flat ginger ale.
Cry Babies
Cry babies come in many shapes and sizes.
- There’s the actual baby crying. Which, yes, that’s what babies do.
- Then there’s the adult complaining about the baby crying. (It’s a fuckin’ baby, of course they’re crying.)
- Then there’s the person who’s upset that the guy in front of them dared to recline his seat. (In a chair specifically designed for reclining, mind you.)
- And, of course, the travelers who seem to be genuinely offended by the idea that an airport might include delays, long lines, or… other people.
At some point, you just have to accept that life is just a series of mild inconveniences, and airports are where they all gather for a family reunion.
The Lady Who Forgot How to Order Food
She’s at the counter, reading the menu as if she’s in a tomb deciphering ancient hieroglyphics.
“Can you explain the whole tomato thing on your BLT?”
You feel your blood pressure rise.
In the distance, the cashier, who looks like she gave up on her will to live six customers ago, blinks.
“It’s whole tomatoes.”
A pause. The lady’s brow furrows. She looks at her travel companion, who is absolutely helpless.
“So… can you order it without tomatoes?”
The cashier blinks.
“Yes. Yes, you can.”
The lady nods. “Oh… ok.” Her head tilts up towards the menu as she considers her next words.
A century later, she issues the verdict.
“I think we’ll do that.”
You look away, trying to hide your annoyance.
YES!
In America, you can order a sandwich any way you like.
Without bread, bacon, or even common sense.
The possibilities are endless.
The People With Bad Manners
In a world full of strangers, good manners go a long way. But at an airport, you get to see what really flies.
The people who forget the “thank you’s.”
The “how are you’s.”
And everything besides the most important “you.”
Good manners are free.
Try them.
It just might make everyone’s day better.
The Loud Talkers
I didn’t need to know about your cousin’s botched vasectomy at 5 AM, and yet, here we are.
I hope he’s using ice.
The First Class
Rich pricks.
First-class passengers do not simply walk onto a plane. They glide.
They sweep in with the air of someone who absolutely did not pay for this seat themselves.
The moment they sit down, they begin assessing everyone who passes them like an emperor in the coliseum. You can see it in their eyes — the quick flick up and down. Judging. Measuring. Weighing your worth.
Then they settle into their luxury recliners with complimentary champagne, secure in the knowledge that they will be the first ones off the plane while the rest of us fight to the death for overhead bin space.
The Coach
Sixty years ago, people dressed in suits to fly.
Today, we board in pajamas. Sweatpants. Flip-flops. And the guy in row 19 is wearing a bathrobe.
As a society, we’ve given up.
And the coach is where you bask in it.
(Says the guy currently wearing an old hoodie with a mustard stain on it.)
The Lady Who Can’t Accept That a Customer Service Rep Doesn’t Control Flight Schedules
“But we missed our flight!”
Yes, and the guy behind the counter makes twelve dollars an hour. He is not the mastermind behind Delta Airlines. He does not have a secret emergency plane hidden in the back.
And if he did, IF HE DID, chances are, he’s not going to give it to the person who just screamed at him.
He is just as trapped here as you are.
Just as unhappy as you are.
The Person Who Lays Their Carry-On Sideways
There is exactly one way to store a carry-on suitcase in the overhead bin: vertically.
Like a book on a shelf. Like a normal person who understands how space works.
And yet, some people choose sideways.
Their bags might as well be in a hammock, sipping a piña colada for how relaxed they look.
Longways?! Are you kidding me?
It’s not even more convenient.
It’s just lazy.
Just a hunch, but maybe — just maybe — someone else on this 100-person plane also needs to store their luggage.
Crazy thought, I know.
The Hoverers
The flight attendants chum the waters.
Something about boarding and zones, and instantly, people start crowding the gate — hovering, inching forward like shoppers bracing for a Black Friday brawl.
They clutch their boarding passes like golden tickets, bouncing on their heels, ready to pounce. The second someone so much as shifts their weight, they surge forward, only to… stop.
Now they’re just standing.
Still waiting.
But now, they get to do it closer.
Then comes the boarding call, and they practically trip over themselves to be the first in their seats — the very same seats they’ll be desperate to escape in 120 minutes.
Airplanes, it turns out, are all about hovering — at the gate, in the air, and outside the bathroom when you really, really have to pee.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think! Who am I missing? Let me know in the comments below.
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OMG!
You just wrote my life story!! 😂
I did 23 years with United airlines both Customer Service and Ramp.
I retired from that and now do a part time gig at Starbucks…
I am that person on the other side of the counter trying to remind myself that individual behaving like a toddler has someone somewhere who loves them and thinks they are a great person. For many reasons that thought keeps the smile on my face and the ability to deal with those people without losing my mind!
That is a super wise thought! I need to try that in my own life – thank you for reading
Reading this really brought back some memories that are fairly entertaining… thing is I have no desire to write about airline or airport experience specifically… BUT these experiences to find their way into the characters I do write.
What is amazing… airport life is a great microcosm of the world at large … you really do get the entire range of human (and animal) experience if you spend enough time at an airport… O’Hare is the largest airport I worked and Kona was the smallest… found the same people in both places…
Was in O’Hare 2 days ago – some of my stories are from there
As crazy as O’Hare (ORD in airline jargon) is, it remains one of my favorite places. Many good memories there!
It’s an upgrade from my hometown airport – CLE Hopkins
Pure inflows of the intelligence ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks so much!
Nice post 🌅🌅
Thank you!
I hate flying.
I’m nervous nearly everytime
I used to work in customer service for a travel company. I had a good laugh with this one. Thanks for my morning chuckle.
Happy to provide!
Ha! I immediately stand because I have leg problems. I have to get the circulation going else I won’t be able to walk. I do wait my turn. But next time, I’ll try sideways… Sorry!
All good! I’ve been a stander before – you’re not alone
This was spot on. Every time I fly, I will remember your post!
Thank you so much! Safe travels 😉
Very witty and entertaining read, the BLT story had me in stitches
Hahah thank you – I just got done from a 12 hour travel day and this was my therapy
😂😂😂oh so many times I’ve crossed the path of many of these…. I always sit on the plane until everyone is gone and then I get up and grab my bag LAST.
So many of these familiar , you sure don’t go into town without at least one experience 😂
Very wise
I’ve just stopped laughing long enough to type a comment. Apologies for any typos caused by shaking hands. 🙂 So, so true, I’ve encountered them all and I accept that a flight is never going to be without inconveniences. I would just add that, although I realise that seats recline and passengers are apt to recline them; however, wouldn’t it be wonderful if the a$$hole in front, and given that it’s the middle of lunch service, had checked to make sure that I didn’t have a drink/food container on my tray before he threw his seat backwards and I almost ended up wearing them? Nothing like arriving at your holiday destination wearing roast chicken, vegetables and orange juice. Thank heavens I have good reflexes and am ready for his sort through vast experience. It’s common to say that many people leave their brains at home when they go on holiday – I question whether many of them have brains to leave behind. Whatever. Thanks for another entertaining and laughter-filled interlude, Tony. 🙂 🙂 🙂
So happy you enjoyed, I just flew behind a big seat leaner and yeah it’s an adventure with the open cup
I’m glad I don’t fly too often. 🙂
This is really good 👍😊
Thank you so much!
I laughed out loud at the description of first class passengers! Spot on!
They should be boarding last since they’re in the front of the plane!
That’s a really good point
You would think but they also complain the loudest
Getting off that plane after it has landed is to understand how fish raced to the shoreline, sprouting legs to walk in order to get to the goodies first.
Hahah yes!
I’m sympathetic to the traveler who can’t decipher the airport take out menu. Said traveler might not know the local language. I usually order plain black coffee when I travel internationally because it’s one of the few things that you can order and generally receive what you ordered without making a huge fool out of yourself in many languages, but sometimes you’re hungry and you want to order food with calories. I’m less sympathetic to the extraordinarily high prices prices charged by airport restaurants because they have a monopoly on places you can go without having to go through security/passport control again. I get that ultimately it’s my fault for expecting airport French fries to taste good just because I spent a zillion euros on them, but still.
Very true and kind points! Also I too hate being ripped off
It’s on spot. Majority of these, I’ve experienced it when I had a connecting flight in Qatar. I encountered most of them. Hahaha.. it’s really hard but yeah I survived.
Good one Tony. Airport departures –where you go to see people at their absolute worst. Airport arrivals — where you go to see to people hugging their loved ones and have your trust and belief in what’s good restored. Ha, ha, safe travels.
That’s such a good observation! I love it
Good thought
Thanks so much!
BAYBAY, listen!!!!
This part:
“At some point, you just have to accept that life is just a series of mild inconveniences, and airports are where they all gather for a family reunion.”
Airports give me hives. I absolutely hate flying. My anxiety levels shift from zero to ten QUICKLY, mainly because of most the stuff you mentioned.
😂🤣😊
Hahah yeah I feel you there! I find myself doing a lot of praying whenever I fly
💯💯💯
I hate flying, but this piece made me laugh. Thanks
So happy it did!
Why would you want to get on someone’s nerves? Who makes the keys to your home? @alexa
Hilarious and exactly why I don’t fly. 🙂
I don’t blame you!!
Love the well descriptive annoyance of babies crying. So funny and yet so true!
Thank you so so much$
I do wish people would read the menu, then approach the counter to order a meal!
Overhead lockers? I like to have my backpack under my seat where I can utilise its contents. The first world problem that annoys me is the guy who takes the window seat not to look out at the scenery but to close the blind and go to sleep.
The not opening the window is such a good one, it’s not like we can see the world from the sky everyday!
And even if you can … it never gets old!
Absolutely! Bird’s eye view or well, even higher than a bird.
The ‘prairie dog’ description was dead-on
I’ve been one myself
This is actually good
Thanks!
Hilariously true. Believe it or not, I saw a portly man skiing in a white bathrobe–well, he was on his knees, but he’d been trying to ski, and his bathrobe was soaking wet because, guess what it snows on a ski hill….🙄
Hahah that’s so wild! Where at?
Bogus Basin Mountain Recreation outside of Boise ID
This is such a hilariously relatable rant! 🤣✈️ There’s something about overhead bin etiquette (or the lack of it) that brings out the strongest opinions in people.
The sideways placement? 🤦♂️ It wastes so much space—one person’s laziness ends up inconveniencing everyone else. And the longways approach?! 😤 Pure chaos. It’s like they think they’re the only passenger on the plane.
I bet flight attendants secretly judge people based on their suitcase placement skills. 😂 Maybe airlines need to start giving a quick “how to use an overhead bin” tutorial before takeoff. 🎓🧳
So happy you enjoyed and I totally ahree
Having worked in ATC, airlines and airport operations this rings so many bells for me, I wrote a piece a few years back on a blog of mine
https://norvenmunky.wordpress.com/2011/05/13/do-the-maths/
The bathrobe was crazy. Lol Your post sums up the varied reasons why I dislike flying and how it tests my patience each and everytime. Once I finally land and step outside the airport I feel as if I have just won a battle in which I barely made it out alive. Your posts are always amazing.
Thank you so much! I always say a big old prayer myself
A lovely write up which summarises the kind of experiences we have whenever we dare to fly.
Permit me to share with you a similar view point of my own: https://ashokbhatia.me/2023/08/07/the-travails-of-an-air-passenger
Appreciate you reading and will do
Love it. Sure, we’ve all met these “wonderful” people on board/at an airport. I tend to put on my hat, airpods, and dark shades to block them all out so I can enjoy my flight in peace.
I’m the same way physically there but far away
We have all played one of these roles on a flight! Lol.
Ain’t it the truth
I am not going to lie you had me LOL on this!! As a frequent traveler I have either played one of these parts or witnessed it all first hand! I like to watch people waiting to board and wonder what on earth has them “hovering closer” for a flight that isn’t going to leave until we are all on the plane. Thanks for the laugh!
So happy to provide one! Thanks for reading Nd I’ve been them all too
That line is so quotable! “At some point, you just have to accept that life is just a series of mild inconveniences, and airports are where they all gather for a family reunion.”
Thank you so so much!!
I perfer to sit and wait until the herd has already gone by and over the cliff as opposed to being trampled because I was too impatient to wait my turn. And it pays to be patient after a Marvel movie to see the teaser at the end of the credits.
Hahah yes! Great call
A very witty ,funny and loud. Love it that you didn’t hold back on roasting. So relatable too
Thank you so so much!!