The Gas Station Pointer

“No… I want that one.”

“No… THAT one.”

Hey, lady, will you just pick a fuckin’ pack and let me die in peace?

The gas station pointer requires a very specific type of nicotine product—one of the 700 available—but rather than reading the label, they jam their finger against the glass like it’s an EpiPen and they’re going into anaphylactic shock.

The problem?

The cashier does not, in fact, have X-ray vision. Nor are they inside the cigarette case, gently stroking each pack like a sommelier presenting a fine wine. So the dance begins.

“Is it this one?”
“No.”
“This one?”
“NO.”
“THIS ONE??”
“WILL YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU FUCKIN’ WANT?!”

Miraculously, three minutes later, the woman finally reads the label, and civilization narrowly avoids collapse.

However, this whole dance is not without casualties because everyone involved is FURIOUS.

The woman buying nicotine thinks the cashier is an idiot.
The cashier thinks the lady is a bitch.
And all the people behind her in line who just wanted a Snickers bar are now questioning  their life choices.

 

The Fast Food Pointer

Most commonly found at Chipotle, the fast food pointer doesn’t speak so much as grunt—an homage to our caveman ancestors.

ME WANT CHICKEN. ME WANT SALSA. NO RED SALSA!

All tap-tapping away.

Meanwhile, the employee stands there, tongs in hand, waiting for this Neanderthal to just use words like the rest of us.

Ironically, there’s always a sign right in front of them that reads, “Please don’t point.”

As if these people could read.

Unfortunately, the fast food pointer has brains made of rocks and dust.

Pointing is all they know.
It got them this far in life, and they ain’t about to abandon it now for your impatient ass.

 

The Accuser

“It was YOU.”

No one likes being criticized,  and even fewer people enjoy being accused—which is exactly what the accuser pointer specializes in.

They are, in fact, a double whammy. They don’t just attack you with words. No, no. They punctuate their accusations with one very sharp, very personal finger point. The kind that says, “I could stab you with this if I really wanted to.”

They say most communication is nonverbal, but let me tell you—there’s nothing louder than being singled out in front of a group of people.

 

The Vision Setter

“Our company is going to the future!”

Cue the eye rolls.

Ah, the vision setter pointer. You’ll find this one in the super corporate world, usually at mandatory company meetings where an outside consultant—one who lives for keynote speeches—has been hired to tell you how to reach your full potential as if they have the way.

This person has the exact personality you’d expect from someone in a stock photo. Polished, confident, and immediately infuriating.

They point with purpose.

They point with intensity.

They point as if each jab of their finger is single-handedly moving the company forward with the vision they’re casting.

Yet the only thing the audience truly envisions is the exact moment they get out of this meeting.

 

The ’70s Dancer

Otherwise known as the Bellbottom Bomber, the ’70s dancer keeps the finger point alive—one exaggerated disco move at a time.

He’s the closest thing to John Travolta, besides, well… John Travolta.

He lives for the moment Stayin’ Alive comes on at a wedding, sliding across the dance floor with the confidence of someone who has never worried about paying taxes on time.

His fingers? Constantly pointing at the ceiling, the DJ, and you. He beckons you onto the dance floor, but you decline—because you have dignity.

And if we’re being honest, a pretty big fear of embarrassment.

Later, though, you’ll hate yourself for not joining …because that’s you. (me)

Disco might be dead, but this man is bringing it back one finger point at a time.

 

The Mime

What an insufferable hipster.

The mime—the ultimate novelty performer. A person who chooses silence but somehow still manages to be the most annoying person in the room.

They have a mouth. They have a pen. They could just communicate like the rest of us. But no. Instead, they point. That’s their whole schtick. 

The mime is proof that sometimes, the loudest person in the room is the one who never speaks at all.

 

The Politician

“It’s THEIR fault,” says the red politician, jabbing a finger at the blue politician.

“No, it’s YOUR fault,” the blue politician fires back, returning the blame.

Meanwhile, the entire country is standing there, pointing at both of them, screaming:

“WE ELECTED YOU. STOP BICKERING AND DO YOUR DAMN JOB!”

Politicians have built their entire careers on finger-pointing. Their secret? Blame literally anyone else for every problem.

It’s a trick as old as time.

If a politician is pointing a finger, just know one thing:

They have no interest in actually fixing the problem.

 

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Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack