Dear Maintenance Guy

Dear Maintenance Guy,

There’s a good chance that I might not finish this letter. You see, the bathroom’s sprung a leak and the water is rising; but alas, I’m sitting here without an ark.

Sure, I went ahead and gathered the animals two by two like you instructed – but they’re the unpleasants – the mice that you failed to exterminate, a lousy neighbor cat from the wall you didn’t secure and a few measly pigeons out for some trash scraps… A most sorry ark indeed.

But hey, what do you care? You’re the maintenance guy, you’ve got the world to fix.

About a week ago I put a request to have my bathroom leak fixed, shame on me for being so ho-hum without a sense of urgency trusting that you would get the job done.

The leak started off as a drip but with all matters involving consistency, it grew into a rising flood.

As the wood floors started to swell, and my ankles become dirty-water-wet, I knew that my hopes for a speedy recuse was a hopeful fantasy.

I can only imagine what you are doing instead of fixing my bathroom oh maintenance guy.

Perhaps you’re enjoying your cigarette break. Hell, stay for another; allegedly it will calm the nerves.

Perhaps you’re dealing with some shit from an uncooperative toilet. A gurgling conversation indeed.

One can only imagine that you’ve been putting up with other’s people’s shit for quite some time. – You know, with your line of work and all.

Perhaps you’re getting it from the brass who’s piling on the work, unaware of the of the lengthy time it takes to screw in a lightbulb or even install some basic curtain blinds.

They push, they push and they push some more… unsympathetic to the stresses of the maintenance guy.

Those pig-headed bastards live so easy, cool in their igloo of air conditioning.

The water’s up to my chest now; the cat and the mice have escaped through a small opening – a testament to your patchwork.

It’s just me, the pigeon and the damn leaky toilet – where’s the magic plunger when you need it?

Now that the water is about to hug my neck, I need to know. Why did you wait to complete my work order?

I trusted you, oh maintenance guy and you threw away my trust for an extra glazed doughnut at the morning meeting.


I won’t have time to escape, and paper is getting wet.

But hey, what do you care? You’re the maintenance guy, you’ve got the world to fix.

Please like, comment share and tell me what you think. Do you have any maintenance guy stories?

16 thoughts on “Dear Maintenance Guy

  1. Oh, the Arc analogy is spot on! No maintenance guy woes for me yet, but I bet I’ll see a lot of those once I live on my own. At the moment, it’s only about cleaning my room enough for the guy to get in there (in the event that he does arrive, of course!)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I once stayed in a “garden level” (a/k/a basement…but garden sounds so much nicer doesn’t it?) AirBnB flat in London. In the middle of the night, the water main in the street burst and I woke up at 2 AM ankle deep in water. By time I fled at 5:45 AM the water was about to eclipse the electrical outlets and the welcome mat was floating up the stairs. It felt like the right time to go. Fun times. But at least I can check “wander the streets of Marylebone dragging along a wheelie suitcase before sunrise” off my bucket list.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. At an old place of employment, several of my coworkers complained that housekeeping kept leaving empty boxes that were *clearly* trash instead of throwing them away. I was informed that they even wrote “basura” on the boxes, yet they were still left behind. That was the day that I had to explain that the housekeepers were Chinese. This has nothing to do with maintenance men…but here we are.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s