Life

Your Fear of Failure isn’t the Problem. This is.

Call me naïve, but I never understood the fear of failure.

How the thought of losing something can scare someone into inaction.

And maybe it’s because, well, I fail all the time.

I can hardly get dressed without wearing matching socks – a criminal offense by the fashion police.

I tried out for football and made first string, bench rider. The splinters are still stuck somewhere in my ass.

And at the time of this writing, I’m querying my book and have had far more no’s than yes’s.

Another fail.

By any standards, I can say I’ve failed over and over again, and by the end of today, I will likely fail at one more thing.

Because failing is simple. It’s just not getting what you wanted and it happens all the time.

You wake up late and miss your morning coffee.

Fail.

You pick the wrong line at the grocery store, and get stuck behind  some guy with a thousand coupons.

Annoying Fail.

You accidentally step in mud and ruin your new shoes.

Fail.

Failure? It’s everywhere. It’s not special, and you likely don’t fear it. But what you do fear is embarrassment. You know, looking like an idiot to other people, that’s what really screws with you.

But the good news is, there’s a way to deal with it.

My epic stand-up comedy fail

Years ago, I got the bright idea to give stand-up comedy a shot.

As you know – I like writing comedy – but performing comedy? To actually see when people laugh? That seemed like the new mountain to climb.

So one day, one of my friends told me he was going to try stand-up. I told him I would do it with him, and a hobby was born.

On our very first night, something miraculous happened – it worked.

We both got laughs and, even better, we were invited to do a private show.

We did the show – and  again, more miracles. We had laughs and started to think this was something we could do.

After many more stand-up nights, I had an opportunity to do something I never did before – be the opener. In other words, be the unlucky bastard who has to go first.

And being an opener, I would learn, is a different animal.

You’re the person who’s supposed to break the ice and get people to pull the proverbial stick out of their ass and lighten up. And being the opener, you’re dealing with some high expectations.

The crowd wants you to be funny, the other comedians need you to do good, and, of course, the business owner doesn’t want to pay someone who drives the crowd away.

It’s a tall order for a newbie. 

Unfortunately for me, I didn’t do a good job.

I bombed – epically so. The crowd was mummified, not a smile was cracked, and in the back of my mind, I couldn’t wait to get off stage, with my eyes constantly looking for the flash of light to bail me out.

It was, in fact, very embarrassing.

My friend’s epic fail, too

My buddy, who started stand-up with me, also bombed that night. No laughs, no love, and a couple of people walked out mid-set.

The difference? I got pissed. He got embarrassed.

For me, the embarrassment was fuel. It lit a fire under my ass to figure out what went wrong and get better. I spent my time writing jokes and practicing for hours on end until I felt confident in my abilities.

For him, it was game over. He never set foot on stage again.

And that’s the thing about embarrassment: it’s not the failure that stops you—it’s what you do with it that matters.

Why embarrassment owns you

Here’s the harsh truth: embarrassment happens when you care too much about what other people think and not enough about what you think. It’s like handing out free tickets to your self-esteem and letting the whole world take a seat.

But the reality is, you can’t control people’s opinions. You can’t even come close. So why give them that much power?

Why let the fear of someone’s raised eyebrow dictate what you do with your life?

It’s totally normal to feel embarrassed from time to time—hell, I’d argue it’s even expected—but you don’t have to let embarrassing moments stop you.

If you let it stop you, you’re essentially saying that someone who is not living your life gets to control your self-esteem.

It’s a losing business.

 How to overcome embarrassment

Embarrassment isn’t something you can truly rid yourself of because, alas,  you’re human.

Much like any emotion like happiness, jealousy, rage, or melancholy, you were designed to feel, so getting rid of something you were built to do is an impossible task.

But what you can do is get down to the root and ask yourself one question:

Do you care more about what other people think or more about what you think?

Because if you can start to care more about what you think, then you can get to what overcomes embarrassment.

Acceptance.

Accepting that being embarrassed from time to time is a part of life, and it’s okay.

It’s actually built-in motivation to improve.

Keep embarrassing yourself

Since that night on stage, I’ve done plenty of embarrassing things. I’ve posted my first fiction book online, filmed cringey TikToks (& hated the sound of my voice), and sent my book out to agents who probably rolled their eyes before hitting delete.

And you know what? Every embarrassing thing has made me better.

I’ve learned from all of those missteps and became halfway decent. I now have agents looking at my book, my Tiktoks don’t bomb, and I’ve been experimenting with more writing in different styles.

And it’s only because I was ok with looking like an idiot who wears mismatched socks.

The truth is that embarrassment is inevitable. Failure is inevitable. But letting them stop you?

That’s a choice.

And it’s the wrong one.

Use embarrassment to make yourself better, and in the end, you’ll be the one who’s laughing.

I promise.

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think! Hey, in 2025 aside from my book, I may open up a new offer. 1 on 1 writing coaching. A course on mindset. How to write funny? Or whatever. I’m at the idea stage. What if anything, would you like to see? What could I offer, that you would consider buying? 

I’m also launching a substack, I don’t think I did this right, but here’s the link if you want to get emailed whenever I post. Thank you for reading!

Anthony Robert | Substack

 

 

 

205 thoughts on “Your Fear of Failure isn’t the Problem. This is.”

  3. You nailed it. I remember performing a Viola solo at my church when I was a teenager. It was horrible!! When I finished the crowd was stunned at my lack of talent. I said, “Nobody’s perfect.” The congregation laughed and applauded. When I fail, it makes my accomplishments that much sweeter.

    Reply

  4. “For me, the embarrassment was fuel. It lit a fire under my ass to figure out what went wrong and get better. I spent my time writing jokes and practicing for hours on end.” Thank you so much for this.

    Reply

  5. Man, I can’t help but notice a lot of parallels in our paths! I too bombed in the comedy club, except I failed on my first attempt. After that, I went straight into radio, telling my jokes on air for the following years!

    Reply

      1. Not on air anymore, unfortunately. I got married and decided to go back to a bit of a steadier paycheque as an electrician. Currently re-igniting my creative outlet right here on WordPress, where it all began a little over 10 years ago

  9. You knew what you were capable of even after that embarrassing moment, and you went for it! Kudos to you! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

    Reply

  10. Great post, as usual. I outgrew being embarrassed about what other people think, and now I’m a grumpy old woman who tries not to give a flying–hoot–what other people think. Apart from platforms like WordPress and Amazon where bots can decide to ban you for no good reason z but they’re not people, of course. That stuff aside, failure is how we learn. Get it wrong, work out why, do better next time. Having said which, I’m still trying to work out how to make better book sales – but I’ll keep trying. I suspect I’ll end up with having ‘Please buy my books’ carved on my tombstone, and that might just work. 😂 Best of luck to you and have a good week. 😎

    Reply

    1. Hahah I’ll have one on mine too! I really think tik tok might be the fastest way to grow – and then like showing who you really are – at least that’s my theory – but I’m in the same boat too! We got this

      Reply

      1. I keep meaning to give TikTok a go, then think it’s too young for me. I’ll have to try in the new year – so many things to do, time to get on with them! Best of luck with yours. 🙂

  11. So relatable. I have been serious about not letting embarrassment taking too much control over my life. It would eventually cripples one’s growth. Being introverted all my life I have missed huge opportunities because of how people perceive me when the perception I am creating about myself breaks because of an embarrassing moment. But the moment we detatch ourselves from that idea and be okay with not being perfect in others eyes is the moment we grow

    Reply

  12. I deeply resonate with your post . As someone who strives for perfection, I’ve learned that seeking external validation can be limiting. Not everyone will applaud my efforts, and that’s okay. It’s time for me to acknowledge and celebrate my own accomplishments.

    Through failure, I’ve come to understand the value of perseverance and self-improvement. However, I must admit that embarrassment has often held me back from trying new things. Fear of not getting it right the first time has paralyzed me.

    But your words have inspired me to reframe my mindset. I’ll focus on applauding myself, even in the face of failure. Embarrassment will be part of my journey and I will embrace it.

    Thank you for sharing your insights and helping me shift my perspective.

    Reply

  17. LOVE this – “Here’s the harsh truth: embarrassment happens when you care too much about what other people think and not enough about what you think. It’s like handing out free tickets to your self-esteem and letting the whole world take a seat.”

    Reply
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  30. Fear of failure for me often comes with – weirdly enough – the fear of success. So it’s always a bit of both for me when fear coaxes me into inaction. But I still agree with what you’re saying.

    Reply
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  37. I just randomly saw your writing today and the title just resonates with me so much. I never realised that maybe I was not afraid of failure but of embarrassing myself. Your writing gives me a whole new perspective about my fear of failure. Loved your piece.<3

    Reply

  38. Anthony, your article is truly inspiring. It reminds us that feeling embarrassed is a natural part of life and can be a powerful motivator for self-improvement. Your personal stories make the message even more relatable. Thank you for encouraging us to embrace our imperfections and keep pushing forward.

    Reply
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  42. It’s a new insight for me. Now I realize that what makes me afraid of failing isn’t the failure itself—it’s the embarrassment. I feel so embarrassed to tell people that I didn’t achieve what I was working on, and that feeling holds me back from pursuing what I once believed in.

    I’ll try to accept what I have to go through when facing failure in my life. Thank you!

    Reply

  43. Great writing, Anthony. I love the raw authenticity that simply shouts out from every wittily amusing paragraph.

    I love your style, and I’m following.

    I agree wholeheartedly: who defines ‘failure’ anyway? Everything experience in life is either a lesson or a blessing, as my own blog advocates. This life is nothing but a wonderful journey: mindset matters. Perspective matters. Authenticity matters.

    Really, what have we got to lose…?

    Reply
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  45. Nice sentiment, good tone – encouraging as in ‘We’re all in this together people’. Appreciate. Owning your embarrassment ultimately takes big cojones but you can grow them… that took me a while to realise

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  47. Failure and embarrassment remind us of our dependence on God. In our weakness, His strength is made perfect (2 Corinthians 12:9). Keep pressing forward, trusting that He works all things for good for those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

    Reply

  50. I completely agree with your perspective on failure and embarrassment they’re inevitable, but how we respond to them makes all the difference. Your story about stand-up comedy really resonated with me. It’s so true that embarrassment stems more from caring about others’ opinions than from the actual failure itself. So.

    Reply

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