Top Three Douchiest Things People Post On Social Media Part Two

As I type the keyboard shakes with growing intensity; the footsteps of the impending masses are truly felt before they are heard. Part two of Top Three Douchiest Things People Post On Social Media sheds light on the Jewel of the Social Media Nile; The Selfie. Shots fired.


Douchey Tendency Number Two: The Everyday Selfie Taker

Selfies are a lighting rod issue: they are simultaneously, all the while beautifully, loved and loathed by the masses. If you will they are Yin and Yang. We love selfies, love taking them, love captioning them, love critiquing them and most importantly love the ego stroke we receive when someone “likes” them. Everyone with a smartphone takes selfies and sometimes we actually need to. I’m aware life happens. You just bumped into Will Smith, I get it. Proudly take that selfie and upload that shit. I’ll “like” it, maybe even write a comment. Carpe Diem.

We love selfies so much that it’s now an official word in the dictionary. Yes, selfie is in the dictionary, and that’s pretty eye opening. 1,400 years of beautiful English slowly morphed “Art Thou” into “Selfie” and “YOLO”. Lolz. Change truly is the only constant in life.

With such intense selfie love there is also an equally intense emotion shimmering on the opposite side of the selfie spectrum; loathe. The constant selfie taker is number two in the Top Three Douchiest Things People Post on Social Media because simply posting constant selfies is a douchey move and people loathe it. This is a 1 +1 = 2 type of thing.

Uploading a selfie everyday is a douchey move. It just is. I’m not a fan of having the rationale of anything simply be explained with the word “Just” but this is the only exception. Barring a natural disaster, an abusive spouse, accident, alien invasion, plastic surgery, desire to change your hair color everyday or all of the above your face probably hasn’t changed overnight. I know what you look like, I’ve seen your face the past 18 days. Yes, I can tell you have been using Aquafresh toothpaste. Look at them pearly whites.

I’m wise enough to know that it is illogical to try to rationalize people but I must ask what is the point of taking a selfie everyday? Even if you were an A list model, the supply and demand relationship would never favor a selfie-a-day. There simply isn’t enough demand to warrant the transaction.

I understand the dopamine feeling when you upload a selfie and it generates many “likes” but posting a selfie everyday is ridiculous. It’s ridiculous for many reasons. The largest being it tricks your brain into having your ego depend its validation on the thoughts and feelings of others. Letting other people dictate your emotions is simply ridiculous, and dare I type ludicrous? I won’t dive into this because I’m not your guidance counselor but know that basing your self worth on the opinions of others is a recipe for frustration.

A selfie-a-day person runs into a major problem, captions. Surprisingly enough, it turns out it is difficult to write a relevant caption when you’re posting the same picture of yourself everyday.

Please have relevant captions on your pictures. Taking a selfie while you’re in the bathroom and captioning it to the lyrics of Taylor Swift doesn’t make any sense. Taking a selfie while you’re in a McDonalds drive thru and captioning it with an inspirational quote, how the does that correlate? How can that possibly be inspiring? What the fuck? I see the problem, if you caption it with what you’re honestly doing it would sound drab.

“Started making popcorn, thought I’d take a picture of my face.”

“Sitting in Starbucks, here’s a picture with me and my frap. Letting you guys know I’m here”

“It’s 9:00 PM on a Friday and I’m half dead from watching Sportscenter. Here’s my TV bod, hear it roar.”

“I’m at the weight room again, here’s a picture so I can show you that I’m dedicated.”

The constant selfie taker is ridiculous because eventually the constant selfie taker becomes the “Proud” constant selfie taker. Wasn’t there a bit about change and it being the only thing that is constant?

The ‘Proud” selfie taker really is the head of the selfie snake, fangs oozing, dripping poison. To add context we’re talking about a person that finds their pride in posting a picture of themselves…. that they took. Not only finding pride but defending the pride. To hell with being proud about meaningful things, they furnish their pride in selfies. #Selfie #ProudSelfie #HatersGonnaHate

The fact that people take precautions to defend selfies with passive aggressive hashtags in their captions shows that they instinctively know it’s douchey. Hence the aforementioned. This is the proof in the douchebag pudding. This is why the constant selfie taker is a douche.

A suggestion: if you are uploading constant selfies at least change it up. Go Brittney Spears on us and shave your head. Fake a zombie attack while taking a selfie. Wear an eye patch. Do something different. Throw us a damn curve ball. Anything. #Please #Seriously

Disclaimer : There are two sides to every coin, and many people post content as it is required for their job, fuels their passion, help stay connected with family, etc. Everyone has an angle; I acknowledge this and respect the hustle. Intent is everything and this article was written with the intent to appreciate the subtle douchey idiosyncrasies of social media. This was written intentionally with a skeptical, humorous lense. As acknowledged prior, everyone including myself has been guilty of this tendency.

Please comment, share your feedback, share your social media pet peeves, hate me, love me or whatever.  Stay tuned for Part three.

134 thoughts on “Top Three Douchiest Things People Post On Social Media Part Two

  1. Who are you? Why have you cleverly articulated my my random thoughts on people and their instagram fueled “douche-ness”?! I loved this so much! Thanks for liking my blog post.

      1. Thank you! Thank you! Every time some says my blog is lovely, my heart leaps! I’ll check yours out as well! Thanks for the kind words!

  2. This is definitely one of my top peeves. I have one divorced friend who does this constantly to hear how beautiful she is from all her men friends. I’ve hidden her drama posts.

  3. Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog and liking a post. For what it’s worth, I only take selfies to document gross things like eye infections, etc., and I would never post them on Facebook. (Ewww!) I can’t imagine showing them to anybody (except maybe my doctor, or my sisters). I must confess, though, if a restaurant meal is particularly tasty, or looks really nice, I might share a photo of it, because my friends might enjoy the place, too.

  4. This is hilarious, especially your honest but drab selfie captions. I think you should start your own selfie-a-day project with honest captions 😝 Thanks so much for visiting and liking my blog post!

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  6. We are not “selfies” people, unless we go to the occasional concert. However, I love that you chose Will Smith. Yup, you bet. If I ran into him, or rather tackled him, I’d be posting that everywhere. Actually, I wouldn’t have to, because I’d be arrested and everyone else would be snapping photos of me.

    That reminds me, my husband went to a LA Kings Hockey game and took a selfie with LL Cool Jay. How cool is that? They had to do it. I posted it and linked to here.


  7. My “friend” has this special hastag #selfieadaykeepsthedoctoraway. I couldn’t do this even if I wanted to, because I am a regular person that just doesn’t look good every day 😀 Also I don’t visit the most interesting places daily.

    However, I want to be the proactive fucker, who only posts pictures when wearing perfect make-up and a brand new dress on a vacation on a tropical island. Because that way I would give the impression that my whole life is like this and eveyone can envy me and by pissed off by my very existence. And that’s what we all try to do on social media, don’t we?

    (Pardon my english, I am not a native speaker, but I suppose you are, because your english is perfect.)

  8. Oh yes indeed :-DDD

    However, on the empowr site (you liked my post about it yesterday, thanks!) I didn’t really see this, so far. People rather post more substantial content.

  9. Thanks for checking out my blog!

    Ha! Now this I like – completely agree! I change my facebook profile once every 2 years, usually with a picture of some spider or a random face photo, because I find selfies just cringeworthy! Always have, always will. Have few on my phone, usually when feeling super unattractive and need an ego boost with a good angle, but always question at which point I will need them in my life? I will definitely not be showing them to my child saying “look how pretty your mum looked at this angle, oh and the filter!”.
    I like and I will follow!

  10. Reblogged this on Kaywill112's Blog and commented:
    The fact that people take precautions to defend selfies with passive aggressive hashtags in their captions shows that they instinctively know it’s douchey. Hence the aforementioned. This is the proof in the douchebag pudding. This is why the constant selfie taker is a douche… Someone gotta read this.. Not my words..

  11. Usually selfies do come with captions…doesn’t make them easier to digest. What scares me are the uber-filters. Nobody looks like themselves anymore. As an amateur photographer, I know the necessity of good lighting and the tragedy of bad lighting…and as much as I appreciate the virtues of healthy vanity, these Snapchat filters are ridiculous. And not only the look-12-and-flawless ones but the ones with ears and lil hearts floating about. OMG. lol

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