I don’t understand it. Whenever I read one of these stupid phrases, my brain does back flips with joy as I piss away a morning trying to make sense of the senseless.
That said –
The world has plenty of stupid expressions and here are a few more.
Needless To Say
Needless to say, umm… don’t fucking say it because it’s ummm… needless. Kapeesh? Don’t you realize we can’t be sitting around wasting time? We have lonely couches to sit on, not your wasted words. Look, the leather one is crying and the lazy-boy is dreaming of action. Have you even considered the thousands of advertisers worried sick because I’m not in front of the TV screen killing my brain cells? Probably not. You are just here gloating with all your needless words needlessly wasting everyone’s time and go figure, I should have anticipated this. Shame on me. I guess the world revolves around you huh? Better yet, I guess time revolves around you needless word guy. It must be nice living life all willy-nilly making the day go a touch slower.
But Don’t Take My Word
Ok… well, umm… who’s word should I take? Because you know… someone said it. It didn’t just, you know… appear. But what the Hell do I know? Who’s the authority bub, because it’s clearly not you. Are your facts really fantasy? Is your proof really pudding in disguise? Is everything you’re saying bullshit like the needless word guy? Tell me, who’s word should I take?! I need to know! For Pete’s sake, draw a line in the fucking sand. I’ve got a van full of groceries and I got to go home. You know what? Screw you, I’m gonna take your word anyways. The tables are turned now buddy!
Let’s Get to The Heart Of The Matter
Nahh, let’s stay on the skin of the matter after all, I’ve got sunscreen to cover up the uncomfortable parts of the conversation… so let’s use it. Ok, fine… we can go deeper, let’s go to the elbow of the matter. Elbows are cool right? I mean it’s a hinge point, it’s the metaphorical crossroads, things will get juicy here! What about the foot of the matter? That way you can step on the parts you don’t like. Like really stomp on it and grind your foot down like an angry lumberjack killing a sprout. Anything but the heart of the matter. The hearts got enough things to worry about. Don’t weigh it down with your meaningless phrases.
Please Like, Comment, and Share on Social Media, and tell me what you think. I was the muse for this one. I say all of these. Let me know what phrases annoy you.