It’s a doggone shame.
Recently, I heard this nutjob claim that his dog was a good judge of character moments before his canine did this really high-character thing…ate its own turds! And this got me wondering, what other judge-like qualities does this pooch possess?
Exhibit A The Eco-Warrior: Now, most dogs would relieve themselves wherever they please, but not this virtuous hound. Oh, no! He’s decided to take recycling to a whole nother’ level, dining on his own excrement with a fervor that’s downright disgusting. But hey, he’s zero waste! If the Green movement needs a mascot, this poop-gorging pup is ready for his close-up.
Exhibit B The Mailman Fiasco: So, this dog has seen the same blown-out mailman, come rain or shine, for a solid five years, which is longer than college. You’d think by now they’d be on a first-name basis, right? Maybe the mailman would even slip him a bone or two between the bills? Wrong! Every day, like clockwork, this canine erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Simply put: He puts the postal in the pooch.
Exhibit C Animal Awareness: Now, I don’t know what a 2lb squirrel ever did to him and his nuts, but boy oh boy, does he ever despise them! Chipmunks, birds, even the neighbor’s dainty cat — no small creature is safe from his snarls. It’s like living with a pint-sized, furry version of Godzilla. The only thing is, Tokyo is your living room.
Exhibit D Doggy Date: And then there’s how his dog “greets” other dogs. Picture a bodybuilder on steroids who got cut off in traffic and then flicked off. Whenever he sees another dog who has the nerve to walk on a public sidewalk, he breaks the sound barrier with his barks. I guess “Hello,” in his language, translates roughly to “Stay the hell away from me!”
So yeah, this dog’s a good judge of character, alright, a regular Judge Judy. But, like any good judge, he’s got his own twisted sense of justice, and we’re all just living in his courtroom.
Please like, comment, and share with a dog lover who may find this funny. For the record, I love dogs and cats. Is your pet a good judge of character?