Life

10 Realistic Tips for Writing Better Dialogue

 

“Wait, our characters have to speak?”

There you are, staring at a blank page, with a head filled with anxiety. You know your characters have to speak (you aren’t writing a silent movie, after all), but you don’t know what to say. So you stare at the page and second-guess yourself like you just sent a spicy text to your biggest crush.

Recently, someone asked me for tips on how to write better dialogue. After some thought (and some more procrastination), here’s my take:

  1. Listen to How People Actually Speak

Writing dialogue begins and ends with one observation: understanding how people actually speak.
And writing dialogue isn’t some literary Mount Rushmore, as the pretentious like to think—it’s just writing conversations. And conversations? They’re messy as hell. People interrupt each other, forget words, and throw in slang and half-baked thoughts like it’s confetti pouring from a broken piñata. It’s nothing like those prim and proper sentences you wrote in school essays. So forget all that. This won’t help you.

Using this observation as our base, the next thing I want you to do is get in a conversation and pay attention. Notice how people jump from topic to topic like a highly sugared toddler. Notice how they stammer, notice how they pause. Notice how they talk around the answer instead of giving the answer outright.

Often, when we talk, we’re on autopilot, unaware of the details. So shift your brain into manual mode and take a few minutes to process the conversation you just had or heard. This is the building block for writing better dialogue.

  1. Eavesdrop (No, Really)

Take it a step further. I want you to go to a local coffee shop and be a spy creep (don’t worry, no one will notice). Hopefully.

Order yourself your favorite cup of Joe, pop in your headphones, and listen. Eavesdrop on the people around you. Pay attention to how they talk—because, spoiler alert: they’re probably not speaking in complete sentences or sounding like Shakespeare.

Pick up on the pauses, the “ums,” the half-finished sentences. By focusing on how people actually speak, you’ll get a better sense of what dialogue looks like. Art imitates life, so start by studying life.

  1. Flow > Formality

Now that you’re two cups of coffee deep and your head is buzzing, you’ll likely notice one thing: conversations are all about flow. It’s a dance, a back-and-forth sparring match. What people say is equally as important as what they don’t say. Notice how people phrase things and communicate their points.

For example, there’s a big difference between someone saying:
• “Right,” with a blank, muted face.
• “Riiiight,” with a tone dripping with sarcasm and an eye roll.
• “Right!” with an enthusiastic, first-day-of-work smile.

These little nuances are everything and should appear in your work. Remember, dialogue should feel natural, not like a script for a corporate training video.

  1. Don’t Be a Robot

Great dialogue isn’t rigid. It’s not stiff, formal, or trying too hard. People don’t speak like they’re reciting lines from an English class presentation. Unless your character is a butler, drop the “perfect” sentence structures and let things get a little loose.

Here’s what bad dialogue sounds like: “Hello, Mr. Johnson! My name is Bob, and I’m pleased to meet you today.”

Yuck. That sounds like a bad customer service script. Instead, aim for natural, fluid speech that reflects how people actually communicate. Trust me, it’ll read way better.

  1. Grammar Nazis, Look Away

Here’s a tip that’ll make grammar Nazis march on Webster. Grammar isn’t everything, especially in dialogue. Real people break grammar rules all the time. They don’t care about sentence structure, and neither should your characters.

Now, don’t take this as a free pass to write like a maniac. Your dialogue still needs to be readable. But bending a few rules here and there for the sake of realism? Totally fine. Let your characters talk like actual humans, not English professors.

  1. Show, Don’t Tell (And Don’t Forget the Non-Verbal)

Here’s a fun fact: 90% of communication is non-verbal. That means people say more with their eyes, their hands, and their facial expressions than they do with their words. And guess what? You can bring that into your writing.

Add some non-verbal cues to your dialogue. A simple “Bob rolled his eyes” or “Sarah clenched her fists” can say more than three paragraphs of exposition ever could. This stuff adds layers to your characters without turning them into talking heads.

  1. Be Your Character (For a Minute)

When I’m stuck on dialogue, I like to close my eyes and pretend I’m in the story. I ask myself, how would I respond if I were the character? This helps make your dialogue more authentic. If something happens, think: “Okay, what would a real person say in this situation?” The answer might surprise you—and it’ll probably sound more natural than anything you were planning to write.

When I was writing Letters From Jasper, I’d often imagine myself as one of the characters and let the dialogue flow from there. It’s a fun trick that keeps the conversation real.

  1. Incomplete Thoughts Are Real

In real life, people rarely finish their thoughts cleanly. When someone asks you a question, do you respond like you’re taking an oral exam? Of course not. You pause, you stammer, maybe you trail off with a “well…” That’s how people speak, and your characters should too.

Real conversations are full of half-finished responses, awkward pauses, and trailing sentences. If your dialogue looks like a neatly typed answer to a test question, it’s probably too rigid. Mess it up a little. Make it real. Piss off Grammar Nazis.

  1. Read It Out Loud

Here’s the easiest way to check if your dialogue is working: read it out loud. If it sounds weird when you say it, it’s going to sound weird to your reader, too. When you listen to your own dialogue, you can catch awkward phrasing, forced lines, or moments that just don’t feel real.

  1. Trust Your Gut (You Know What Bad Dialogue Is)

Finally, trust yourself. You know what bad dialogue sounds like—it’s stiff, awkward, and makes you cringe. And if you can tell when something’s bad, then you’re fully capable of telling when it’s good.

Remember, writing is rewriting. So don’t worry if your first draft sucks. Everyone’s first draft sucks.  Get the words on the page, then keep tinkering until it feels right. You’ve got this.

 

Please like, comment, share, and tell me what you think. What am I missing?

32 thoughts on “10 Realistic Tips for Writing Better Dialogue”

  1. I think the idea to write better is rooted in something that is ruining good writing. I tried that over the last years, I tried to modify every words, every sentence, and I really lost myself and my writing in it.

    Reply

    1. Yeah me too, for me, I have to remind myself to write to make myself happy without the thought of appeasing other people. It’s such a weird thing but something I struggle with too

      Reply

  2. Great, really amazing and captivating stuff you posted here Anthony. Man, I actually enjoyed reading this blog post and for good reason, it is engaging and exciting to read💯✨🎇

    Firstly, I agree with the “Incomplete sentences are real” and you really explained that point very well because I use this word “Well” a lot not because I am too lazy to form a constructive sentence but because that is all I have to say.

    Secondly, I believe that in life, the “Show don’t tell” part is also key in building a positive dialogue. People respond well with actions because that sort of shows realness.

    Lastly, the ease drop point and trust your gut is also very effective. I believe all Writers need to select whatever way they want.

    Good post overall Tony brother🎊🎉🎉

    Reply

  3. Wow Tony, thanks for the masterclass on writing dialogue. Great tips. They are so relatable and real life, anyone can and should want to give them a try. One question: given the randomness of people’s thought patterns, does the dialogue ever become uncontrollable or off to a tangent?

    Reply

    1. Thank you so much, I think to me, to answer your question, as long as the dialogue serves your story or serves your character it’s ok. If it’s just random bs for the sake of random bs, then I’d cut it, if that makes sense

      Reply

  4. to learn how dialogue works read plays – lots of them – also keep in mind people do not speak in two page non-stop –

    Reply

  7.     Um, well, this is really what-a-y’-call-it, a horrible Challenge for me ’cause I hardly ever finish a thought in conversation (or what is it they call it now… a “chat” but “chat” means “cat” in French) and I knew this French girl and we had a je ne sais quoi together so I wanted to be hip and casual(?) so I sorta said that um why don’t we um just have like a chat. And she says, “I’m allergic to cats, and I thought you wanted us to have a baby together.”
        Anyway, these sound like great suggestions. I can’t make conversation at all in real life being Shakespeare as a hobby, but the spying thing sounds feasible. Although I think a long time ago I tried listening, but it was so rapid vapid empty that I thought I was going to vomit undigested food for thought like plague-clotted curds and whey and spiders oh my.
        I don’t think I’ll ever learn how to unleash the dogs of chat wars. I always seem to be barking up the wrong tree. If I pause, people run away… and um so

    Reply

    1. It’s fun to be a spy! And the French comment made me laugh! I get it, I’m naturally introverted so my go to is to just ask questions and let people talk about themselves – thanks for reading my friend

      Reply

  8. Great tips. But I think the most important one is “trust your gut”. I think if we overthink too much when we write, we limit ourselves and the process of creating. It’s different when we edit what we wrote, of course. But personally, I think a first draft should never be forced and just be allowed to flow without considering any rules.

    Reply

  13. Great post! I think I read somewhere that often dialogue sounds strange because it’s written like an equal back and forth – like two people companionably hitting a tennis ball between them over a net. But actually, in real life, both people are delivering monologues and occasionally interrupting each other.

    Reply

  14. Hey! Pat me on the back. I’m already doing a lot of what you recommended. I love how you put this all together. Enjoyed reading it.

    Reply

Leave a Reply