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Coffee, Chaos & The Lady In Pink

Coffee, Chaos & The Lady In Pink. When bubblegum barbie meets bohemian… | by Anthony Robert | Jun, 2023 | MuddyUm (medium.com)

Your heart sinks when you see her. 

She’s dressed head to toe in a pink jumpsuit, like she just bounced out of a Barbie-themed gym class teetering dangerously close to the coffee shop’s door.

She swings open the door and you wonder if this is the last peaceful sip you’ll take all day. She’s never seen a coffee shop like this before, and she’s about to let you know it.

“Hunny, do you SEE this place?” she trills, her voice ricocheting off the coffee-stained walls and onto the hush. Her husband nods and puts his hand on her shoulder. He’s been so beaten down, he’s practically a sidewalk.

Carissa’s Coffee is everything she’s not. The kind of place that’s more ‘Sip, Scowl, & Scribble.’ than ‘Live, Laugh, & Love.’It threw away its rose-tinted glasses for a pair a black Ray-Bans years ago.

The Lady In Pink is bursting with excitement and feels the need to share it with the world. Especially to the people who aren’t asking. She makes her way around the room.

“Do you have a backroom?” she asks while fixating on the backroom.

 “Are these counters made of wood?” she asks, while running her hand along the counters that are, indeed, made of wood.

She turns to the cashier, eyes wide as a saucer and asks, “Do you have food?” The cashier answers “yes” over a tower of bagels.

“Great! I’ll have coffee… you have cream and sugar, right?” she scrutinizes the cream and sugar stand as if it holds the secrets of the universe.

The cashier nods absently.

The Lady In Pink eases into a warm glow, having found a new hangout. She swiftly receives her coffee, smoke billowing from the top like a small volcanic eruption. And then, she utters seven words that change everything.

“Honey, I can see myself coming here.”

A writer drops his waffle, A barista fumbles her bagel. And a deafening silence falls over the room. The kind of silence where the buzz of a fly sounds like a fire engine.

And all of a sudden, a mad rush to the exit ensues. Writers trample each other and coffee spills onto keyboards as a mass exodus unfolds. As the last of the writers file out, the Lady In Pink looks around and asks — 

“You’re leaving?”

**

72 thoughts on “Coffee, Chaos & The Lady In Pink”

    2. This story is so amusing. As a woman that lives her life in a pretty consistent state of bliss, I know first hand how challenging it can be to be around me. Lol I highly doubt she’d have gone back, but if she did, I’d like to which writer stayed behind to figure her out (i.e. the perfect opportunity for random characterisation:)

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  5. Well-written portrait of “Lady in Pink.” And a good Monday morning chuckle and smile with my coffee at the quiet end of our dining room table.

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  7. Funny… the place for quiet writing has an “overly talkative INTRUDER!” Like being stuck on a place, hoping to snooze and we sit next to a talkative person who pulls out ALL their photos. LOL

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  10. Looks like mine is going to be the unpopular opinion here. I have to say I felt a bit uncomfortable reading that. I’m a writer and I love coffee shops, we have one near me that’s a tiny Tudor building so you can imagine what it’s like. But I wear pink and I’m bubbly and expressive. I ask silly questions and I give compliments to strangers. (My husband finds me hot and whimsical so there was that disparity.) But this is very much the culture of today; femininity, girlishness, pink…it’s all frowned upon isn’t it? I must be a representative of something that just ruins the authenticity of the world for intellectual people in their oh-so-intelligent muted browns and beiges. I wish I could say I’ll feel self-conscious the next time I walk into a quaint coffee shop and see people eyeing me despairingly. But I won’t, I like me just fine and if my presence somehow dampens someone’s understanding of their environment, I guess that’s on them.

    I’m not trying to be bitchy, but you asked for opinions both good and bad.

    The writing quality was sound and I read it to the end so it clearly gripped me. It was also thought-provoking enough to make me want to comment so that’s a win too. Nice short story all around.

    Also, isn’t it ‘*Live* Laugh, Love’? 😉

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    1. Ha it should be! It’s updated on my website-

      And don’t worry this is all satire, when I go to bars // coffee places I talk to strangers and actually look forward to it.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

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    1. I actually wasn’t – went to coffee shop recently and thought it was a funny topic. If I was smart, I would usually pop culture more – although you may have just inspired me! Thanks for reading

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    1. Only for those incapable of dealing with a woman like that 😂😂 That’s why I find it so amusing!!! She enters a coffee shop and men flee in fear! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

      Thank you SO much for this short story. It has been a highlight of my day lol

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      3. Thanks for posting! This is the first WordPress blog I’ve decided to follow just from the quality of your story AND the engaging comments.

        I don’t know if you hear it a lot, but keep on keeping on. You’ve inspired me:)

      4. Oh thanks so much! I’m trying to -the goal is to be a full time author. But I’m so happy to have you as a reader – for you or anyone who reads this- whatever types of stories you want to read, just let me know!

        And keep going yourself =) this comment made me happy!

      5. I will definitely let you know. I’m also an aspiring romance/ erotica author (working on a collection of short stories now, but it’s something I want so much, it almost paralyses me lol).

        And you deserve the praise. Your post and my engagement with yourself and your other followers, really made my day.

        Over and out [mic drop] lol

        P.S.- That was my attempt at a little joke 🙂

  16. Fascinating. I do have a weakness for ladies who dress stellar and sharp, I bet she was looking good in that pink jumpsuit🔥🔥🔥😂, just saying since I am a fashionable man myself

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  19. Oh yes, we’ve all encountered a “Lady in Pink” in our beloved quiet coffee shops before! Exquisitely observed Anthony and brilliantly written! 👌👌👏👏😂😂

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