The coup d’etat happened in an instant.
Jenn accessed her family’s Hulu account, saw her sister Sarah’s email, and with a triumphant, extended forefinger, deleted her ass right off into the abyss.
She smiled as she imagined her sister’s sudden and probably horrible reaction to the news.
But fresh blood was in the water, and this shark wanted to eat. After she saw her father’s and mother’s emails on the family account, it was over.
She deleted them faster than a limited-time-only email.
And then, having rid the account of leeches, she sat back, kicked her legs up on the coffee table, and poured herself a glass of wine, admiring her accomplishment.
That is until the phone rang.
“Jenn? Jenn! What the fuck!”
“Is your Hulu working?”
“Mine’s not – it says I don’t have access – can I have your login?”
Jenn sipped her wine; its dark color bleached her teeth red as it washed from her teeth.
“But – but my show is coming on.”
“But…but…I don’t care, and actually, Sarah, I was the one who deleted your login.”
“What the fuck! Why?”
Jenn pulled the phone from her face and let out a smirk. She adjusted her feet one over the other and rested her shiny red heels on the table.
“Because I can.”
Across the line, well past the waves of space, Sarah’s hand tightened around the phone as her brain struggled to accept a new reality.
“I’m telling Mom!”
Sarah hung up her phone and immediately called her mom, Helen, who was in the middle of an intense debate as to what to have for dinner.
With two strong contenders, chicken stir fry or chicken pot pie, progress in the kitchen grounded to a halt when panic rang out. From deep into the confines of the living room, a strong roar startled the air.
“Oi! What the fuck happened to the Hulu account?”
Sitting in the Lazy Boy was Stan, Jenn’s father, who was now deprived of both being lazy and being a boy.
This coup d’etat that had occurred this evening woke a sleeping soldier.
With a downward push, the lazy boy clicked shut as Stan thundered into the kitchen.
“What the fuck happened to our Hulu? It said login denied . Did you change the password? “
Helen dropped her spatula and turned to Stan.
“What the hell are you talking about?“
Then – her phone rang.
“That bitch! Kicked me off Hulu!” Sarah hissed.
“Who did what?”
Helen put the phone on speaker and craned her chin towards Stan, and mouthed, “It’s Sarah.“
“Jenn!” Sarah cried out through the phone.
“Jenn did what? And don’t call your sister a bitch. She’s family.”
With palms planted firmly on the table and a steadily increasing heartbeat, Stan leaned over the table, and square-pegged, round-holed his way into the conversation.
“She kicked you off too! Are you fucking kidding me?” Stan roared.
Helen restrained herself from choking her husband and returned to the phone.
“Alright, alright, let’s just give her a call and see what’s going on.“
And then, she slapped her husband in the back of the head and finished with.
By now, Jenn was in full king-maker mode, having enjoyed a full glass of wine in the comfort of her posh, high-end apartment. And like a sicko, she smiled when she saw a call from her Mother. She held back a smirk.
“Hi hunny, it’s your mother….“
The call faded out as Stan, gruffly, moved the table and snatched the phone out of Helen’s hand.
“Listen Jenn; this is your father. I need the account immediately.”
Jenn pulled the phone from her face and smiled while wondering why they both started the call with an introduction to their relationship as if she wouldn’t know.
“Umm – Hi Mom… or Dad.“
Stan wiped the sweat from his eyes and pounded the table. Helen, now thoroughly annoyed, grabbed the phone back from Stan.
“Listen, sweetie, you’re literally killing your father. Can you give him access?”
“I don’t know what you are talking about?”
“Our Hulu account.”
Jenn smiled and twirled the wine in her glass.
“Ahhh, yes. “Our” Hulu account.“
The way she said “Our” had that particular infuriating coat of sarcasm that just pisses you off. She continued.
“Well, it really isn’t “ours” is it?” Jenn said, a cat toying with her mouse.
Her Mother, sensing the coup d’etat, dropped the happy Mother act.
“What are you talking about? It’s the family account.”
“Actually, it’s my account, and if you want it back, I have some demands.”
Helen pulled the phone to her shoulder, eyes now vicious, and turned to Stan.
“Do you see what your princess is doing?“
Stan pounded the table like a Judge to a gavel.
“Give me the phone,” Stan demanded of Helen, who happily handed it over.
“Ok… this is your father. What do you want?“
Jenn tapped her fingers on the desk; her coup d’etat happened so fast she hadn’t considered her demands. But now, experiencing the seed of an idea sprout, she smiled.
“That’s the thing….”
A nice, pregnant pause filled the air. Helen and Stan leaned forward.
“The one thing I want…is for it all to burn.”
For the first time in a long time, Helen and Stan shared a look of fear. The deep fear that comes with expectations not meeting reality. Stan steeled up.
“What the fuck are you talking about?… You know, I don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
Jenn applied lipstick to her mouth and resumed.
“I’m tired of being pushed into watching this or being suggested shows I have no interest in. This whole family-account thing is really throwing off the algorithm. So now, I’m taking back control.“
Now Stan and Helen, not fully understanding what the word “algorithm” means, responded with anger.
“Listen, I don’t work all day to hear about a damn algorithm. You know I don’t like dancing.”
Stan pounded the table with his fist while Jenn laughed.
“Oh, and by the way… check your calendar.”
Helen and Stan suspiciously checked their calendar.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. Have you ever got kicked off an account?