You pull up to the intersection with a fat frown on your face.
To your right is one daredevil, one foot on the sidewalk, one foot on the road, apparently daring you to run him over. To your left is someone so deep in their phone you wonder if you should throw them a rope and help them get out.
The man on the sidewalk is impatient with a capital “I gotta go somewhere.” His face is twitching with the agitation that only comes when someone thinks the world is too slow for their too-fast life.
So, reluctantly, you stop and wave him forward. But then, like a cruel joke on a Sunday morning, the man has a change of heart. He motions for you to go, his foot still on the road, oblivious to the red light behind him, apparently daring you to play chicken. You frown.
What does this idiot want you to do? Turn him into a pancake? You wave it off. “No, you go,” you silently plead with a wave.
Your politeness is apparently insulting. The man’s eyes dilate, not quite believing the courtesy he was given. He acts like a crosswalk guard with a busload of school children and points at you with two hands: one at you, the other at your car. It’s silent but it screams, “No, you go!”
Now you’re confused. You can’t go anyway… the light’s still red. So you wave him off like a man telling the waiter he’s so full he couldn’t possibly order dessert. Then you motion for him to go. This time, your eyebrows are raised like a teacher who caught someone talking during a test for that added insult.
The man takes a step back on the sidewalk. He can’t believe your generosity. Rather, he can’t accept your generosity. This time, he takes both hands, like an air traffic controller, and karate chops down back and forth, demanding that you go first. It’s still silent but screams, “Hey, fuck face, you go!”
You bite your lip, grip the steering wheel, and frown. You raise a hand and point to the red light, and shrug. Then you point to him, make the walking sign with your fingers and “walk” across the steering wheel and point to him once more.
The man, clearly impressed by your sign language, is so wowed that he brings his hands to his head and starts tugging his hair. His face melts as if he were a ghost, and he screams, “NO, YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!”
You turn to the driver on the left and laugh, then shake your head. She’s still on her phone. You point to the red light and cross your arms. Then the man takes his hand, slaps his chest, and mouths, “Fine, I’ll go!” and marches forward.
Just then, the red light suddenly turns green as he walks on the road and is immediately pounded by a chorus of horns. He skates off back to the sidewalk, as you drive forward, eyes on the rearview, wondering if the lost sheep will ever find his way.
Have you met this idiot?
Not met personally as I don’t drive. But I have witnessed it.
Hahah it’s a wonderful, weird world
Yes. 😁
All the time but at the crossing to entrance to the bus station…
That’s so annoying lol – thanks for reading
😆 🤣 😂 😹
Thank you
Interesting post. It actually happens with most of us many times
I beleive it
wow so relatable, people are so strange at times.
Keeps life interesting that’s for sure – thanks for reading!
You know in DC, pedestrians just cross the street. Doesn’t really matter if it’s a marked or unmarked crosswalk, and drivers have to stop at all times.
I was so confused at first and called all pedestrians idiots, until someone told me it’s a state law. 😳
Jeeze that would drive me Crazy! Thanks for reading
AHHHH! Or that moment when you’re letting someone go, and they refuse to. You then decide “well, eff it, I’ll go. Thank you.” and then THEY try to go! Just fippin’ GO THEN!!!
Happens all the time! Thank you for reading
Even as a person using a guide dog…I’ve “seen” that guy.
Hahah they’re a plentiful -thanks for reading!
The town post office occupies the corner of Main and Center. There is a cross walk with lights at the corner but the entrance to the post office is on Main Street. The people who park across the street feel that they have the right of way to walk in front of any cars that are approaching no matter the speed. If you know humans, you know they ALWAYS want to beat the light! There are always those drivers that stop and let them cross. Ha! Not me! I don’t speed, but I also, don’t put on my brakes.
When I have to park and cross, I avoid the eyes of the cars passing because I don’t want them to stop for me. I’d rather just wait until traffic is clear.
Hey Tony! Loved your article about encountering that idiot at the intersection. It’s so relatable and had me laughing. Keep up the great work with your honest and satirical observations! Looking forward to reading more. Cheers!
Definitely a new one for me, and I attract idiots.
Hahaha
Attract idiots is a funny phrase
Bright lights always seem to have bugs, right? 🙂
Hahah very clever
Thin the herd. Oh my goodness, what a story. 😂🤣
Hahaha
Yes, sadly, I know that idiot. He has a lot of like-minded friends.
Funny stuff, man!
Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed!
Hilarious the way you relate everyday, seemingly insignificant little incidents Rob. Much of what you write is so relatable, irrespective of which side of the road one is on. Please continue putting out your literary offerings for us mortals to feast on.
I will! Thank you so much, all your comments have made my morning so much better!
Good job you had patience.
Gwen.
No really, I haven’t met, but it sounds so familiar
Hahah you’re a lucky guy!
In order to avoid things like that, I have a new rule – if I wave you to go and then you wave me to go, I go, preventing any further confusion and delays.