My friend Samantha is someone the mean girls would probably love to hate.
She’s got it all: the beautiful face, the supportive family, the thriving career, and a recent happily-ever-after wedding. She’s PTO perfection with a capital pedicure.
Samantha’s life is comfortable.
When she’s hungry, she orders food, and it shows up at her door.
When she’s bored, she simply sits on the couch and chooses from one of the hundreds of TV shows just waiting for her to watch.
And shopping, no need to leave her home – it all gets delivered to her, so she doesn’t have to move.
In short, she’s got it made. Yet, lurking just beneath this picture-perfect life lies a storm cloud threatening to burst at any moment.
She’s so thoroughly comfortable with her routine of life that her days have become more monotonous than the office work she does.
Samantha’s pursuit of comfort has made her lazy. She’s so comfortable that the thought of doing anything hard makes her retreat. Yet she talks about wanting to change and do more, but she’s so thoroughly stuck in her comfortable life that she doesn’t change. And wanting to change but not taking action only leads to resentment, the feeling that I could be so much more. Even worse, because she hasn’t had a real challenge in ages, Samantha is slowly not appreciating the good she has in her life. After all, you need bad days to appreciate good days.
The scary thing is that Samantha isn’t some anomaly.
She’s you. She’s me.
Sound familiar right? Ever caught yourself trapped in the relentless cycle of wake up, work, home, TV, repeat?
So, one day bleeds into the next, the days become weeks, weeks become years, and nothing ever changes.
We’re comfortable yet anything but. Full but empty. Not too hot, not too cold, but just lukewarm – so much so that even Goldilocks and her three bears would skip over you.
I guess what I’m saying is we all suffer from the curse of comfort from time to time.
The Curse of Comfort
Now, doesn’t that sound weird? The curse of comfort. It’s such a weird thing to say, “I’m suffering because I’m too damn comfortable.” Yeah, tell that to someone who is starving. #firstworldproblems. But it’s true: too much comfort can be a curse. You see, comfort’s a sneaky little bastard. It lulls you into this false sense of security and illusion that everything is fine and you deserve to be cozy. But the truth is comfort’s a cage. A gilded cage, sure, but a cage nonetheless. We get so damn comfy that the thought of shaking things up sends shivers down our spines. We get so comfortable that we struggle to do things that make a difference in our lives and make life memorable. We think comfort will make us happy, but that’s the furthest thing from the truth.
The Human Happiness Connection
So why is Samantha, someone who’s got it going on, so damn sad? Well, it’s because she’s so comforted; she’s not challenged. She’s not growing. And when you don’t feel challenged or growing, you’re usually not happy.
Humans are weird – we actually need a little bit of suffering to appreciate our happiness. Just like how a sunny day after a rainy day makes it feel that much better, your life and comfort work the same way. You actually need a little bit of suffering to be happier. You know that workout? Thinking about doing it is a drag. I mean, who’s really excited to drive to the gym and put your body in pain for an hour? But when you’re done and on the drive home, more often than not, you’re happy you did it. Weird right? Or cleaning the house? Sure, doesn’t exactly sound as fun as watching TV. But damn, does it ever feel good the next day waking up to a clean house. Or even your creative work. I can tell you for a fact I don’t always look forward to writing. Why would I? It’s hard, and I’m human. I’d rather be lazy. But time and time again, I feel fulfilled when I’m done. It’s because I suffered through the struggle and have something to show for it – that’s why it makes me happy. And hearing from you makes it that much better.
Without challenges in life, we never give ourselves the rainy days to appreciate the sunny ones fully. Happiness comes from growth, not comfort.
The Lie of Comfort
Growing up, we’re all told to seek comfort. Go buy the biggest, comfiest couch. Throw on those extra fuzzy PJs. Grab a blanket and relax; you’ll feel better. We’re always trying to seek comfort as if it was the last phone charger on Earth. But a lesson I’m reminded of time and time again is everything in moderation. Comfort itself isn’t inherently bad, but if it’s all you seek, there’s downsides.
Constantly chasing comfort is like eating a whole tub of ice cream – feels good in the moment but leaves you with a brain freeze and an emergency trip to the bathroom. Trust me.
Which is why you need to regulate it. It has a place in your life, but it’s not the main place. I believe you should earn your comfort, not seek it. Because if you have too much comfort, you become soft and squishy – mentally and physically.
How to Overcome
The way to overcome Samantha’s malaise is to simply take action. Unadulterated, glorious action. It’s researching that business idea. It’s doing ten push-ups during commercials (because hey, baby steps). It’s putting yourself out there, even if it scares the living crap out of you. And it’s taking the first step even when you don’t want to walk.
Sure it’s going to feel tough at first, but it’s only after you take action that you’ll feel the reward. Samantha simply resents herself because she hasn’t had a hard day to appreciate the good in her life. And when you don’t appreciate what you have, overtime you become numb.
It’s All About Balance
Now, there’s no need to throw on your jogging shoes and run a marathon when you haven’t run one mile. And there’s no need to start taking cold showers just because you saw someone on Instagram do it and humblebrag. It’s a matter of making time to work on your dreams while giving yourself the reward when you’re done.
Chasing comfort is ultimately like a dessert. You eat them after you eat your vegetables, not the other way around.
If you worked on your goals, then at the end of the day, you should watch Netflix and zone out. You should recharge your batteries when your batteries need to be recharged. But if you’re constantly recharging your batteries without the need to, don’t be surprised when your batteries burn out.
Find the balance, my friends, and escape the curse of comfort.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think.
Love it! I almost hated Samantha, until Samantha’s life sounded so boring. 😂
I guess we all have that Samantha inside our brains. Thank you for sharing! 👍
She’s all of us at times lol yeah I got envious too! Thank you for reading
Excellent! And so true. I was in the comfort zone for years. Then boom! My life as I knew it suddenly ended in a burnout. Which made me restart many things from zero. TV and social media numbs you, unless you are at the creative end of the stick. Questioning your choices is hard, making changes happen is even harder. But sometimes it’s the only way out.
Mixed emotions on this post. I think of growing up, to many families, the curse of comfort was a good thing, it meant happiness, it meant stability, it meant you made it. Some people are happy at that stage, they don’t need more. My sense is that your post is really talking about laziness and no higher goals = BOREDOM and RESTLESSNESS in life. OR it’s talking about, “WHAT is HAPPINESS?”
Ahh I appreciate your feedback – it actually made me adjust my points. I think what I’m trying to say is if you get too comfortable you get lazy and by always being comfortable you don’t appreciate the good you have.
Yes, there has to be that constant balance of moving forward not being stagnant.
Good advice, a lot of food for thought.
The subject is indeed important! For the human mind is capable of being excited without the application of gross and violent stimulants; and (he/she) must have a very faint perception of its beauty and dignity who does not know this, and who does not further know, that one being is elevated above another, in proportion as he possesses this capability . . . (A) multitude of causes, unknown to former times, are now acting with combined force to blunt the discriminating powers of the mind, and unfitting it for all voluntary exertion to reduce it to a state of almost savage torpor. The most effective of these causes are the great national events which are daily taking place, and the increasing accumulation of (men/women) in cities, where the uniformity of their occupations produces a craving for extraordinary incident, which the rapid communication of intelligence hourly gratifies. To this tendency of life and manners the literature and theatrical exhibitions of the country have conformed themselves.
I read this this morning and then read your post. The two seem to go hand in hand. Oh, and the writer? William Wordsworth, preface to Lyrical Ballads (1802).
The subject is indeed important! For the human mind is capable of being excited without the application of gross and violent stimulants; and (he/she) must have a very faint perception of its beauty and dignity who does not know this, and who does not further know, that one being is elevated above another, in proportion as he possesses this capability . . . (A) multitude of causes, unknown to former times, are now acting with combined force to blunt the discriminating powers of the mind, and unfitting it for all voluntary exertion to reduce it to a state of almost savage torpor. The most effective of these causes are the great national events which are daily taking place, and the increasing accumulation of (men/women) in cities, where the uniformity of their occupations produces a craving for extraordinary incident, which the rapid communication of intelligence hourly gratifies. To this tendency of life and manners the literature and theatrical exhibitions of the country have conformed themselves.
I read this this morning, and then read your post. The two seem to go hand in hand. The writer? William Wordsworth, preface to Lyrical Ballads, 1802 edition.
So much truth here, Sir! I get so sick of myself talking about doing the things and not actually taking steps to do the things. I’m working on it though. There’s a lot of wisdom in going about it via the baby step method, which is what I’ve embraced in 2024.
One step at a time- it really does all add up you got this
Good post yes we are weird we are crazy 🤣 too well 😂 shared
I really enjoyed this Tony Bologna!
Thank you so much my friend!
OMG I feel seen.
So happy you do, thanks for reading!
Wonderful post Tony. I love your humor and honesty. Thank you. This is a great “first-world-problem” topic. My friends and I have discussions around this often. I’ll be checking in on your posts again. wisdom wrapped in taffy. yummm.
Wisdom wrapped in taffy – I love that! Thank you for the kind words
Challenged
Thank you for reading!
We only learn lessons when we get hurt or lose money. Comfort does neither. As a human, I wasn’t created to huddle under the blankets and stay warm? Get uncomfortable!
damn right we weren’t thank you so much
Tony. I’d like to link this post on my blog with your permission. It totally relates to the post I have written about happiness and comfort. Please let me know if it is okay. Thanks, Diana
By all means, link away! So happy you enjoyed
thank you so much.
Thank YOU for sharing
check out my blog post today. You are in the first paragraph.
will do! thank you again
Well said, Tony. Thanks for the wisdom.
Why would we want life’s journey to be linear? The twists and turns are where we open up to new experiences and learning. Everything is impermanent: joys and sorrows, pain and pleasure. Life is about Change, otherwise we become dull.
It’s the simple pleasures that delight: nature, birds, that first sip of coffee in the morning.
Here’s some lines from Rumi’s poem, The Guest House: “This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.” We are to embrace it all!
Love it! thank you so much! and love the poem
Ah! You’ve catagorised and named that restlessness I feel when all has been well for a time. Spot on and good insight into the human condition. I really enjoy reading your literary offerings Rob.
Thank you so much! Really appreciate reading this
Keeping ahead of that Darwinian grave-making custom is indeed the prompt to endure or be devoured by the nearest crocodile. Many simply do not know that samsara is indeed nirvana–I point to hiking as the example, if not for you, then only for myself. Many glance at the maze they are born within with dualistic eyes, dividing the one into two. I better go before I began yacking on about Yorick.
When you stop striving, you start dying. Or at least start dying faster.
100 percent tie
“Yet, lurking just beneath this picture-perfect life lies a storm cloud threatening to burst at any moment.”
I love this line! It creates such intensity. Beautiful.