You know the moment when you hear a stupid phrase and you wish the person who said it would get sucked into a black hole?
Below are the words that cause these moments.
Be That As It May
Be that as it may, will you please kindly take this phrase and fuck off to the 1700’s where it belongs? Be that as it may; Really? Are you just saying that to fill an arbitrary word count? It sounds like the closing argument for a term paper gone awry. I’m exhausted from typing this, one pillow away from going to sleep. Be that as it may.
Workin’ hard or hardly workin’?
The quintessential break-in-case-of-emergency phrase for coworkers struggling to make small talk, I’d like to point out leaves no ground for the middle. What if I’m the person who is kind of working hard but also kind of dicking around? The kind of person who acts productive when the boss is near but quickly pulls out their phone when their back is turned. The kind of person who plays in the middle. The gray, complex person who isn’t good but isn’t bad. That’s my superhero and that’s my answer Sam, thanks for asking! And by the way, did you get that email I sent you?
I Just Wanted To Say
I just wanted to say that you’re probably going to say it anyways so no need to roll out the red carpet for little ole me. I’m a simple man with simple desires; there’s no need to get Hollywood on my country ass. I appreciate the thought though. Please know with me, you can just say it with a smile on your face.
Think Outside The Box
Anyone who says to “think outside of the box” is stuck inside the fucking box. End. Of. Story. Yeah Bob, thanks for the tip, I’ll try to think outside the box next time. What’s it like outside the box? Is it sunny? Do they have better food? What are the bathrooms like? It sure must be nice outside the box in Bob-Land. Please come back with a pair of safety-proof-scissors so I can make my miraculous escape outside the box and emerge a new man in the new world.
To Make a Long Story Short
This is satire and I’ve said everyone of these. A huge thank you to my awesome readers who inspired 80% of this post by sharing their favorite stupid phrases in the comment section of my last post. You guys kick ass and I truly appreciate it. Please like, share, comment and tell me what you think. What stupid phrase is your favorite? What phrase am I missing?