Life is cosmically funny.
Especially when it sends two Jehovah’s Witnesses to your door just as you’re screaming obscenities at your computer.
The whole ordeal started six months ago when two impeccably dressed Witnesses knocked on my door on a random Tuesday morning.
They wanted to share the Good Word, and although I don’t have any intention of joining their church if someone knocks on my door wanting to share a Bible verse, I guess I’d feel like an asshole if I told them to kick rocks. And truthfully, I have been reading the Bible lately and was eager to discuss what I know.
I tend to think religion is a giant game of telephone—and it’s time for me to stop taking other people’s word for it and read it so I can form my own.
So when they showed up, I was ready for the conversation, eager even. While solicitation is generally annoying—right up there with finding expired yogurt in the fridge right when you’re hungry or driving your car next to an over-eager cyclist—this was welcomed. We met one time, and I told them to come back whenever they’re in the area.
They did.
So over the past six months, every four weeks or so, a Jehovah’s Witness has knocked on my door, usually with what I think is a new recruit, and asked to share a Bible verse with me, which I gleefully obliged.
Anyway, the latest morning they came was a Friday, and I was at work. The morning had been so rough that I started to question my career. I was on hour two of a conversation that should have lasted one minute with a person who truly couldn’t take no for an answer.
For context, I manage a program, and I was trying not to explode at my coworker who had, by my count, asked me the same question 100 different ways, each time managing to ignore my very clear, very consistent answer: “No, you can’t do that.”
By this time, my patience was so thin it was balding. My pencil was snapped, and my normally steely emotional control was dancing in flames.
So when I got the same question for the 101st time that morning, I did what any sane person would do:
I screamed at an inanimate object.
“WILL YOU QUIT FUCKING BOTHERING ME?!”
The birds flew from the trees.
As fate would have it, at that exact moment, I heard my doorbell ring out throughout my house. It was the Jehovah’s Witness who rang my bell.
He was with a new guy—I’d never seen him before, but I’m certain he saw me.
As the promise, broken.
What’s most funny to me is how I imagine the ramp-up. The conversation they must have had before they were told to fuck off at my door:
“Tony’s great,” the veteran might have said. “He’s open to the Word. I think he’s really coming around. You’ll see.”
I was supposed to be the bright spot on a day full of rejections. The soft glimmer of hope that keeps someone going.
Yet, when they came to my door, the only thing they heard was, “Will you quit fuckin’ bothering me?!”
And they did.
Immediately.
They scurried off the porch, headed to their car, and spun off down the road, heads I can only imagine hung low.
And as my rage for my coworker suddenly cooled off, I felt like an asshole.
And this, my friends, is my true Jehovah’s Witness story.
Life is comically funny, but sometimes you’re the joke.
Please, like, comment, share, and tell me what you think. The silver lining? I actually have the JW’s number. I texted him and told him I was yelling at my coworker. We laughed, and he’s come back since.
What’s your favorite awkward moment?
I understand feeling bad at how we can use our voices here and there; but I will say every overpaying person living in America has the right to have peace in their homes. Frankly as long as I can remember, the Jehovah Witness community has shown very little respect for people’s peace of mind while at home. Even if I’m doing nothing at home, I’m doing something and I want to be left to do it. Nice work.
Hahah thank you, yeah there’s an art to knocking doors, I think they’re just trying to spread the word -but anyone is more successful when you filter out who’s interested. Either way, I appreciate you reading
Awwwe. I am so sorry. But I cracked up laughing all through this as I was reading your post because I was imagining the scenario on both sides – you screaming obscenities and them on the other side of the door thinking, oh crap.
Tears have been running down my face through laughing. What bad timing for you and the JW.
That’s good you were both able to laugh about it when you explained what was going off.
Hahah thank you, yeah it’s a funny story I think for both parties, awkward moments are always the best
I find it very sweet that you texted your visitor to explain you weren’t yelling at him. Nice!
Hahah never want to burn bridges
Connected in mind with them right now, and all is well 😊💚
All is well!
First, thank you for visiting my sight. After reading this, I can see how my “Rowboat, Motorboat, Sailboat” article might have been of interest. I too, enjoyed reading this true story. When you called him, he was probably surprised you didn’t mean them after all! They probably do get those reactions. Probably every day. But glad you’re checking the scriptures for yourself. It is important. I’ll be reading more.
So happy you enjoyed, thank you so much!
Possibly you were saved by God himself from those false teachers .
I appreciate you reading!!
This made me laugh. Wherever we’ve lived in the UK we’ve always had Jehovah’s Witnesses knock on the door. Where we are now is only a couple of miles from their hall, so I’m surprised we don’t get them more often. There’s also a picturesque spot next to the river in town, right by the most popular supermarket, and a couple of them are always sitting there, greeting passers-by. I have to admire thei tenacity, and am always polite but resistant to their advances. Imagining their reaction to what seemed your reaction to them is amusing though. 😂 Thanks for sharing. 🙂
So happy you enjoyed, I kind of admire it too, it takes someone with thick skin to knock on doors
No kidding. I wouldn’t do it if you paid me! Respect to them. 🙂
Oops, lol.
Basically hahah
Life def has a sense of humor. Good job with the introspection though, not many would have texted to explain.
I always let them talk too. I’ll first say, you won’t convert me but you’re on a quest that means a lot to you. So… my ears are open.
I think that’s a totally fair and kind way to approach it
You are only the second person I’ve know who has willingly talked To JWs.
One day you’ll meet a third! Thanks for reading
I’m so sorry it worked out that way. Personally, I have little patience for that sort of thing. You are much kinder than me. I’m not rude, but I am blunt with them.
I must admit, I did laugh so much as this is very close to home, not literally, but I’ve certainly had a lot of ear bashing from the JW’s especially as my Sister is one, in the ministry. I’m not, I’m Christian so we do bounce off each other do it speak, like rubber bslls thrown at the wall! Lol she gets so annoyed if I disagree with her and she refuses to listen to what I believe in! I dint think they meant to be like that. I’ve had other JW’s at my door, quick to tell them my sisters a JW so I get a lot of info and magazines and then tell them my views and they too say they not like that nor should my sister be! It’s quite upsetting, it’s caused a divide between us. I too have yelled out (not obscenities) bit more reserved but still, none the less a bit offensive, “oh I wish you lot would leave me alone, I get it enough from my sister, then tell them why. My sister lives opposite end of country to me su dint see her much. I love her dearly but not her beliefs in trying to convert the whole family seems to be their goal. I’ll never become one. I have my beliefs, pray daily, read the Bible, Gid is my Saviour, literally clutched me from the claws of death, su I’m not turning my back on what I believe and the person I am closest to for saving me so many times in my life, from childhood. Tbh I too have felt like saying it how I see it, how I feel but can’t as it’s too close for comfort to speak up! Not that I’m allowed to but I laughed su much reading your post, I could just see their faces, I’ve seen that before on my sisters face, so well done for sticking to what you belting and fir being so kind and considerate in explaining it to them. They pretend it doesn’t affect them as they are not allowed to get angry, lose their temper but my sister sure does, well she does with me!
Hahah I’m so happy you enjoyed and yeah I can only imagine the conversations you must have! Thank you so much for reading and sharing with me, have a great night!
You’re welcome. You said what I sometimes feel
Like saying (I don’t swear though) or try not to. It was so true, can happen to anyone and yes, we do have some awkward conversations, in fact, sister can hardly talk about anything else other than her JW and the ministry, happily pointing out that I’m wrong, she’s right and she lives in “the Truth” accusing me of not. You too have a great night wherever you are
Lol its a brother sister thing and to be honest probably you would do the same if you were in her shoes. Yes she doesn’t have to be angry at you, but that relation you share is deeper and that is the similar ones used in hospitals that restricts people who have relations to operate on each other. The best is if you want to have JWs and discuss about the good word then let it not be your sister and you will have great conversations. I don’t blame you nor your sister but it seems that the two of you despite religious views you deeply care for each other. And for that I applaud you.
Grace yes in all probability is pure religion. If that isn’t your motivation to display Grace, then you’re probably functioning on the end justifies the means so, and since we justify ourselves on our intentions, we go unjustified in our conversations often.
Wow, that’s something indeed. You have done what a lot find difficult. You see with the moment you said it, while by coincidence they were by your door, how they reacted? People just because were share different views that does not mean lets resort to rudeness, I don’t me your story Anthony, but if you don’t like them visiting you and mostly when they knock on your door, simply have the conversation and tell them not to come to your door just because you don’t like all that and they will leave you in peace.
Funny story. Keep reading the Bible, but don’t expect a lot of help from your JW friends. But if you really want to know the truth, keep reading and asking God to lead you. He will always give clarity to hearts that are truly hunting for truth. John 14:6.
Well, you take Revelation, these Jehovah Witnesses try to prove their religion by reading it, when in reality it’s supposed to be taken figuratively. They say you must be part of the 144,000 to be saved. In order to be part of it you must follow some cult like practices. So they take revelation for real, but yet they say that you must take 144,000 figuratively, because many Jehovah Witnesses are able to be part of salvation, which is way more than 144,000. Besides, who’d even be attracted to such a life? No enjoyment?
It’s interesting Forsure – I know for me, I wouldn’t want to be a JW – but if someone wants to read me a bible verse, I’ll listen
I think you have a really cool way of approaching life. An open mid, checking stuff out for yourself and sprinkle EVERYTHING with a buttload of humor! Thumbs up!
Thanks so much, means a lot
Ha! Another instance of being in the right place at the wrong time. I had one of those. I was managing a fast food restaraunt in Harvey Ill. My family lived nearby and and sometimes my uncle or grandparents would stop by. One day I was at the drive-thru window when a blond pulls up in a small black convertible. Now my sister is a blond and drove the same type of car. Thinking it was her, I came up with the wise crack, “What the hell are you doing here??”! She stared up at me in frightened disbelief! I looked down and her and realized…. this isn’t my sister!!! I quickly apologized and explained I thought she was my sister and I was just joking. I think she believed me????
That story is great! I’ve done something like that too with my cousin – I think she did, it’s probably a funny story for her too