medium short coated white dog on white textile

Why Your Dog May Not Be the Best Judge of Character

It’s a doggone shame. 

Recently, I heard this nutjob claim that his dog was a good judge of character moments before his canine did this really high-character thing…ate its own turds! And this got me wondering, what other judge-like qualities does this pooch possess? 

Exhibit A The Eco-Warrior: Now, most dogs would relieve themselves wherever they please, but not this virtuous hound. Oh, no! He’s decided to take recycling to a whole nother’ level, dining on his own excrement with a fervor that’s downright disgusting. But hey, he’s zero waste! If the Green movement needs a mascot, this poop-gorging pup is ready for his close-up.

Exhibit B The Mailman Fiasco: So, this dog has seen the same blown-out mailman, come rain or shine, for a solid five years, which is longer than college. You’d think by now they’d be on a first-name basis, right? Maybe the mailman would even slip him a bone or two between the bills? Wrong! Every day, like clockwork, this canine erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Simply put: He puts the postal in the pooch. 

Exhibit C Animal Awareness: Now, I don’t know what a 2lb squirrel ever did to him and his nuts, but boy oh boy, does he ever despise them! Chipmunks, birds, even the neighbor’s dainty cat — no small creature is safe from his snarls. It’s like living with a pint-sized, furry version of Godzilla. The only thing is, Tokyo is your living room. 

Exhibit D Doggy Date: And then there’s how his dog “greets” other dogs. Picture a bodybuilder on steroids who got cut off in traffic and then flicked off. Whenever he sees another dog who has the nerve to walk on a public sidewalk, he breaks the sound barrier with his barks. I guess “Hello,” in his language, translates roughly to “Stay the hell away from me!” 

So yeah, this dog’s a good judge of character, alright, a regular Judge Judy. But, like any good judge, he’s got his own twisted sense of justice, and we’re all just living in his courtroom.

Please like, comment, and share with a dog lover who may find this funny. For the record, I love dogs and cats. Is your pet a good judge of character?

28 thoughts on “Why Your Dog May Not Be the Best Judge of Character

  1. You crack me up, Tony. I’m laughing about your dog post and have only just read the title! I will say more if I feel the need after I read it. For now, I think I know where this is going and I totally agree. Hilarious!

  2. My dog loses her shit at the mailman daily. He is just a normal guy. I always yell, “stop being so stereotypical!” but, her English is limited so she doesn’t get the nuance.

  3. My cats are great judges of my character, knowing full well I’ll buy the most expensive food for them and clean up their messes. And its humor, thank you, along with our cats adorableness that keeps me going.

  4. That’s not a dog, that’s a hufflepuff!! …but where did you did you find a 2lb squirrel?! Please send me it, cos ’round here you gotta rustle up at least three of them suckers to get that kinda weight! …must be the poverty, cos no one leaves a scrap a food anywhere here.

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