You don’t know where it all went wrong.
One moment you confidently pulled into the parking lot, and the next, you are wandering around aimlessly, wondering one thing… where the f*ck did I park my car.
All around you, the parking lot stretches out and rolls and ripples like an ocean, and you’re somewhere on an island trying to suppress the feeling that you’re stranded.
At first, you lie to yourself. You see a familiar bumper sticker and think, “Oh, there it is!”
But as you get closer, your hope disappears like a mirage in the desert. It’s just another minivan with another dumb bumper sticker like yours. Tasteless bastards.
You brush it off — all cars look the same, it could happen to anyone. But as you approach another car that looks like yours, you’re fooled again and feel the fire of fear starting to burn.
Around you, dozens of other families are smiling, groceries-in-hand walking to their car like it was a homing beacon. You immediately hate them.
But there you are, standing, head turning side to side as you stand on your tippy toes, still wondering where the f*ck did I park my car?
You pick up the pace and cross between an aisle of cars and deeper into the maze. You look to the left and right and gaze out to the sea of boxes on wheels, almost believing you can find your car. And then you notice it — a red car. Could it be yours?
You quickly stomp towards it, relief washing over you like a wave to shore, but as you get closer, a couple is arguing, with a man running fingers through his hair. You make out a, “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t realize you wanted cookies.” “YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!”
The fire of fear burns the relief away.
After a few more head turns and an awkward 360-degree turn that makes you look like you just visited a foreign planet, you start second-guessing yourself.
“Did I park here?”
You start reasoning with yourself.
“I parked here… I parked here… right?”
You’re desperate.
“I parked here!”
And you trace back all the way to the store to see if it jogs your memory. You place your cart on the curbside and stand on your tippy toes… and then you see it.
Just pass the idiot who’s walking in the center of the road, holding up traffic from the corner of your eye, you see an old friend.
You race over to your car and have never been so happy to see it in your life. You want to hug it, but you’ve already done enough weird things for one day.
And as you get in your car, it hits you.
You forgot your f*ckin groceries.
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Love it. Been there, done that….all except the last part about the groceries, but that line makes the post. Thanks for the morning smile and thanks for sharing.
Irwin
Thanks for commenting! So happy you enjoyed – it makes my day reading the comments
Can’t find the like button but absolutely love this post. It’s not often you get something really funny. Thank you! and thanks for liking mine too by the way!
So happy you enjoyed – it’s always my goal to make someone laugh and no problem! Have a great weekend!
I was in stitches laughing, by the time I got to the end.
I am not a car driver. But I have been with someone who drives and they have parked in a huge car park. They have found their car with no problems. But if it had been me, I be searching and wondering where is that bloody car? Lol
So happy you enjoyed! It sounds like you have a good driver!
Been there. With a shopping buggy full of groceries in the pouring rain, where did I park.
Man, do I relate to this! Only we have a white SUV. Seems like everyone has a white SUV! I use the key fob to make it honk. Sounds so far away. Finally, after hitting that damn button a dozen times, I find it and get into to car next to mine! 😆
Superb! Hilarious! and so very relatable
😂😆 lol!!
Yeah, yeah—you’re singing my song. At times like that I resort to the panic button to give me a honk and a hint.
Honk and a hint – love it
Love it!!😂 Happens to me all the time (not being able to find my car). And EVERY time I say to myself, “Next time I’ll remember.” Hasn’t happened yet.😅
Hahaha me too!
Airport parking is the most scary. Returning late at night from several days on the road and it’s like…oh crap! Where the hell!
Damn I didn’t even think about that! Good point
I feel oddly called out.
hahah oh no!!!! Misery loves company i guess 😉 I’ll see you in the parking lot
You might see me, the question is whether I see my car.
Fair enough 😉
I love it!
Loved this. It’s happened once or twice, and there is this silent ear at the back of my mind you know, like, what if someone stole it, because surely it’s impossible I would forget where I parked MY car!
Nice one. It doesn’t help that every car these days seems to clustered around 2 or 3 spots on a monochromatic spectrum of black. Maybe brown?
That’s priceless.
Thank you!
LOL
I really don’t remember what I did before this. I sometimes press the lock button and listen for the beeping. Technology has made us lazy.
Very relatable. Parking problems are getting worse now.
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This is pure genius! I miss the days when my daughter was still in high school and in charge of remembering where I parked LOL!
I was once standing by the parking lot after work waiting for my wife to pick me up. We had but one car. I waited for a while, talking to friends who were on their way home. This was before cell phones were affordable, so I couldn’t call to see how long it would be. I waited and waited. People left, and the parking lot began to clear out. And then after about 30 minutes of waiting – yes, about 4 rows back, there sat my car. She didn’t have the car that day, I did. As Homer Simpson would say, “Doh!”
D’oh!!! Been there before too
Nice poem.
Gwen.
he he – been there done that – but throw an occasional migraine in too and the sense of urgency goes up a notch. Thank god for the ‘beeper’ of technology (I can’t imagine how hard it would have been with an old fashioned key). Take care, Linda.
OMG – the worst. 🫢