The best communicators have one thing in common:

Presence. 

Recently, I had the pleasure of attending (and being in) my cousin’s wedding, and upon leaving, there was one theme that seemed to ring out.

“Eric makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room.”

He’s hyper present, annoyingly present, and annoyingly excited over the most minute of tasks. But because he is, people love him for that. And this for whatever reason, made me think of The Great Gatsby.

If you ever read the book The Great Gatsby, — Gatsby is kind of the same way. — Well, as much as a fictional character can be. The narrator described Gatsby as:

“It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced — or seemed to face — the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.”

In other words, Gatsby and my cousin have the gift of presence and, in turn, make their presence felt.

And this of course, is something we all need to master if we want to improve our communication skills… it’s the secret sauce.

So it begs the question, how can we improve our presence?

Let’s find out.

Actually Listen

When you think about people with presence, it’s easy to think they’re the loudest in the room. But honestly, it’s the opposite. Because instead of talking, they do more listening. And not just any kind of listening — actively listening.

The key to actively listening is to actually be interested in the other person, so you pay attention to what they’re saying. This is different from what we all do, half listening. We hear what they say on the surface, but we really just think about our response. When you are actively listening, you’re automatically present.

Try this out next time you see someone you know — ask them, “How are you?” and actually mean it. Watch the other person get a smile.

Curiosity

Curiosity is nature’s most contagious drug. I believe people with presence are naturally curious about other people. They want to know more, they care about the details, and they’re in for the ride. And this, of course, pairs well with our first point — listening. Because when you’re naturally curious, you’ll naturally pay more attention to whoever you talk to.

Try this out; allow your curiosity to run wild. Instead of having conversations on the surface, ask for the details and share the details. Not only will your conversations be better, but you’ll form stronger connections.

Positive + Excited

Why’s that weird guy smiling? The people who have the most presence are usually pretty positive and excited. They’re happy to see you, and they’re not afraid to let you know it. And this makes sense why most positive people have presence. We all like people who are in a good mood; it usually makes us happier. And the opposite is true, too. If someone is negative and they think life is a big flaming bag of dog sh*t — well… we usually try to avoid them.

Try this out: Allow yourself to be positive and excited. I’m not saying you need to pretend the sun shines out of your ass —it doesn’t, but view the day optimistically. Who knows, you just may like it.

Confidence

The people with the most presence have a natural confidence that keeps them standing on their two feet. And confidence, after all, is a fancy word for reassurance or self-belief. They believe in themselves, and it allows them to believe in you.

But how does one become confident?

If you want to become confident, you need to be competent at something. And this just means you have the reassurance you can accomplish a task. The beauty is, with this definition, you are already competent and therefore confident at something. Wear it on your sleeve and give yourself the credit you deserve. This will help make you magnetizing.

Risk Rejection

Martha, don’t look him in the eyes! And finally, the people with the highest presence are comfortable in their own skin — enough to risk rejection. By this, I mean they look people in the eye. They reach out to shake your hand. If they have an opinion, they let it fly. They are okay putting themselves out into the world because they know they’ll be ok. And in turn, because they are willing to risk rejection, they live more in the moment and not on the sidelines.

Allow yourself to fully live life. You’re living it anyways; so you might as well get the most bang for your buck.