Dumb Questions Part 1

For whatever illogical reason, people want to pacify the idea that there is no such thing as a dumb question.

*Que the images of your teacher saying* Of course there’s no such thing as a dumb question; there’s plenty of people that are scared to ask and probably have the same question as you.


This series is dedicated to proving otherwise.

Let the hilarity ensue.

“Did you find everything ok?”
(Commonly asked by grocery store clerks sometimes named Helen)

Thanks for the empty question Helen, I can tell you’ve gotten really good at going through the motions. May I suggest that it probably would have been a better time to alter and ask said question when I arrive at the store opposed to the checkout counter? I mean I’m here, I’m at the checkout counter; I served my time waiting in line with these animals I call Matt. I’m one pointless conversation away from my beloved TV. Don’t fuck with me! Now Helen, roll play with me for a moment, suppose I didn’t find everything OK. What am I’m going to leave and loose my place inline to go get some peanut butter? Forget about it. And you – what are you going to leave your beloved cash register to go run my errands? No, not a chance. You’re dead to me.

“Can I tell You Something?”

Yes Mitchell, I suppose you can tell me something because you know, you just did. What did I make you blush?! Unless there’s a knife wielding rhinoceros that’s getting ready to kidnap you or kidnap my ears, then yes, you can tell me something. Oh what, now you don’t want to tell me? Now I’m the smartass? Ok Mitchell, grow up.

“Do you know what I’m thinking?”

No I don’t. Sorry. I’m not that good. I mean I’m good, but not that good. If you’d like, I can just pretend that I know one of the billions of possible thoughts that you could be thinking of at any given moment if it makes you feel better.

“Is the Lochness monster real?”

Yes Austin, it’s real and it has plans for world domination, one mysterious lake at a time.

Disclaimer: This is satire and not meant to be taken seriously. Please like, comment and share. What are the dumb questions that plague you? Tell me so I can feel your annoyance!

81 thoughts on “Dumb Questions Part 1

  1. I worked at a thrift store. A woman wanted us to get her a specific shirt in a larger size. Also I once went into a coffee shop and asked if they had coffee ( I meant drip coffee) So there’s that. We all sound like idiots to someone.

  2. Can I tell You Something? – is the most ridiculous thing a person can say since they can easily say it, it annoys the heck out of me. It makes me so angry that people play these kinds of mind games.

  3. I went to a bingo parlor with my grandmother years ago when she was still alive–and a friend from work, who just happened to be there, saw me, walked up, and said “What are you doing here?!?” Buying furniture, Casey. Buying. Furniture.

  4. When my boy/girl twins were younger, people asked me all the time if they identical. I’d always respond, “Yes, but my daughter is missing her penis.”

    1. That’s an annoying on to me as well because it requests an equally inane response, like, “Fine. And you?”

      Instead, sometime’s I’ll answer, “I’m so entirely bitchin’ there are no words to describe it.”

  5. Hi, how ya doin?

    This question coming from anyone who isn’t a friend/family member is basically meaningless, and I hate it. They don’t actually care. It’s just a formality for two people crossing paths. Don’t stop, and ask me how I’m doing if you don’t actually want to know.

  6. Hahaha! There are so many of these. “Did you find what you were looking for?” And, um, I’m dumping my stuff I’m paying for on your cashier’s counter, so, um… YEAH! “Can I borrow a *whatever thing you can’t borrow because it’s a consumable.*”

  7. I used to say to my dad, can I ask you a question? He’d say you just did and look at me like one question was my limit.

  8. I was at the checkout once and was asked if I had found everything and I replied that I had not. I explained what I had been looking for and the clerk explained where it had been moved to. The next time I was there, I had no trouble finding it.

  9. I’m in the realm of, “No, it wasn’t a stupid question. The first time you asked it. But now, six months later when we’re been over this at least as many times, YES IT’S A STUPID QUESTION!” 😀

  10. Here’s another one. While riding my bicycle, I got hit by a car. When the policeman arrived, he came over and said, “Did you have an accident?” If my jaw hadn’t been broken I would have loved to have given him a smart-ass answer.

  11. The dumb question I hate most is, “Really?”. My ex used to use it a lot as well as any barely verbal toddler. I had a set response, though:

    “I noticed I got a scratch on the side of my car”


    “No, that was one of my hilarious jokes”…

  12. All in good fun, right? My husband, looking at the counter full of groceries: “Did you go grocery shopping?” He does this all the time!! I’ve just started answering, “No.” And my worst, when I was looking at a friend’s dog: “Is that a dog?” What I meant to say was “Is that a male or female dog?” (Because, you know, you can’t always tell without getting, you know, weird.)

  13. What are you doing these days?

    I am alive, more or less. Just took a deep breath right now. I am struggling to get out of bed every morning because of laziness. I don’t have work to do so I masturbate and bore myself to sleep. That’s what I am doing these days. Killing time breath by breath.

  14. The use of “Why” as a primary question. The better question is “What do I do now to resolve the problem?

    Why is secondary and good for avoiding the circumstance of recurrence, but so many use it as an excuse to do nothing while the shit is in the fan…

      1. Learned that while kayaking… when a few tons of water is getting dumped on you is the wrong time to be worrying about why…much the same when surfing I expect…

  15. *snort* no comment.. Damn it ! That was a comment… Great Dude.. Yer like tuned into my inner Snark.. yeh ok fine …. not so inner, I’m as sarcastic as you.. Thanks for pullin me in.. ..Farker… I am losing seconds of my life LMAO at your posts

  16. Omg, so hilarious XD And so true! Along the lines of “Can I tell you something?” it always bugs me when I have to say or when someone says, “Can I ask you a question?” Sometimes my Mom likes to annoy me and say, “You just did.” But it’s like…what else am I supposed to say?! I don’t want to just bluntly ask a question that could be a little rude. I also need to make sure you’re ready to listen and respond to my question…

    There has to be a better way for this :/

    The checkout. Yes, I’ve always found that a strange question when I went abroad. In Japan clerks don’t say anything to you. I was like, “Uh, yeah…” awkward pause. But the truth was I didn’t…but never mind, Helen 😛

  17. ““Do you know what I’m thinking?”
    No I don’t. Sorry. I’m not that good. I mean I’m good, but not that good. If you’d like, I can just pretend that I know one of the billions of possible thoughts that you could be thinking of at any given moment if it makes you feel better.”

    That is so rich in potential. ‘Why yes, I just got my telepathy merit badge and I know what you fif to that sweet little sophmore,,,” OR “Nooo, are you?” OR “Oooh! Is this a game show? Are there cash prizes? How many tries do I get, or can I narrow it down with twenty questions?” OR “You ass!” *slap* OR “No, why don’t you just dump me and save time and pain, instead of playing these games?”

    1. Hahah I loved “you ass!” Yeah this one has a million responses – “Yeah I know what you’re thinking***pulls out notepad**** was it this?!”

  18. Back in the old neighborhood we outlawed the question “Are you ok?” after someone took one in the privates. Writhing on the ground, clutching yourself in agony, it was the dumbest question imaginable.

  19. This is funny. I’m glad you stated it is satire. Not knowing you personally, I thought it was, but that part about “you are dead to me” is pretty harsh. So I am glad to know you used that as writer’s license. 🙂

  20. Ok..I have a good one for you…several years ago I was night manager at a convenience store. Of course we wore uniforms, worn with name tags, which I fondly called our “dorkwear”. One time this customer came and asked me, “Do you work here?” To which my smartass self cheerfully answered, “NO! I wear this shirt for fashion!”

  21. Enjoyed your post!
    Fact is, a large percentage of the words we use are designed to fill the silence so we can claim to have the floor while we grope inside our own heads for something intelligent to say. The dumb questions are better than “like”, you know?”, “umm…”, and a few other more obvious space-fillers.

  22. When I worked in a machine shop, I asked my co-worker one day if he was finished using the overhead crane.
    He says, “Why, do you need it?”
    I said, “No, I just wanted to know if you were finished, just in case someone asks.”

  23. When people say ‘look, don’t take this the wrong way’ and then proceed to tell you something that they know damn well is going to piss you off. What’s the preface for? To make me feel bad about being pissed off when you say something you know will piss me off?

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