Stupid Phrases Part 3

I don’t understand it. Whenever I read one of these stupid phrases, my brain does back flips with joy as I piss away a morning trying to make sense of the senseless.

That said –

The world has plenty of stupid expressions and here are a few more.

Needless To Say

Needless to say, umm… don’t fucking say it because it’s ummm… needless. Kapeesh? Don’t you realize we can’t be sitting around wasting time? We have lonely couches to sit on, not your wasted words. Look, the leather one is crying and the lazy-boy is dreaming of action. Have you even considered the thousands of advertisers worried sick because I’m not in front of the TV screen killing my brain cells? Probably not. You are just here gloating with all your needless words needlessly wasting everyone’s time and go figure, I should have anticipated this. Shame on me. I guess the world revolves around you huh? Better yet, I guess time revolves around you needless word guy. It must be nice living life all willy-nilly making the day go a touch slower.

But Don’t Take My Word

Ok… well, umm… who’s word should I take? Because you know… someone said it. It didn’t just, you know… appear. But what the Hell do I know? Who’s the authority bub, because it’s clearly not you. Are your facts really fantasy? Is your proof really pudding in disguise? Is everything you’re saying bullshit like the needless word guy? Tell me, who’s word should I take?! I need to know! For Pete’s sake, draw a line in the fucking sand. I’ve got a van full of groceries and I got to go home. You know what? Screw you, I’m gonna take your word anyways. The tables are turned now buddy!

Let’s Get to The Heart Of The Matter

Nahh, let’s stay on the skin of the matter after all, I’ve got sunscreen to cover up the uncomfortable parts of the conversation… so let’s use it. Ok, fine… we can go deeper, let’s go to the elbow of the matter. Elbows are cool right? I mean it’s a hinge point, it’s the metaphorical crossroads, things will get juicy here! What about the foot of the matter? That way you can step on the parts you don’t like. Like really stomp on it and grind your foot down like an angry lumberjack killing a sprout. Anything but the heart of the matter. The hearts got enough things to worry about. Don’t weigh it down with your meaningless phrases.

Please Like, Comment, and Share on Social Media, and tell me what you think. I was the muse for this one. I say all of these. Let me know what phrases annoy you.

24 thoughts on “Stupid Phrases Part 3

  1. Needless to say
    at the end of the day
    don’t take my word
    it’s simply absurd
    whenever we chatter
    ’bout the heart of the matter.

    At the end of the day – utterly stupid in my humble opinion (another one there!)

  2. I love the angry lumberjack. Let’s face it (I hate that phrase), there just aren’t too many people around who can come up with original stuff like that.

  3. What rubs me the wrong way are phrases whose definitions are changed by the younger generation because they’re unaware a phrase’s past history. An example is ‘off the hook,’ which used to mean you were no longer responsible for something, usually a monetary debt. Now the newer generations use it to describe a wild, out of control event in a superlative way. Whether a phrase is stupid, hackneyed, or actually still useful, its definition should remain constant. Anyway, that’s my two cents.

    1. I agree it’s annoying when you spend your whole life learning one thing then all of a sudden it means something else for no reason – thanks for the comment!

  4. In Australia our politicians and sports people commit these crimes all the time. “At the end of the day” is a classic, as previous people have commented.
    “Moving forward” is one that drives me mad – where else would I be moving to?
    And more of an excuse rather than a saying we have here is “for privacy reasons” meaning that they can say or do anything they want and you won’t get any sort of answer or explanation that makes any sense at all.

    1. Loved when Antrel Rolle was on the NY Giants, mainly because he was such a great leader, but also loved his weekly spot on WFAN where he would drop about twenty “at the ennadadays” into a 15-20 minute slot.

      Speaking of dropping, I don’t know why but “drop the mic” bugs the shit out of me.

  5. As George Carlin pointed out when the employees at the airport told him to “get on the plane.” Carlin responded “Fuck You! I’m getting IN the plane. Let Evel Knevel get ON the plane. “

  6. “If you ask me”
    That’s a phrase for people who think they know a lot and just want to bestow worthless advice on some unfortunate person.
    Yeah, well, nobody freaking ASKED you.

  7. You are right! I’m guilty of using bullshit phrases – and, hopefully, catch them before…oops, ‘hopefully’? I do agree – and, thanks for the ‘like’. I know the beach life and love it! (Now, don’t jump all over the last line there!) 🙂

  8. Today, as in this era, “but don’t take my word” seems to mean Googlit… not misspelled per se, but it seems to be pronounced that way 🙂 p.s. thanks for stopping by my blog

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