Give me America’s bachelor – a Slob. Give me a guy who wears a black suit with a mustard tie. Give me a guy who’s got the guts to take on ketchup and the audacity to wear it on his sleeve – literally. Give me a guy who’s a sandwich artist and paints with crumbs. Who needs a rose when you can have a stain? He’s bringing a saucy twist to romance and spilling it on everyone. After all, life is sloppy; it’s about damn time we start to realize this.

Give me America’s Bachelor – a couch potato so big he could be confused for large fries. A guy who’s got a PhD in binge-watching Matlock and pork rinds on speed dial. A guy whose passion is so limited to the TV doctors warn his brain may turn into a static signal. A jedi with the remote control. A ninja with the TV guide. Forget about paying thousands for fancy, exotic dates; cozy up on the couch and come into the cushion kingdom. It’s pizza and a movie for this lay-z-boy.

Give me America’s Bachelor –A guy whose head is so hot it’s a habanero. A guy who’s a ticking time bomb of temper, one traffic jam or missed exit away from ending it all. Love shows need fiery passion, and he’s got it in droves. Need someone to spice up the drama? Look no further – this human jalapeño is ready to turn up the heat.  Forget telling him to cool down, even the AC sweats around him.

Give me America’s bachelor – The modern man. Someone who prefers Slim Jims to a real gym. Someone who’d rather have a snack pack than a six-pack. Someone who’d rather wear sweatpants and do little sweating. Confidence comes in many sizes, and with a sense of humor as hearty as his appetite, he’s serving up laughs and self-love in generous portions.

Give me America’s bachelor – a Cynic. Give me a guy who doesn’t just walk into the rose-laden mansion with an open heart; but walks in with a raised eyebrow and a suitcase full of skepticism. Love in two months? He’s got questions with a side of doubt. Cupid’s arrow? More like a reality TV prop. He’s not just a contestant; he’s the in-house fact-checker. Who needs scripted romance when you’ve got a resident truth seeker?