In the year of our Lord 2015, if you have managed to not live under a rock, (Call you Patrick Star) you are likely aware of the social media phenomena. For the first time in human history, people can read, admire and like the happenings of the world from the comfort of their toilet seat. We are hopelessly interconnected; the world has indeed shrunk and the possibilities are truly endless. Alas, this rollercoaster build up has reached it’s climax and now charges downhill. This article is part one in a three part series about the top three douchiest things people post on a social media. The kaleidoscope of bullshit otherwise known as the internet has provided BILLIONS of potential candidates so it has been difficult to narrow it down to a mere three.
This article is dedicated to the twisted people that go out of their way to read tweets, Instagrams and Facebook posts of people that annoy them. There isn’t one soul that I know that doesn’t indulge in the guilty pleasure of critiquing other people’s social media. If such a person exists they are likely the wisest being on earth. The truth is at times everyone is guilty of these douchey tendencies but I digress. The appetizer is over and the main course is about to be served, let us begin.
Douchey Tendency Number One: The Not So Subtle Art of Humble Bragging
Per Urban Dictionary:
Subtly letting others know about how fantastic your life is while undercutting it with a bit of self-effacing humor or “woe is me” gloss.
At its core, everyone posts on social media for the exact same reason: so other people can see what is going on in their life. Social media is our own reality TV show and people are tuned in. The number one douchiest tendency in social media is when people post a humble bragging status about acts / activities they should already be doing. Humble bragging is douchey in itself but the levels of douchiness raises ten fold when it’s accompanied with an ordinary act. In fact humble bragging to ordinary acts is an insult to everyone with an ounce of self respect.
This is our number one douchiest tendency because it encompasses many examples. The person that posts a status about making breakfast is held to the same standard as the fellow that posts he went to the gym on a Saturday. The person who tweets about making it to work on time dines at the table with the person who Instagrams that they had a productive day.
If you find yourself observing content and the question “Who cares?” comes to mind then ding, ding, ding my friend you have discovered a humble bragging status. There is no prize other than minute spikes of self-loathing, and quizzical grins but alas, I am no doctor.
Humble bragging about an ordinary act displays low standards of pride. Does anybody really care that you made dinner? I’m sure the dinner was fantastic and gosh darnit I would have probably come back for seconds, but did this really deserve to be a status? Yeah, me you and 2/3s of the population made dinner last night.
You went to the gym and started eating healthy? Congratulations, you are doing what you should already be doing. In fact millions of people do it and manage not to document it. Crazy, I know!
To the parents that post a status sharing that they get their kids to school on time and made there lunch. I ask you shouldn’t you be doing that anyways? Granted the lunch is a nice bonus but you made lunch for your kid, Mother Teresa. That’s great parenting but it’s basic, like super, duper basic.
If you’re going to take pride and brag about something, make sure it’s something that at bare minimum, isn’t ordinary. Take pride in accomplishing a goal or facing a fear. Stop taking pride in ordinary acts and start posting sweet statuses like a tiger playing the electric guitar or an elephant snowboarding.
I see 500 messages a day in social media and I surely don’t want to read about you feeling good over making a cheeseburger. If you are going to brag, just brag and if you do brag make sure it’s worthwhile.
Disclaimer : There are two sides to every coin, and many people post content as it is required for their job, fuels their passion, help stay connected with family, excreta and so fourth. Everyone has an angle; I acknowledge this and respect the hustle. Intent is everything and this article was written with the intent to appreciate the subtle douchey idiosyncrasies of social media. This was written intentionally with a skeptical, humorous lense. As acknowledged prior, everyone including myself has been guilty of this tendency.
Please comment, share your feedback, share your social media pet peeves, hate me, love me or whatever. Part 2 debuts next week. Stay tuned.