Have You Ever Noticed?

Have you ever been going about your normal life, whistling Dixie, when a stupid idea kicks you square in the nuts and brings you to your knees?

Me too.

Below is what I noticed.

The People Who Complain about Traffic Typically Are The People Who Contribute to Traffic

These blind leading the blind bastards are like the boy who cried wolf, except these scholars own the damn wolf and are setting it loose in their backyard. The quintessential yin and yang of their very own torment, these people would rather complain about the traffic instead of, you know, finding alternative means of transportation. The sage advice of “Be the change you want to see” just floats right over the hood of their car and lands somewhere on a crowded highway, lost in the hustle and bustle of 50,000 people slugging home to sit down and take a massive shit. Instead of filing a complaint about traffic, I don’t know, don’t walk.

There Are Such Things As Stupid Questions

Look, I’ll level with ya, I’m all for making people feel appreciated & loved but I’m not buying into this “There’s no such thing as a stupid question” propaganda. Who’s paying you teachers? Who are you covering up for? There are plenty of stupid people, sitting around, elbow deep into a bag of potato chips asking plenty of stupid questions. Was it Einstein that was asking you questions he could Google the answer to? Was it Isaac Newton strolling around asking “How many farts does it take to kill a sumo?” Probably not. But for whatever illogical reason, people are brain washed into believing that there is no such thing as a stupid question. I can’t tell you why, but that line has been drawn in the sand and if you have the moxie to step over it, good luck, it’s an uphill battle in subzero temperatures. Ironically, people will happily admit there are such things as a stupid person and happily bitch about them… behind their back of course. So if there are such things as a stupid person, wouldn’t that person be a prime candidate of asking a stupid question? Or is that too crazy, you be the judge. Perhaps the person who spent the entire morning shoving crayons up their ass instead of paying attention might just let a stupid question slip out of their stupid mouth. But what the Hell do I know, I’m just a guy who’s asked plenty of stupid questions and will likely ask a few more.

Long Story Short Is Three Wasted Words

Instead of, you know, telling me it’s a long story short, can’t we just serve up the story short and quit the foreplay? I don’t need to know the backstory of your presentation; I’ll just take the presentation cold and sober. Surprise me, I’m a gambling man and furthermore, I’m a brevity man.

Single People Ironically Give Relationship Advice

In a world where everyone wants to feel loved, have you noticed that the people who give the most relationship advice are usually the ones who are chronically single and the ones who shouldn’t be passing out advice like smuggled candy bars at fat camp? Or is it just me? I don’t know, if I’m going to take relationship advice, it’s probably going to be from someone who was in one.

Practice Makes Perfect Doesn’t Apply To Sleep

After 20 some-odd years you’d think I’d be a pro at this but dammit, why can’t I sleep?!

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. This is satire. What are some stupid questions that you have heard?

34 thoughts on “Have You Ever Noticed?

  1. Good stuff, Tony! You are a great humorist. I must say that while I have been known to tell people “There is no such thing as a stupid question” I know it’s not true. I say it to make them feel better actually. Call it a little white lie or b.s. I guess. Love the commentary on “long story short”–you are so right!

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Oh boy, you’re asking us to provide you stupid questions we’ve heard? Oh there are too many! I’ve been spending the past two years back in my hometown trying to forget and bury all the idiocy I’ve experienced for it’s been too much. Too much! Luckily there are a few great brains and sometimes the low-powered-brains still have high-powered hearts. See? My self therapy is working. But I’ll tell you one question a mail person asked me that set me back a step. “Do you really want all those third world people moving over here and voting for big government?!”

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Why can’t a single person be a relationship expert? In the words of the immortal Yogi Berra, “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Personal experience is also very limited, and resulting opinions drawn from experience are subjective.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Bahaha the people who give relationship advice are chronically single but they might be just working through their mistakes – one day! And I can read them longest winding poem but if someone is telling me about their cat – I need them to get to the point – quickly – unless it’s funny and witty which your posts are so always worth a long read

    Liked by 1 person

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