It’s first thing in the morning, and coffee-in-hand, you sit on the couch.
As you pick up your phone and check to see if the world has fallen apart, you feel a furry missile press against your leg, daring you to look down. And that’s when you see her… your boss.
The cat looks up with her big green eyes, half judging, half demanding. Sure, you might be trying to settle into your day, but you ain’t getting cozy until you pay your tax. After all, you’re the bitch who’s gonna cough up some treats… or else.
There had been some “D” words thrown around the house lately — “diet” in particular, and the boss doesn’t have time for any of that nonsense. To her, diet is a fancy word for saying, “Hand over the treats… or there’s gonna be some serious problems.” Cue the cat claw extending
You look down at the cat, scratch her on the head, and get back to tuning up your coffee. Today, you poured the cream perfectly, giving it that rich shade of brown that lets you taste the beans in every sip.
But as you go in for another drink, something bumps into you. Forcefully.
“Where are them treats bitch!?”
You look down and see the boss staring straight into your soul. She’s unimpressed. You go to scratch her on the head, get one or two in, when your hand suddenly gets swatted away.
“Oh… ok,” you recoil.
You try to suppress the faint shrill of panic that your relationship went downhill so quickly and return to your coffee when SWAT.
“Where are them treats bitch!?”
You look down, lively-eyed, then make eye contact with your aggressor. The boss hates that.
“You’re on a diet,” you reason, half expecting the boss to understand, but she shakes her head, twirls 360 degrees, and lays down on your foot — she’s using force.
Wanting to move but feeling trapped only zaps the joy from your morning.
You look down, and you’re hit with the eyes. Her pupils are big, black, and they pull you in like laser beams. Somehow your hand unconsciously moves towards the drawer where her treats are kept. But the angel on your shoulder says, “No… they’re on a diet.” And shakes you out of it.
The cat dilates her eyes and scares the angel off. Bastard.
You feel a dilemma building up from your bowels. Do you give the cat some treats or not?
“No. Stay strong.” You relent.
And that’s when the other cat joins in. He sits right behind you — opting to use some muscle.
“Where are them treats, bitch?” You look at both of them, throw your hands in the air somehow expecting them to understand.
“No, you guys are on a diet.” Both cats twirl 360 degrees and press up on you. More force.
“Where are them treats?”
“Stop!”
“Where are them treats? Bitch!”
And that’s when the knives come out. You feel a sharp, hot prick dance across your arm.
You’re stubborn and try to hold on to your morals, but when you go to get your coffee and notice a tail wagging directly over it, raining cat hairs down into your drink, you relent.
“Fuck!”
You make eye contact with both of them. They’re emotionless, with no sympathy in their eyes, and they nod toward the drawer. You sigh and find your hand reaching towards the drawer.
“But you’re on a di…”
You notice the claws come out and shut your pie hole — fast.
And with one last sigh, willpower slayed, you cough up a few treats. They might be your pet, but you’re the one who’s submissive.
Please like, comment, share and tell me what you think!
Laughing throughout this, having been a cat owner one time for a number of years. Each with their own way to get you round their paw.
Hahaha thank you! The struggle is real
Especially when that claw hooks in. There’s no escaping.
I love it!
Thank you!
I have a dog who acts like a cat. I get it. I’ve resorted to buying the treats that come perforated so I can easily give her just half. She’s so excited to get that tiny token of edible affection that she goes careening down the hall with it … the only thing that gets this sweet, 9 year old, once-hoarded and then rescued little bundle careening about anything. That sight never fails to make me laugh out loud. So far no diet is needed (she was underweight when I got her). Now, if only MY treats came perforated.
It be nice that’s for sure – it cut down my snacking! Pets are the best
So funny. Cheeky cats!
Thank you so much!
That’s hilarious, and so incredibly accurate. Both my dog and my cat bully me relentlessly.
hahah we’re a glutton for punishment! Thank you so much for reading!
Hello friend, I enjoyed your post.😸 I subscribed.Have a good day🌙💫🌷🌹🔆
Cute cats!
Having pets and having fun with them is a wonderful experience
I have a pet odd eyes too
So very accurate 😂
Love this! I have a demanding parrot. She demands a treat every time she hears a package opening. If my husband doesn’t give her anything, she tells him to “Kiss my ass!” 😂
lol that sounds exactly like something my dad would say! Love that phrase
I just had to respond to this; are you sure someone from his past life did not come back as THAT parrot? 😂
Too cute.
This post was so delightful to read!
“They might be your pet, but you’re the one who’s submissive.” – Accurate 👏🏻😂
So happy you enjoyed
I love this post … I feel your pain…lol
” I admire no doubt it is a real fact Excellent 100% You are the best 🏆🎖️🏆
“
Hahah! This was hilarious! I like this story. I have two short stories up on my page! Check me out!
Thank you so much for reading I will check them out
Yeah I feel yah, I’m the scratch post if they don’t get their way
We actually become their slaves at some point! With their innocent eyes piercing through us, we can help but give in all the time 👍👌
I’m right there with you
Thank you 🙏. Am glad to know 👍
We had an overweight cat once … long story about losing her brother that lead to her not eating and then our efforts backfired … anyway we tried to put her on a diet. Didn’t work as you can well imagine. She ended up developing diabetes so badly that we had to put her down. You’d think that would make us tougher now. Nope. Cats rule. 🙂
Agreed cats rule
I imagined it this!!!, it’s so hilarious, I have a cat who is insanely greedy, and I can relate to you so much😂😂❤️
Ahh so happy you did thank you for reading!
😂😂 omg
Hahaha! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. It’s not bullying, it’s called demanding for your right!
i love cats, but they kill my guinea pigs, so i understand if your annoyed
Damn that’s crazy!
Love it
Facts 🤭
If that ain’t spot on, I don’t know what is. Good Read!
You totally rock this! I hope you know that already. Love the cat. Your writing is awesome dude.
Thanks so much! This made my day!
Hah, great!. Loads of cats sit outside my flat and stare defiantly at me. They’re beautiful to look at, but I prefer dogs.
They’re both so great! I have a cat that acts like a dog, plays fetch goes on walks … horrible for home defense though … thank you for reading!
You nailed it!
Four in the morning, sitting on a wooden table under my portico, laughing out loud praying I don’t wake a neighbor or get a wellness check For disturbing silence, you made my day thank you meow for now.
This made my morning reading this, thank you!
Cats must know they used to be worshipped, that’s why they act like that. I enjoyed the piece very much!
So happy you did, thanks for letting me know! I appreciate it
Dogs are the best 🙂
They’re certainly fun! I loved mine growing up
Cute! Love it!
thank you so much!
A totally true representation of cat life. This cat actually sounds quite patient and almost nice. I am a sworn cat lover, though after reading this I’m not quite sure why…
My cat has been taught to sit and beg (I’m pretty proud of this!) and is actually our early warning system (it will freak out and hide under the furthest object if anyone comes to the door). They’re a breed of their own!
The best breed! Thanks so much for reading