A Traffic Jam
You wear excitement on your face.
Just five more miles until you finally reach your destination.
On any clock, that would be five minutes—but on this clock, what greets you is a flood of taillights stretching as far as the eye can see.
You immediately lie to yourself.
“Oh, this will be quick.”
Like somehow, traffic—quite literally not moving—is going to be quick.
But as five minutes turn into fifty, your hope for yourself and society at large goes out the window.
Bonus points if you have to use the bathroom.
A Long Line at the Cashier
You’ve finished shopping.
You even managed to convince yourself you’ll cook the kale this time instead of watching it die slowly in the fridge.
But when you turn the corner from dairy to checkout, it hits you: a human centipede of 33 disgruntled shoppers.
There’s shuffling.
There’s sighing.
There’s even one woman visibly aging.
In the distance, you see one cashier. Sweating and possibly crying.
You can’t tell.
You sigh and snake your way to the end of the line, dodging eye contact, pretending to look at gum while bargaining with the universe: “If I make it out of here in under twenty minutes, I swear I’ll eat my salad this time.”
You won’t.
You finally reach the front, depleted.
They scan your almond milk.
You nod like you’ve survived something.
Because you have.
A Conversation You Can’t Escape
“Yeah… yeah… right… well—”
“So then I said…”
Your eyes squint as you nod. Part of you catches a glimpse of the door, and the realization hits you that you won’t be opening it.
“Uh huh.”
A smile grows across their face.
“But then!”
You look away once more.
“Hey, I…”
“But do you know what I mean?”
You check your watch and somehow it’s still the same minute.
Someone Blocking the Drive-Thru
You’re not proud of choosing McDonald’s, but the heart wants what the blood sugar demands.
You roll into the drive-thru and stop. Not because you’ve reached the order screen, but because the car in front of you has died.
Not metaphorically.
It’s literally out of gas and perfectly positioned to block all forward movement. A car pulls in behind you, then another.
Soon, a parade of boxed-in desperation sets in.
You consider honking, but remember the social contract: no one honks unless it’s life or death—or Chick-fil-A.
After five minutes, someone tries to reverse out and clips a side mirror. You witness civilization’s collapse, one uneaten French fry at a time.
An Unskippable YouTube Ad
You wanted a video about houseplants. Or maybe how to unclog a sink.
Instead, you’re watching an ad for a luxury SUV you’ll never afford, narrated by a voice that assumes you play golf.
There’s no “skip.”
There’s no mercy.
Just Ad.
You click around.
You get rerouted.
You come back, and the ad plays again—this time for insurance. Or crypto.
You start to forget what you were here for.
Somewhere, the video begins. But it doesn’t matter. You’ve already closed the tab. That part of your day is gone.
Forever.
Bonus: Missing Trash Day
It’s not world-ending. But it feels like it.
You hear the truck. You run—barefoot, carrying a bag that leaks something probably dairy.
You wave. You jump. You trip. You fall.
You throw the bag.
But they don’t stop.
You look back to the bin, still full. Still heavy.
You bring it back like a defeated soldier.
You’ll try again next week. Maybe.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. What am I missing?
Never miss a blog post and follow me here: Tonysbologna | Anthony Robert | Substack
Think you nailed this list. Only thing you forgot was the screaming, unhappy child ahead of you in the endless sludge of a checkout line.
Or the screaming child kicking the back of your seat during a flight. 🙁
Perfect! LMAO! SO TRUE! I would add going to a restaurant (that doesn’t take reservations) and being told it’ll be a 10 minute wait that actually stretches to one hour and you’re hungry!
So true. 😄
Thank you!!
My pleasure.
Out of the box thinking… 🙂
Hahah thank you
This is hilariously relatable! The other day I was in the car wash…you know the kind where the little wheels push your car through with another car about six inches in front of you and another behind?
Except this time, about half way through the car wash. I smelled exhaust. It was distinct. And the car in front of me died right there, but none of us knew it until they got off the roller and needed to pull out before I rear ended them! It was horrible.
On another note, if you continually hold the break, the roller will break free of your wheel until the next one comes up. 😳 I was a mess until they finally shut the car wash off to get the lady out in front of me!
Not usually relatable; it’s the stuff of nightmares, though.
Hahaha wow I would lose my mind!!
Hey! Wait! Stop! I have garbage!
I’ll wait for you
Great and telling work! There’s the ad with Folger’s (whatever his name is) and Oscar his cat and about eating something good. For the cat, I think. And once the ad runs, it runs again. Sometimes a third time, too. And someone in promotion thought this would be the right way to sell the product. Nope. Quite the reverse effect. Thanks for your examples–they’re just right!
So happy you enjoyed!!
So true, been there for many of these. Thanks for posting – I think. 🙂
Hahah thank you for commenting
Yes to all five. I see a common denominator . . . they all involve “people” in some form. Reason number 565 on why I’ll one day flee to a cave or cabin somewhere far away from the rest of society. Good one Tony. Ha, ha.
Hahah I expect a book coming back out from the cave
Oh, but that may have mean dealing with people. Ugh. A true catch-22.
Some are really embarassing that one would leave at once
Yes indeed!
Been there. Been there. Been there. And . . . been there.🤣
Oh the joy of life!
My anxiety level just grew and grew as I read this.
Music to my ears my friend
Too long of a line when I’m clothes or home goods shopping and I begin to contemplate whether I really need any of what is in my hands/carriage.
Yes exactly
Nailed it.
Been there. Done that. Thanks for the memories.
Pleasure is all mine
When we lived in Southern California, we were six miles from where I worked. It took me a minimum of 30 minutes to do those six miles. And if I had been stupid enough to get on the freeway to do it, it would have taken much longer. Don’t miss that at all.
You were spot on with all your points. But luckily we don’t get much of any of that living here in our little (less than 11,000 people) city in Wyoming. Yay!
Oh my goodness. I actually missed trash week this past week 😭😭!! Parents weren’t too happy about that haha.
Since I pick up my groceries and rarely go into the store, I save money and stress. Most large chains do pickup now.
Traffic where I live is unavoidable unless you go early like picking up my groceries or plan early flights at the airport. Being blocked in at a fast food restaurant drive thru would cause problems for me because I would be hungry plus I get anxiety being trapped in tight spaces.
I love this and hate this at the same time! But there was no button for that. So true in every painful word!
Thank you so much! So glad you enjoyed
i think you are right. i have experienced all the situation and sometimes feel frustrated.
Misery loves company – thank you for reading!
Brilliant humor. Inciteful and real.