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Date Night Debacle: Fine Dining Or Fiasco Dining?

Dear Diary,

You’re never going to believe this.

Today I have the absolute pleasure of being r̶i̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶f̶ dining in Omega Sun, the ritzy eatery downtown whose menu reads more like a ransom note and less like a menu. You know, the one that charges you an arm and a leg and maybe a kidney (or two) if you want dessert. That’s the place.

Here’s how it all started.

I ring them up and the chirpy voice on the other end cheerfully announces, “Today’s your lucky day! Someone just canceled, and we have a slot open at 5:45 PM” And boy oh, boy, was I about to discover my four-leaf clover.

My date began in a rush. Rush as in rush-hour traffic. I was a rat in a maze, competing with the other 1000 i̶d̶i̶o̶t̶s̶ drivers racing home as if we were all competing in a propped-up grand prix. By the time I got downtown, my blood pressure was through the roof after being cut off more times than the end of a sausage. I even had a large man with a world peace bumper sticker flick me off and insult my intelligence. Quite the adrenaline rush.

Eventually, I arrived at the joint and worked my way through the restaurant like I was trekking through a dimly lit cave, except this cave was outfitted with a swanky mahogany bar manned by servers who bore an uncanny resemblance to James Bond. 

My date was already there, resembling her profile picture just enough to avoid the dreaded catfish label. And according to her, I came quite close too. It’s like they say, two ‘almosts’ make a ‘close enough.’

We decided to warm up with some appetizers, or as I like to call them, ‘wallet lighteners.’ I really wanted to show her I had some class, so I ordered the escargot because nothing says sexy like eating like Shrek. The appetizer cost higher than my monthly gym membership and tasted worse than 5 miles on a treadmill.

Then, here is where my luck really shined like a pot of gold. I ordered the prime-time, big dog cut. The pièce de résistance — the steak. This slab of beef was priced more like a designer handbag than food and was so undercooked it could’ve joined our conversation. It’s one way to ensure you’re eating fresh, I suppose. The only consolation is that at least I know where this month’s rent went.

Now, you’d think that was the height of my lucky streak. That the slot machine came up with triple cherries, and I hit the jackpot. But think again. Like an infomercial from the early 2000’s I only have one line to say. But wait, there’s more.

My secret-agent-looking waiter decides to make my date his mission impossible. He cunningly slipped his number along with our bill — a double whammy. What luck! Free humiliation with every steak; that’s a deal you don’t get every day! Thankfully, she saved me time and said, “We shouldn’t do this again.” I agreed.

Flying home on this wave of fortune, I was lucky enough to shake hands with a pothole so deep it was trying out to be a stunt double for the Grand Canyon. A jolting reminder of my ‘contribution’ or lack thereof to public infrastructure.

After an action-packed evening of tow trucks, tire hunting, and turnpikes, I finally made it home.

Don’tcha think I’m lucky?

Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think. Do you think our hero was lucky?

35 thoughts on “Date Night Debacle: Fine Dining Or Fiasco Dining?

  1. A good Thursday morning chuckle and darn funny. I’ve had images of money growing wings and flying out of restaurants like those, almost unable to enjoy the experience, almost. And then I give in and say, it’s only money, and I’m unlikely to take any with me when I die, so why not just breathe deeply and get on with the enjoyment?

    1. More often than not, that reaction is a rationalization, because when you experience something special you know it and don’t think about the cost. Too often these days, it’s a pretentious money grab.

  2. “It’s like they say, two ‘almosts’ make a ‘close enough.” Love that line! I am not single, but I’m thinking if the conversation was great and you clicked with ‘close enough’ it would have made the evening worth it., Especially if you were able to talk about the service and restaurant like you did in this piece. It could have been a hilariously good time. Although, I think navigating traffic to the restaurant put you in a less than good mood.

    1. Very true! Good comedy to add – I’m also not single – I just went to an expensive restaurant with my GF and the guy on the phone said “it was your lucky day” and book a story was born

  3. Good topic, fun writing. Let’s see where he goes next!

      1. LOL, if YOU are writing it, it will be, no doubt about it. Maybe parasailing into cow manure by accident.

  4. Very interesting story. You are one lucky dude any luckier andnyou could be struck by lightening 3 times. Please make this a series im sure your readers would read every one or better yet make it an animated series lol

  5. 😂 yeah, lucky in the same way that a moist and fluffy lemon sponge cake is lucky to be in a room full of hungry kids. But I have to admit, you made me laugh.

  6. I just discovered your blog and I love your writing! I was smiling he whole time I read this waiting for the next cackle, forget the time I last had this much fun reading something💜

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