Everyone wants to be a rock star.
As a child of the ’90s, I hate to admit this—but I had a complicated relationship with boy bands.
If you’d asked me back then if I liked *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys, I would’ve shaken my head like a bobblehead in an earthquake.
The tight pants?
The choreographed dancing?
Forget about it.
But if I’m being honest…
Whenever one of their songs came on the radio, I never changed it.
Sometimes I even hummed along.
I remember thinking, Man, it’d be cool to be a rock star.
The lights. The fans. The confidence.
That moment when the whole room is singing your song? It’s intoxicating.
But the thought of putting myself up on stage and actually singing?
I’d rather fake my own death and start over in a new town.
And that—wanting the result, but not the embarrassment—isn’t just about music.
It’s about life.
The Irony of Success
Here’s the thing:
Everyone wants to be a rockstar—until it’s time to actually be a rockstar.
We love the idea of success.
We hate the requirement of success.
We want to write books—but don’t want anyone to read them.
We want to act in movies—but hope no one we know ever sees them.
We want to start businesses—but only if there’s zero chance of failure.
The moment our dreams require vulnerability, our heads pop back underground faster than you can say, “Prairie dog.”
But here’s the twist:
If it feels terrifying, if it makes you cringe… it usually means you’re on the right track.
Because the people you admire felt that way too.
Look at Jim Morrison
A lot of people don’t know this, but Jim Morrison—the leather-pants legend of The Doors—used to sing with his back to the crowd.
Stage fright.
The Lizard King didn’t want to be looked at.
But he still got up there. Night after night.
Until one day… he turned around.
And when he did? He owned it.
He ended up being known for his crazy performances and energy.
He even got arrested for it.
All because he got over his embarrassment.
My Turn
I’ve never sung in front of a crowd (and for everyone’s sake, I won’t), but I’ve had my own version of this: writing.
For years, I kept it quiet.
When people asked what I was working on, I’d mumble something like, “Oh, just a side project.”
As if publishing my thoughts for strangers wasn’t terrifying enough, I was more afraid someone I actually knew might read it.
I was worried about what someone might think.
But the more I put myself out there, the less I cared.
Because people judge you anyway. And there’s not a damn thing you can do to control it.
Eventually, I got over the embarrassment because I accepted the truth of embarrassment:
Embarrassment is a mirage.
It feels permanent—but it’s not.
Nobody’s thinking about your awkward moment the way you are.
Most people are too busy rewatching their own awkward moments on loop.
And ironically, that feeling of embarrassment?
It’s often a sign you’re doing something that matters.
It means you’re trying.
It means you’re stretching.
It means you’re stepping into the light, and your pupils just haven’t adjusted yet.
That feeling isn’t a stop sign.
It’s a green light.
The Lesson
So here it is:
If you want to be seen, you have to be willing to be seen.
You have to risk the cringe, the awkward silence, the secondhand shame.
Because everyone you admire—the writers, the artists, the leaders, the wildly confident wedding singers—they’ve all been there. They just didn’t let it stop them.
You want to be a rockstar?
Then you’ve got to sing.
Even if your voice cracks.
Even if your pants are too tight.
Even if, the first time, you do it with your back to the crowd.
Eventually, you turn around.
And when you do…
people sing with you.
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Wow this is beautiful.. so true ! Thank you for the reminder!!
Thank you for reading!!
“Fake my own death” lol! Yep. I feel this so much. When I came back to a small town after rehab I seriously thought about wearing a fake beard and glasses in Walmart. But guess what? I survived. Love this read. Great as usual! And applicable to so many things!
It always gets easier. Thanks for reading!
Same here, with writing. I used to talk a lot about what I wanted to write. Then a friend challenged me to stop talking and post something online. The theory was that fear of public ridicule would spur me to produce a better product. I did and I’m glad.
Absolutely! So damn true.
Gospel.
Thank you!!
Agree and a nice post 👍
Thank you so much!
Pretty powerful Post Anthony.
Thank you my friend! Means a lot!!
Much needed reminder today.
So happy you enjoyed!
love this but /and also when is embaressment valid – as in not to post ? for safety – so whats a good balance?
Thank you so much. I think you gotta trust yourself to know when it’s too much vs, when it’s TMI.
It all relates to your goals and what you want you know.
Like I think as a rule of thumb, if it’s embarrassing is the aspect of this is new but it’s something I need to do to achieve my dream, it’s good. If not, just use your best judgement.
Just my thoughts
I think – i just met with neighbours is that we said that what we find online is actually not real at all – and much where nice conversations occurs is actually over – personal things , that make things interesting. so maybe actually the things to be read online, are not about “embaressment” and maybe rather bringin reality closer to it – for example, when i think of my public health background – in academics way- its normal to write about it – then online when its about self – and how i expereince, I often notice that there is shame – so maybe embaressment is another word for “shame” -so what and who I feel ashamed for?
Yeah I think it’s easier to notice realness in real life, but when you can bring it to online life it’s always appreciated
I think so too thats why I enjoy and like following you! Thanks <3
I really appreciate you, keep doing you, I promise you won’t go wrong
So true!
“If you want to be seen, you have to be willing to be seen.” I can relate. Lots of wisdom in this Tony. IN the end that risk of cringe, the awkward silence is just BS. But we need to need walk through it first to see for ourselves. So true.
I remember feeling this when I was young. Fortunately school plays/concerts etc put paid to that, and I got more comfortable with putting myself out there. At some point many people get over it, others don’t. Having put my writing out there, however, I could wish for more readers for it, lol. Thanks, Tony. 🙂
Backstreet Boys! I had a poster of them in my room when I was a teenager. 😂
Excellent wow fantastic 🤩🤩🤩🤩
Thank you so so much
You are welcome 😍❤️❤️❤️❤️🎉
I really “get” this! It’s like a beautiful tension between wanting to retreat into our own spaces while still yearning to help and connect with others. Who else feels that inner bloom of compassion while wanting to hide away? It seems like a common experience among those of us who strive to make a difference. Thank you for sharing this perspective—it truly inspires me to keep exploring my own unfolding! Keep writing; your words make a difference!
Thank you so much this was very reassuring!!
Spot on!
This is how i feel when i post on my blog, i feel so embarrassed and vulnerable but there truly is something strong about it, almost like peaking at a new version of you round the corner.
Yeah it’s a strength building thing. It’s always embarrassing at first for pretty much everything than at a certain point it’s not
True!!! Very true!
The other day I was motivating my students to take up the “Public Speaking” course at school and I spoke to them something similar. The embarrassment aspect and how it’s healthy and useful. Love your blog! It is an important topic! 🌸
Thank so much and public speaking and really people skills IMO are the most important to learn along with like faith etc
So beautiful words. Reading these words reminds me of myself. I felt embarrassed earlier and hesitated to learn writing skills. 3 days ago l left the embarrassment and started blogging. Though my statement may not have meaningful words I am trying to express myself through writing.
Tells me that you’re winning
Very well said! So glad I checked you out. I decided to stop the usual stuff and take a look at who was looking at me. LOL Not be busy with research and writing. Stop n smell the coffee.
Be sure to drink it too 😉 thanks so much for stopping by! I really appreciate you
Hells, yeah, this is honest and needed. The one good thing about getting older is you have fewer naysayers telling you it’s foolish to do something, because they realize you’re losing the ability to care about their feelings. I’m in my early 40s and been terrified of screwing up my whole life. But I’m gonna mess up by accident plenty, and can’t always control how things work out even when carefully planned… so worrying about it forever is foolish.
This is why I recently picked up blogging again, and I hope to get back into a writing rhythm so I can put works out there again. Lots of discouragement when I tried 10 years ago, but I’m sick of living with impostor syndrome. I have to take brave stances, be bolder, and enjoy the ups and downs. Treat them as lessons or experiments and move on if they don’t work, and push ahead when they do. This “why the hell not” feeling led me to pledge to raise money and run a marathon in a few months, something I’d never done before. But I’m sick of waiting for “the perfect day” or “the perfect circumstances.” They don’t exist. They’re what we make of them, and we’re works in progress.
Be well, folks.
I was a closet writer. Only a few people knew I wrote, but no one read a word of what I wrote. Then one day I took a correspondence course. I still didn’t let anyone read what I wrote, but I was getting closer. The next step was a writing site for serious writers. My work got seen and commented on. Then I took the plunge and became an author. Now, I have 9 published books.
Thanks for this timely post.
That’s so amazing – seriously is
“Most people are too busy rewatching their own awkward moments on loop.” Ain’t that the truth!?
Sho is!
So true we love the idea of sucess but the road to success
We all gotta walk it
Yasssssssssssssss! I love your advice! I just shared my blog with like 3 friends and it felt SO UNCOMFORTABLE to know they might see how my brain works xD But you know what? You’re so right! It’s not the end of the world! It’s only the beginning of being known and heard. I’m so glad you write even when it feels uncomfortable to share!
Exactly and the truth is, it always gets easier. Proud of you for sharing your words
Great advice. My 12 readers are going to get a lot more of writings from me hereinafter
Better make it 13 cause I’m one of them
Yippeeeere
I agree love the post <3
Thanks so much!
😅 Okay, I commented on your most recent post before reading this one. I commented on the fear of success and, I guess, I should have read on. You nailed it. 🤔 As for singing with my back to the crowd and turning around, I’d get arrested just like Jimmy only for drastically different reasons. His arrest, I believe was for lewd conduct (exposing himself) my arrest would be for disturbing the peace
Hahah yeah Jimmy was wild
I watched a documentary on Lil Peep. Called Everybody’s Everything. He was in a group as well but turned out that he was the Rockstar of the group. His manager asked him if he wanted to sell out in stadiums and he said yes. He was then told that this journey is a lonely one and that he will have to leave a lot of people behind.
Simple words with a whole world of meaning in them. Terrific post. Thank you
This is so so true and tbh i couldn’t of read this at a better time. Perfectly written, Thanks
I think I’m about 50% of what you described. I’m scared of being judged by people I know who might read my posts (back when I was still in school, I wasn’t). But I’m totally fine with strangers reading them. I actually feel really happy when people read and comment to share their thoughts. I’m not sure why that is, so if you have any insights, please share haha. Thank you. Great post!
To me, maybe it’s because with the people you know, you don’t want to let them down so you might feel guarded.
What you might not be seeing is that it’s those same people, as you continue to progress will be the ones that say, “oh you like so and so?” I know them…