Life

A Simple Trick for Forgiving Your Enemies

Recently, I’ve been feeling like a volcano, ready to explode.

Whether it was the unresolved issue I had with my business, the uncomfortable run-in with a former trusted friend, or even the fact that I had the pleasure of buying a new set of tires — (entirely against my will — mind you ) lately it feels as if life has been treating me like a footstool and I’m on my hand’s and knees propping it all up.

And as I could feel my anger slowly rising, like magma racing towards the surface, I had to take a step back and acknowledge a truth.

Being angry hurts me the most. (Just like it hurts you the most)

And being angry all the time is one Hell of a motivator to not want to be angry ever again.

So, in the middle of having one of those imaginary arguments (the ones where you envision every possible way an argument could go down, like a director scripting a drama.) I was reminded of a calming truth: Forgiveness will set you free.

But how in the hell do you forgive someone you’re convinced is your mortal enemy? Well, I’ve got a stupidly simple trick that’s more effective than a shot of whiskey.

Think of three things you *actually* like about them.

Three’s a Company

Yep, that’s the secret; think of three things you *actually* like about the person who is causing you stress. Just three. It’s like a little mental interruption that shifts your focus from the annoying to the admirable.

Take, for instance, that familiar friend-turned-foe situation. Try to remember how they made you laugh like nobody else can or the times they went above and beyond for you. Heck, maybe they just consistently ask about your parents, and you appreciate that.  Think three things, and suddenly, the whole narrative changes. They’re no longer the person you can’t stand. They’re a friend you’ve lost touch with. It happens all the time, and it’s super easy to fix.

Use it With Work

Have you ever had a coworker who makes your blood pressure rise faster than a Jet racing towards takeoff? Apply the rule of three and watch the anger dissipate. Maybe you realize they’re genuinely passionate about their work, or you appreciate their sense of humor that lightens up tense moments. Or it could be that they’ve listened to you when it mattered. Whatever it is, focusing on the three things you *actually* appreciate transforms the entire dynamic.

What about Family?

Ahh family, the drama of our lives. I think today, now more than ever, having a healthy relationship with your family is as hard as it’s ever been. With social media, temptation and comparison are in your face more than ever before.

But like any relationship, what you put into it is what you get out of it.

Next time you feel sour about your spouse or fickle about your family, think of the three true reasons you *actually* love them. It’ll instantly change the whole story and make you appreciate them… even if they annoy you.

It Stems on Actually.

It all comes down to the annoying word “actually.” In moments of stress, idealism won’t cut it because you’re too pissed off to believe your own BS. So be truthful with yourself — dig deep and recall those moments when a genuine smile naturally appeared on your face around them.

It doesn’t have to be profound either; people appreciate the silliest things about each other, from mismatched socks to peculiar food-ordering habits. If it made you like them and brought joy, hold onto that.

Forgiveness is just as much feeling as it is thinking.

Three Is a Magic Number

Now, I don’t know why, but three is a magical number. Good things come in threes; we get three wishes when we rub the lamp, and  of course, there’s the holy trinity — Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. So instead of dwelling on the idea that three strikes and you’re out, embrace the idea of three reasons they’re in. And soon you’ll find yourself on the road to forgiving your enemies.

 

If you found this helpful, please like, comment, and share with someone who might find this helpful! Also – if you want me to write for you – let’s talk. Anthony@anthonyrobertagency.com

42 thoughts on “A Simple Trick for Forgiving Your Enemies”

  2. I needed this at this moment. I’m going to give it a shot because nothing else seems to work for long.

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  3. I really value this post as I admittedly still struggle with forgiveness- maybe even my concept of it. I aim to truly embrace it and allow it to be freeing for me. Thank you for sharing this and connecting forgiveness to emotions like anger. It is tricky but I like theses ideas!

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  5. Thanks so much for the tips. I had been struggling a lot with forgiveness recently. I ended up writing each of them letters ending with “not for you but for me, I forgive you”, then burnt those pieces of papers, releasing the forgiveness to the universe. Now it’s one family member, that I can’t seem to forgive and tears flow everytime I even try to remember a happy memory with this person.

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  8. I love this! And it is so full of synchronicities for me too! I just wrote about “things come in threes” (in my post yesterday I think). But it’s usually deaths. Thankfully, very thankfully this time, two of the three weren’t deaths but only short hospitalizations! Ugh
    I will definitely integrate your advice the next time I feel anger welling up in me. I have written before that when we can love our perceived enemies, everything else becomes easy!

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  11. My best friend and I used to joke that there was a morning meeting of people intent on pissing us off. I’m seeing her today and absolutely sharing with her than when they strike we should simply pause and think of three good things about them. If for no other reason than we love a challenge. Seriously, though, thank you for making me pause and remember my own advice to shift out of those negative spaces I for some reason take so much joy in digging myself into.

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  12. Good post, we’ve ALL had those angry moments and it is hard to move on. I’m not sure I could do the “like three things about them though.” My tactic is to REMEMBER they are probably not even aware of how mad I am, they are enjoying themselves somewhere. LOL. Then I ask myself, in the scheme of things, is it worth getting sick over this? Finally, I ready a book once where the author said, “I release you with love and set you free.” She would say that when she needed to release someone from her thoughts. Keep repeating that. The thought was, we can only regain our happiness if we are not holding a grudge against someone. So by “wishing them well,” when we keep repeating this… at some point, they don’t take up space in our mind anymore. AND there is now space in our mind for NEW happy things to come and move us where we REALLY want to be! Here’s to releasing anger!!

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  14. Thanks for the good tip, I’ll keep it in mind.

    And there is a larger truth here. I feel like this trick is especially good for what I would call low intensity scenarios, where what you are feeling is much closer to annoyance than hatred, and where enemy might feel like too strong a word, perhaps.

    But, even for those high intensity animosities, with a real history involving hard trauma, the power of forgiveness is something truly amazing. We buck at the suggestion that we should forgive somebody who has seriously harmed us, even intentionally, but the key insight, I believe, is that the person who most benefits from the act of forgiving is the person doing it, not the person who wronged you. Because it’s the most important step towards letting go of that weight on your shoulders, of moving through and beyond the hangover of that trauma.

    Something to think about.

    Thanks again, Anthony. Best wishes to you and all your readers.

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  18. You have given lovely piece of advice in this post. There are times when I am angry on someone and I don’t know how to vent it out. At times, it comes out on the wrong person at the right time. Moreover, anger harms us more than the person we are angry with.

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  19. It wasn’t the rule of three, although I love that, that did it for me. As I’ve aged I learnt that anger and hatred were eating me up while the target(s) of the emotions probably hadn’t given me a sustained thought in days, months, maybe even years. I finally managed to let it go and find myself happy as I ride off into the sunset. Nothing is important enough to make you boil and simmer over slights and hurtful words.

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