With a heavy heart Matt Doyle spent the better part of his afternoon in the land of what-could-have-been, regretting choosing Subway for lunch.
It was like any other vanilla Tuesday in your ordinary office: Reports were ran, calls where placed, and feuds were continued as an office of fifty lost souls counted down the seconds until their brief taste of freedom would quench their thirst; lunchtime.
As the clock struck noon and the staff flew out of the office like sharks to a kill -Doyle knew he had a decision to make and make quickly.
With the clock clicking down and choice fatigue setting in, the weight of lunch time options fogged up Doyle’s head until a green & yellow ray of hope appeared beneath the clouds: Subway.
Pulling in, a smile wrapped around Doyle’s face because he knew he made the right choice. He didn’t want anything exciting, he didn’t want anything dangerous, he wanted the sandwich equivalent of a worn down marriage: long, boring, sexless and dull. In other words: Doyle wanted Subway and he wanted it now. As the story goes, he ordered his sub and was happy, he made the safe choice.
Crashing down from his lunch time high, Doyle returned to orbit and into his office, a temporarily victorious man. He settled into his routine when the lunch time tide returned to shore carrying gossip of seemingly “Greater” and “Better” choices. A new restaurant had opened, shifting the lunch time cosmos.
As the gossip of “You really need to try this, and you really gotta have that” brought life to an otherwise dull and hopeless place, Doyle knew in his heart that he should live more dangerously with his lunch time indulgences.
As fantasies of froyo, pizza and lobster orgies danced in his little mind, Matt sat in his office wondering what lunch time treasures escaped his salivating senses; it was at this moment he knew that he fucked up.
With an empty look in his eye, Doyle would spend the rest of his work day wondering what-could-have-been, quietly damning himself as the clock ticked on.
We reached out for further questioning, but at the time of this article, Doyle has lost all hope.
Bringing you the most gripping tales in an ordinary world, this reporter thanks you for your time.
This is Satire! But you probably knew that. Please Like, Comment, Share and Tell me What You think. Truth be told, I Love Subway! And can’t get enough of it. What did you regret not getting for lunch? What’s something funny that happened at work? Do you know a “Matt Doyle”? Have you been a “Matt Doyle” ?
17 thoughts on “Man Spends ‘Better Part’ of Afternoon Regretting Choosing Subway For Lunch.”
Clever. Yes, I knew it was satire, but I couldn’t help thinking about all the small choices we make each day that sometimes have consequences. Too serious though! This was a fun read.
Ha I’m glad you liked it! It was fun writing. You’re right! I do the same thing as well with small choices
There’s always next time;)
Half a glass is always how you look at it?
Hahah I’m always trying to find a witty response to the glass is how I look at it
I’m with Theresa. It was a great read and echoes the consequences of those small choices. It’s as one of my high school teachers told me once: pay attention to details. Life is the small things. The big things take care of themselves.
You had a great teacher! So happy you enjoyed it.
I always regret not packing my lunches because when I go to chipotle or panera I felt like I just worked an hour for free. Food for thought
Poor Matt Doyle has FOMO
Satire it may be, but I’ve seen real stories almost that ridiculous. Some news outlets will do anything to create a tragedy and a victim.
Small choices matter too, but with any “wrong” decision what matters most is moving forward in the best way possible afterwards.
Enjoyed this fun read also…yet it is a bit closer to home than satire for me! I often take the safe road with food choices due to physical rxns, but am always trying to push myself to try new things every once in awhile. I’m a Doyle, and I’m rooting for us to go somewhere else for lunch more often!! Ps. Thanks for continuing to support my posts :}
That was wonderful! I am in the process of slipping the Mark Doyle skin suit 😀
I happened to like the customized Subway tuna fish with Monterey jack cheese on flatbread with spinach, tomatoes, green and yellow peppers and guacamole that we order occasionally. Dull and safe are in the eyes and appetite of the eater. (We do visit other restaurants from high end to dive bars.)
My best friend is a big tuna fish guy! I’m a sweet chicken teriyaki guy myself. And you’re right! Your lunch is what you make it
It is funny the assumptions we make. When I saw the title of this post I assumed it would be about food poisoning!
Hahah yeah I think a lot of people thought that
ha! I worked at Subway for far too many years… “froyo, pizza and lobster orgies” I get you, man.
Great minds think alike!