woman in grey shirt holding brown cardboard box

Two Idiots and a Truck Moving Company: How We Move and Break Your Stuff

Welcome to Two Idiots and a Truck Moving Company, where we feature the crème de la crème of idiots, cherry-picked from the very depths of the classifieds.

Before we get ready to r̶e̶l̶o̶c̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶f̶f̶ move your shit, for your safety, we’d like to go over a few ground rules.

Rule One: Eye Contact is a Big No-No.

Our main guy and top idiot is a bit like a giant gorilla straight out of the Congo. Accidentally lock eyes with him and there’s a chance your favorite couch is gonna end up in two pieces. Maybe even three. When he’s startled, he’s got a tendency to go all King Kong on whatever he’s holding, beating it against his chest until it’s nothing more than a pile of dust.

If this happens, your best bet is to toss him a banana, compliment his muscles, and then call 911. Run for your life; please, for the sake of all that is dear, run for your life! We can’t afford another lawsuit!

Rule Two: Timeliness is Subjective.

So, you’ve penciled us in for Monday right? And our secretary even called you to confirm it? Hell, we even sent you a text to let you know we’re on our way? Cute. Really cute. But let’s be clear here — as a moving company, one of our mission statement values is to string you along, no matter the cost.

Punctuality is more of a general guideline for us and not a rigid rule. Sure, it might be Monday in your world, but in our universe, every hour is happy hour.

Rule Three: Things Break.

Sorry, did we say things? We meant to say shit. As in your shit. Your precious, heartwarming shit is going to break when you use us. It’s prone to cracking, shattering, and giving you seven years of bad luck. After all, we’re a moving company, not a museum artifact restoration service. Shattered heirlooms and broken dreams come with the territory.

Rule Four: The Truck Might Also Break.

It’s a vintage, 1968 to be precise, so it has some miles, or more accurately, light years on it. And that engine fire? Just consider it part of the truck’s charm. We like making moves memorable, and nothing screams fondness like the fire department showing up at your new house on night one.

Rule Five: Refunds are a Myth.

Sorry, no take-backs, give-backs, or send-backs. This is a strictly cash-only, one-way street venture. In fact, this business is so exclusive that it technically never happened. You can’t prove a thing. Just forget about it. Seriously. We don’t even exist on paper.

Welcome aboard to our unique moving experience. Here’s to a smooth — and entertaining move!

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think? Would you hire them? If you find this funny, why not share with a friend?

33 thoughts on “Two Idiots and a Truck Moving Company: How We Move and Break Your Stuff

  1. Are you sure they didn’t do my last move?, 😂. they sound ever so familiar, ..and I’m still waiting for the refund for breakages, …😉…loved reading this, ended my day perfectly, …✨👏✨

  2. I use a company whose name is VERY similar, and I’ve never had an issue with them so far. *Knocks wood* I’ll be using them again as I’m moving in August, and I’ll be praying they keep up the good work.

    I don’t want to have to cuss anyone out.

  3. Wow, I used a company with a very similar name and had a very similar experience to the one you describe. 🙂 I’m still not sure they moved all my stuff, but after having dealt with things being broken and other mishaps, I figured it’d just be easier to forget the possibly missing stuff than to deal with their mythical customer service.

  4. Sounds about right. I’ve found never saying something is fragile or an heirloom helps. Those $2 mugs from Wal Mart always arrive safely… just saying.

  5. I think we did hire them! …shattered heirlooms and broken dreams definitely gave me a chuckle.

  6. I’ve heard through trusted sources that this company uses the beginning of Ace Ventura Pet Detective to train each and everyone of their fine movers. “Sounds Broken” is their slogan.

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